(fic) a warm light for all mankind (2/2)
Oct. 25th, 2019 05:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
capnshellheadtitle: a warm light for all mankind (repost)
fandom: MCU, Captain America: the First Avenger AU
Chapter Six
"You’re supposed to boil the water before you put the pasta in, Angie,” Peggy said chidingly as she turned the burner on. Angie flashed a sweet smile before she returned to the paper. “She’s insufferable,” Peggy muttered to Steve with a fond grin.
She came around the counter to peek at the paper over Angie’s shoulder. Her hand laid flat on the small of Angie’s back and Steve felt his stomach twist.
He’d seen a similar gesture before… when Johnny spoke to Tony. They were clearly closer than Steve realized.
“There’s a show in New York the same night we arrive. If we’re early, we could make it,” Peggy said, scanning the page.
However, Steve was lost in thought, thinking about the possessive way Johnny had palmed Tony’s lower back. The way he’d inclined his head towards Tony, leaning into his space with ease. The same way Steve used to.
It was more than a suspicion: Tony was comfortable with Johnny. He trusted him.
Angie snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Earth to Steve. You want to go?”
Steve shrugged, averting his gaze, “I’ve seen the show before.”
Angie shot Peggy a knowing look, “Steve, we weren’t born yesterday.”
She showed him the promo and Steve took a look at it. All the dancers were lined up, bright grins on their faces. Steve was still at a loss as to how Howard hadn’t realized his son was one of the dancers. It was probably for the best, he thought with a flash of anger. As far as he was concerned, it was best that Howard never saw Steve or Tony again.
“Go, Tony will be there,” Angie said encouragingly.
“And what if he is?” Steve asked sullenly, leaning back in his seat.
“Steve,” Peggy began, choosing her words carefully. Her eyes softened, her tone gentle, “It’s not unheard of these days.”
“It’s illegal,” he said quietly. “I’m not like you guys. Everyone assumes you’re both widows or waiting for the right man to come along. And I’m happy you’ve found each other. Honestly, I am. I’m more than glad.”
He let out a slow breath, leaning forward, “For me, especially Captain America, it’s unthinkable. I’m supposed to be a soldier; out there in the field or here planning my next mission. That’s my life now. What could I possibly give him?” he asked imploringly. “He likes being on stage.”
“He likes being seen,” Peggy said. “His father hid him away his whole life and he’s finally showing people who he is. It’s a phase. He’ll grow out of it.”
“Think he’ll grow out of Johnny?” Steve asked and Peggy’s eyes widened in surprise.
“The plot thickens,” Angie murmured.
“Johnny and Tony?” Peggy exclaimed. “No way.”
“I saw them.”
“You saw them?” Angie asked, a brow raised in interest and Steve’s mind was suddenly taken over by images of Tony and Johnny together.
“Not like that but they’re close. I think they’re together.”
“Poor Tony,” Peggy said with a frown. “Johnny’s gone through half the dancers. New city, new girl. Janice Marquette left because he broke her heart.”
Steve shook his head, “That’s disgraceful.”
“He’s young,” Peggy said by way of explanation. “Tony’s young, too. And he’s a smart boy. He’ll be okay.”
+++++
Johnny found Tony reading a letter on his stomach. He hopped up on the bed beside Tony and kissed his shoulder. Tony laughed out loud, his eyes crinkled at the edges as he read what looked like a comic strip.
“Another one?” Johnny asked, his tone light.
“Yeah,” Tony replied distractedly before holding it up for Johnny to read.
It was good. They all were. This was the fifth one Steve had sent and Johnny handed it back to Tony gently. He cleared his throat, watching Tony carefully tuck it away beside the others.
“Listen, Tony, I… I think we should stop.”
Tony rolled over, his leg propped up, revealing a tempting slice of bare thigh beneath his robe. Johnny swallowed and forced himself to look away. “What do you mean?” Tony asked with a frown.
“We had a fun run, didn’t we? Three months is longer than my time with anyone else. We’ll still be friends.”
“We’re friends now,” Tony said. He sat up, pressing a foot to Johnny’s shoulder. His toes were bright red and Johnny melted inside. “I thought we were just having fun. Why ruin that?”
“We’ve been exclusively having fun for the past three months.” Tony stilled, his eyes widening as Johnny’s jaw tensed. “You didn’t know that,” he assessed.
“No, I didn’t. I thought for sure, when we went out, you were picking up women. I’m sorry, Johnny.” He gave a small smile, “I haven’t seen anyone else, if that makes you feel better.”
Johnny nodded, but, by the looks of things, it wasn’t much of a comfort. “It’s harder now because you’re clearly in love with someone else.”
“I am?” Tony asked amusedly, “Pray tell who?”
“Tony,” Johnny said lowly, a wounded expression on his face. “This isn’t funny.”
“Johnny,” Tony repeated in the same tone. “I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else since we started this. I’d be really interested to hear about who’s got you so shaken up.”
Johnny gestured to the letter in Tony’s hands and Tony doesn’t understand at first. Then, “This again? I told you, he’s not interested.”
“He tried to kiss you!” Johnny exclaimed, his eyes bright and fierce.
So much like - Tony shook the thought away. “It was so long ago. I’m not sure what he tried to do. It was a mistake and I haven’t thought about it since,” he said, his voice reedy and thin.
Johnny shook his head as he sat up on his knees and moved away. Tony reached for his arm and Johnny waved him off, his words calm and measured as he looked Tony in the eye, “He draws you comic strips.”
“He used to work for a newspaper, Johnny,” Tony said with a small sliver of a smile. He pushed at Johnny’s shoulder teasingly with his foot until Johnny fell on his back. Tony climbed over him, his robe falling open. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Johnny held his gaze, his tongue swiping over his lips as he considered his next words. “Captain America takes time off from fighting a war to draw you comics,” he said quietly. “Now, if you say that doesn’t mean anything… then it doesn’t mean anything,” he finished roughly.
Tony gazed down at him in silence.
+++++
Halfway around the world, Steve hurried back to his room, tearing at the envelope in hand. He’d been with Dugan when the mail came. The moment he recognized the handwriting, he’d said a fairly distracted farewell and made a hasty retreat to his room.
“This was your best yet. Cheered me up when I needed it the most. How do you find the time? – Tony. P.S., tell Angie I met Ingrid Bergman and she is as pretty as the pictures but not as pretty as Angie. ”
Steve sat down on the end of his bed and wondered why Tony hadn’t added the post script to Peggy’s letter but, when he asked, she said she hadn’t received one.
+++++
Steve found time to shoot off a response after the latest meeting on Schmidt’s movements. These days, drawing small comics for Tony was the only respite Steve got from the war. It seemed that every time they got closer to Schmidt, he slipped through their fingers. If Steve didn’t know better, he’d wonder if the Red Skull had men inside the army.
He wanted nothing more to shut Schmidt down, to put Hydra down for good but he had to think logically. Most days, the only thing helping him keep it together were Tony’s letters. Even small, some just little scraps on the backs of magazine ads, they reminded Steve that there was someone out there that liked him just the way he was. He didn’t have to be strong and stern all the time; with Tony, he could tell bad jokes and draw himself as a dancing monkey. With Tony, he could pretend there was another life he could have.
One where there wasn’t a war outside and Bucky would be coming over any moment to make fun of him for some reason or another. One where he could curl up beside Tony on a couch and tell stories about their childhoods.
A life that didn’t exist for them.
This day, he unwrapped Tony’s latest note.
“Why did I need cheering up? A friend of mine reminded me of feelings I thought long gone. No need to worry. I spent my birthday chasing seagulls in California. Nancy knit you a scarf. She’s a married woman now and wanted to make something as a farewell gift. I had her make it blue and make it for you because I don’t do scarves and I know you hate the cold. – Tony. P.S., I got two tickets for the next show. One for you and one for Jarvis. Please tell him to come. ”
+++++
Things after Nancy were harder than ever.
Tony reserved his “I told you so” when she’d first announced that she was leaving the show to settle down with Henry. She’d been so happy, near glowing as she showed off the giant rock on her finger. Tony couldn’t have been happier for her, even as his chest tightened at the sight of it.
Margot was next to lead, having been at the show as long as Nancy. She made sure to find Tony and tell him that he’d have a permanent place in the show but it didn’t make things any easier.
A piece of his heart was leaving and he felt more alone than he’d ever felt before.
Nancy had pulled him close for an hour that night, before she’d announced it to the group. He breathed in the scent of her perfume, her breasts pressed against his chest as she squeezed him tight and whispered, “You better write me. I don’t care if I’m knee deep in baby vomit. I will hunt you down if you don’t write me.”
Tony held it in until her last show was over and then Johnny held him as he cried. Then he’d followed Tony back to his hotel room, fucked him and held him after, his face wet where it pressed against Tony’s shoulder. It didn’t make it hurt any less but it was nice to be with someone who understood and who allowed him to be sad for a while.
Then they’d climbed out of bed and resumed pretending there wasn’t a Captain America sized space between them.
Tony had no boyfriend. No best friend. No family. He had nothing. He was alone.
But he had a show.
He had a troupe and he’d be damned if he let his issues get in the way of that.
This night, he was waiting in the locker room, the roar of the crowd outside. He paced, his heels clicking on the tile as he tried to remember the words Nancy recited before every show. He pressed his hands to his eyes, straining to recall them when there was a knock on the door. He was sure it was Margot telling him it was time. He opened the door, starting to tell her he’d be out in a second when he saw Jarvis instead, his eyes wide and hopeful.
Tony’s heart beat fast, his mouth falling open in surprise. “What are you – I told you to meet me after,” he said sadly.
“And I chose to meet you now,” Jarvis said with a lift of his chin. His eyes softened, almost hesitant, “May I see?”
Tony froze, nerves getting the best of him but he nodded regardless. Pulling the door open, he stepped back and let Jarvis in. He took in Tony’s uniform, the hair, the lipstick. His eyes widened, his mouth a thin line as he studied every detail. Tony’s heart pounded in his chest and he chewed nervously on his lip as he waited.
Finally, Jarvis nodded, meeting Tony’s eyes. “It’ll do.”
His mouth curled into a proud grin and Tony rushed forward, pulling him into a hug. Jarvis squeezed him tight, his voice rough as he whispered, “I have missed you, my boy.”
Tony nodded, his eyes burning in the corners, “I missed you, too.”
He pulled back and Jarvis cupped his cheek. He thumbed away an errant tear and added, “I’ll see you after. Be great.” He hugged Tony one last time and left the room.
Steve was anxious, his leg bouncing as he waited for the curtains to go up. Tony had sounded sad in his last few letters, growing longer with each one as though he had more to say or he’d been saving his words for Steve. He’d hope it was the former but Tony sounded rather lonely these days.
The show went on and Tony appeared the same: a grand smile on his face as he moved. However, the dancer in the center had changed. Where there once stood a redhead, there was now a brunette and Steve realized what that meant.
“Oh, Tony,” he murmured, covering his mouth in concern. Jarvis turned to him curiously as Steve explained, “He was close with one of the dancers. I guess she left.”
The show ended and they moved backstage to find Tony. He was in the locker room, having changed out of his costume rather quickly. He greeted Jarvis with a smile and Steve with a hug.
“Nice to see you again, Steve,” he said politely. The girls passed behind them with cheerful waves for Steve and Jarvis. Johnny paid Steve no attention, nor Tony for that matter, as he passed. Steve looked to Tony who pointedly ignored it. “Dinner?”
“How’s… how is he?” Tony asked over dinner and Jarvis stiffened.
“He’s... your father,” Jarvis replied. He set his fork down, a line appearing between his brows as he thought over his next words. “He travels a lot. I think he misses you in his own way.” His jaw tensed as he spoke, “I understand why you left and I’m glad of it. Had I known how bad - how things got, I would have insisted.”
His hand shook as Tony took it in his own. He held Jarvis’ gaze sternly, though his words were soft, “Jarvis, it’s not your fault.” Jarvis shook his head, his eyes wet. “It’s not. You were the closest thing I had to a parent after mom and I owed you more than five paragraphs.”
Jarvis swallowed, trying to clear his throat, mouth pressed in a thin line as his chin began to tremble. He stood with a brief, “Excuse me for a moment” and left the table.
Tony watched him before turning to Steve, brown eyes wide in concern, “Is he okay?”
Steve looked to Tony, noting that he was still wearing eyeliner. “He works with Peggy a lot. Ana comes by the base sometimes. He has a life here. I think he’s happy. Happier now knowing that you’re okay.”
Tony frowned, staring at his food. “I’ve been thinking about coming back,” he said slowly, testing the words out. “Jarvis is getting older now and I’m not scared of my father anymore. I… I can do good here.”
Steve froze, his mouth going dry. “Tony, as much as I would love that, do you really think that’s best?”
Howard wasn’t here much as at all anymore and it served him right because, if Steve ever saw him again, he didn’t know what he’d do. Were Tony to come back, he’d be alone most of the time. Steve wasn’t at the base as often anymore now that things had kicked off in their search for Red Skull and Peggy had her own unit to run.
“I’d be helping the war effort. I thought you’d be proud of me,” Tony lamented and it gave Steve pause.
“Why would that matter?”
Tony averted his eyes, “It doesn’t.”
Steve took his hand before he remembered where they were. He let go carefully, noting the way Tony’s temple pulsed.
“You love this job. I’ve never seen you so happy and you’d give that up to come hide in a lab? Making weapons you hate. How does that make sense?”
Tony tapped his fingers along the tablecloth and Steve noticed for the first time that they were bright red. “This isn’t forever Steve. This war can’t go on forever, and believe me, I’ll be happy to see it end… but when it does, where will I be? I’ll have nothing. I have no money. No family. I’m alone.”
“You have family. You have Jarvis and Peggy. You have me.” He glanced around quickly and pulled Tony’s hand under the table, squeezing it tight. “You’re not alone. We’ll still be here when the tour is over.”
“It’s not the same.” He looked to Steve, his eyes wet. “I’m missing your lives.”
“There’s not much to miss,” Steve said lightly. “I go from city to city and lead missions. That’s it. I’m treading water waiting for the next lead. What’s there to see?”
Tony stared at him like Steve was the dumbest person he’d ever met.
Steve swallowed thickly, his heart rate ticking up as he gazed at Tony across the table. He was at a loss for words, hand tightening around Tony’s as the candlelight flickers in Tony’s warm brown eyes.
When Jarvis returned, Steve continued to hold Tony’s hand beneath the table.
+++++
Tony had a show the next night in Pittsburg and letting him go was the hardest thing Steve had done in quite some time.
He went to see Tony off at the train station, surrounded by happy couples kissing each other farewell. It pained him to just hold Tony’s hand but even that was risky. Jarvis held Tony for a while, his words too quiet for Steve to hear but when they parted, there were tears in Jarvis’ eyes.
“I’ll see you around, Rogers,” Tony said, releasing his hand.
Steve stepped forward; he’d almost forgot. “Wait,” he said, handing Tony an envelope.
“More strips?” Tony asked, taking it covetously, the corner of his mouth turned up. “For me? You should really publish them, you know?”
“I made them to make you laugh. I don’t care about anyone else,” he said softly. Tony’s breath caught and he studied Steve for a moment before he was rushing forward and pulling Steve into his arms.
“If you weren’t Captain America and we weren’t surrounded by people, I would kiss you right now,” he whispered, the words making Steve shiver in response.
He nodded, burying his face in Tony’s shoulder and holding him close. Then he stepped back, trying to focus past his wet lashes. He tried for a smile, “I know,” he replied.
Tony flashed a weak smile in return and boarded the train. Steve stayed on the platform until the train disappeared from view.
+++++
The letters helped some.
No matter if Steve was down in the trenches or attending meetings at the consulate, the letter let Steve know Tony was still out there. Gabe poked fun at him and the way he huddled down by himself when the post came.
“Cap’s got a war bride at home,” he teased and every time, Steve let it slide, though it felt like lying. Still, the guy’s making fun of him didn’t chill the warmth Steve felt whenever he received word from Tony.
A few months after he’d sent Tony off, he received the best news on a scrap of torn off newspaper.
“Winter break is coming. There’s supposed to be a bad snowstorm so we’re taking a two-week break. I’ll be in Georgia but I can take a train up to you, if there’s room for me. Say there’s room? – Tony. P.S., your last strip may have been your best yet. It pains me to know that you’ve peaked, Rogers.”
Two weeks, Steve thought reverently, a warmth igniting from within. Two whole weeks.
“Steve, you okay?” Gabe asked concernedly.
Steve looked to him in surprise and back at the letter, a smile breaking out across his face. “I’m great,” he replied.
After spending days in fear that he would miss his chance, seeing Tony in person was almost too much for him.
He fought the urge to race forward, a nervous fluttering in his stomach even as a part of him was very much aware of the Commandos approaching behind him. Steve moved measuredly forward and watched Tony bite down a knowing grin. As soon as Steve was close enough, he drew Tony in close, holding him tighter than could possibly be comfortable. He tried to loosen his hold but Tony only stepped in closer, a puff of warm air against Steve’s neck sending shivers down his spine.
“I missed you, you big dummy,” he murmured and Steve warmed even further.
He buried his nose in Tony’s hair, breathing in the scent of his perfume and lavender. “I missed you, too. I’m sorry I wasted three days.”
“You can’t change the weather, Cap,” he said with a soft laugh. “Not unless you’ve developed some new abilities,” he added slyly.
The words sent a spark of arousal through Steve’s blood and he bit down a comment as the squad moved in closer. Clearing his throat, he introduced them, “Guys, this is Tony. Tony, these are the guys.”
Tony waved at them with a bright smile, his eyes crinkled in the corners. “The Howling Commandos. I’ve never met living legends before.”
Steve huffed out a laugh as they all lined up to shake Tony’s hand. “Still haven’t,” Dugan remarked as he passed. A black man brought up the rear, taking in the exchange with interest.
“Nicholas Fury,” he declared. “I’ve met your father,” he added before Steve could stop him.
The light in Tony’s eyes dimmed a little but he shook Fury’s hand all the same. “My apologies.”
Steve braced himself but, to his surprise, Fury laughed. “I like this one.”
He and the others left them outside alone to drag their luggage inside. Steve looked to Tony, his excitement starting to win out as he thought about the upcoming week. Nine days spent in Tony’s company. Even better, Steve was on break for the moment so Tony would have his undivided attention.
As if he didn’t already, his mind supplied.
He shoved the thought away and pulled Tony into another hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
+++++
Steve was a strange one, Tony noted with a fondness.
He was used to men not knowing how to behave around him when he was in costume. When he pulled his hair back and went out in his normal clothes, men reacted one of two ways: confusedly smitten or completely avoidant. It was safe to say Steve’s behavior fell into the former and oh, what an awkward duck he was.
Tony had watched as Steve graciously took Tony’s suitcase and carried it back to his own quarters where he opened the door for Tony, as well. He pulled out a chair at the dinette for Tony and set the suitcase by the door. Then he’d busied himself opening and closing cabinet doors, searching high and low for a mug and the tea before putting the kettle on. All before he turned to Tony and asked if he would like some tea.
Tony hid a smile behind his hand and nodded, watching Steve’s shoulders sag in relief. He continued his nervous bustling and Tony watched him avidly.
It was hard to believe he was actually here.
Even with Steve’s letters and the way he’d been so welcoming and kind the last time, Tony still didn’t quite believe Steve enjoyed his company. Spending so much time apart had made it rather easy to pretend he’d imagined their interactions meant more than they actually did. It left enough time for him to convince himself that Steve drew him comics because he was bored and it was a nice thing to do for the lonely guy he used to know. Enough time to pretend that night Steve had tried to kiss him had been skewed in his mind.
Because if he had tried to kiss Tony, that meant he was attracted to Tony. That he was… different the same way Tony was. And if that was true, Steve would be this nervous and unsure of himself because he wanted to impress Tony.
Because he liked him.
Steve set down a mug of tea and sat down beside Tony, wiping his hands anxiously on his slacks. Tony blinked at him, taking the mug and asking, “You didn’t make any for yourself?” A light dusting of red bloomed across Steve’s nose and he shook his head quizzically. “Should I be concerned? You’re not trying to poison me, are you?”
Steve’s mouth fell open before he started stammering, “No! No, of course not. I – I just-“
Tony reached over and touched Steve’s wrist, “Relax, super soldier. I’m just kidding.” He sipped his tea and set it down with a smile. “I trust you.”
Steve’s eyes softened and he returned the smile. “I’m just… really happy you’re here.”
“Me too,” Tony admitted. He looked around the room, taking in the meager décor and the bed in the corner. He could be nice and not comment on it but it was so much fun seeing Steve sweat. He looked to Steve and jerked his head towards the bed, “One bed? Quite presumptuous, don’t you think?”
Steve’s eyes widened, “No, I just – I have blankets to make up the couch. I would never presume-“
Tony laughed, covering Steve’s mouth with his hand. “Joking, again. It’s fine.”
He pulled his hand down as Steve replied, “Honest, I can sleep on the couch.”
“You’re the big man on campus,” Tony said teasingly. “Who am I to commandeer your bed?”
He traced his finger around the rim of his mug, an excited glint in his eye as he spoke, “We have nine whole days to ourselves. What do you want to do?”
+++++
Steve took Tony to the cinema.
It was his first real outing since becoming Captain America and he’d borrowed from Gabe and Dugan’s wardrobes. He’d wanted to look nice so he’d bought the jacket with his own money. He’d checked himself over three times in the mirror and still felt self-conscious about the slacks that were a little too short. Afterwards, he’d watched Tony pull his hair back once more, his nails a soft pink as he got ready.
Steve pushed past the butterflies in his stomach and picked up Tony’s coat, watching Tony smile kindly as Steve helped him into it.
The cinema was rather close to the base so they walked, the crunch of snow beneath their feet. It was so quiet outside. Steve’s shoulder frequently brushed against Tony’s as they walked and it brought a small smile to Steve’s face. Throughout the journey, they caught up with each other on the very few things they’d kept out of their letters, such as the search for the Red Skull and Tony’s food discoveries.
When they reached the theater, Steve strode confidently up to the ticketmaster. “Two tickets for Only Angels Have Wings, please.” The ticketmaster handed them over and Steve opened the door for Tony to steer him in.
The movie was good.
Or Tony assumed it was. He’d paid very little attention to half of it. Thirty minutes in, Steve rested his hand on the armrest between them and Tony felt a strange rush of adrenaline. He didn’t understand it: he’d done much more than hold Johnny’s hand and he’d never felt like this. His heart beating fast in his chest, a nervous fluttering in his stomach.
It had taken another five minutes for Steve to muster the courage to turn his palm upward and another three for Tony to gather the nerve to place his hand on top. His heart skipped a beat, sparks travelling from his fingertips throughout the rest of his body as Steve laced their fingers together and held tight.
They weren’t quite alone in the theater: there was an older couple in the very back and a young woman with her daughter a few rows in front of them. Should they be seen, it might become a problem but in the dark, Tony felt safe holding fast to Steve’s hand. He watched as Steve swallowed, steadfastly focused on the screen even as he squeezed Tony’s hand tight in his own.
Tony smiled and settled in the watch the rest of the film.
Afterwards, Steve bought him a coffee and they walked back to base. Tony was sure, without question, that this was the nicest night he had ever had.
And he was hesitant to let it end.
He stood behind Steve as he unlocked the door to their quarters, heart in his throat. Tony sat down on the bed and watched Steve shuffle around in the dim lighting. Steve was a big man. Tony had always known that but it was even more apparent now as Tony watched his dress shirt pulling tight across his large biceps as he folded his jacket and lay it down. His hair had fallen slightly out of place, dropping into his eyes before he pushed it back.
Then he set about clearing what little clutter remained around his quarter and Tony felt his heart swell ridiculously in his chest. He cleared his throat, “This was nice, wasn’t it?”
Steve paused in his nervous flurry and turned to face Tony, “It was. Thank you.”
“What for? You paid for everything,” Tony said with a soft smile. “I’ve been here a few hours and you’re already spoiling me.”
Steve set down his sketchbook and moved in closer, “You deserve it.”
Tony cocked his head to the side, gazing up at him curiously. The words escape before he can push it down, “You really believe that.” Steve’s eyes widened ever so slightly as Tony’s face warmed and he explained, “It’s just… sometimes I don’t understand the way you look at me.”
Steve’s face shuttered and he averted his eyes, “I don’t understand it either.”
Tony’s stomach twisted with nerves and a bit of confusion as he continued, “It’s not unpleasant.” Steve stiffened and Tony felt compelled to insist, “It isn’t. It’s nice.” Steve looked to him, clearly hesitant. “You’ve always been the nicest man I’ve ever met. And I’m grateful to have you in my life.”
“You are?” Steve asked, gazing at Tony wondrously.
“I am,” Tony said and then he reached out, “C’mere.” Steve swallowed before he complied, letting Tony draw him into his arms. “I bet you last three days before you’re begging me to leave.”
Steve laughed softly, stroking his back. “I’ll take that action.” He pulled back, a dusting of red across his nose, “About what I said earlier, I really can sleep on the couch. It’ll suit me just fine.”
“The great Captain America sleeping on the couch?” Tony scoffed, shaking his head adamantly. “I’m not that much of a diva. We can share.” His fingers touched the top button on his shirt, the corner of his mouth turned up as Steve’s blush deepened. “If that’s okay with you?”
+++++
The next day, it stormed.
Freezing rain trapped everyone inside and Steve had lamented the loss of a day they could have spent out in the city. Then Tony showed him the joy of a day spent lazing about in bed.
It was a tight fit; a queen-sized bed wasn’t quite large enough for Steve on his own and with Tony, every movement, every breath led to brushing against the other’s skin. Every touch sent a brushfire through Steve’s blood and as concerned was he was that he wouldn’t be able to avoid embarrassing himself, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He stayed, eyes caught on the microexpressions on Tony’s face as he spoke.
“This one time, I begged Jarvis to take me sailing,” he began, he workings of a smile in the corner of his mouth. “I mean puppy dog eyes and ‘if you take me, I’ll do all your chores’ begging. And he finally broke down and told me he couldn’t take me because he didn’t know how to sail,” he whispered, eyes cutting to Steve like he was sharing a secret. “But he’d told Ana about it; he’d felt so guilty, and she knew how. So, we went out on the lake together. It was nice.”
He smiled wistfully, “We felt like a real family,” he finished quietly. Steve swallowed past the knot in his throat and took up Tony’s hand in his own. Tony turned his cheek to the pillow, gazing at Steve in the dim light. “What about you?”
Steve licked his lips, struggling to focus on anything other than Tony’s face. “What about me?”
“What were your parents like?”
Steve blinked, averting his gaze briefly before answering, “I mentioned before, my father wasn’t a good man.” He kept his voice steady, remembering slamming doors and broken glass. “He was a lot like yours, I suspect.” Tony squeezed his hand, his brow furrowing in concern. “He died when I was young. But my mother was wonderful.”
Tony smiled, settling in closer as Steve continued, “She was a wonderful baker. She made our bread and, when we had enough to spare, cakes and pastries. She could make just about anything out of seven dollar’s worth of groceries. We spent all our time together. She was my best friend,” he finished roughly. It had been a while since he’d spoken about his mother.
“When did you lose her?” Tony asked somberly and Steve replied, “When I was eighteen. She was sick for a while before that.”
Tony nodded understandingly, “I’m sorry.” He pulled Steve’s hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it.
“What about your mother?” Steve asked. “You mention her from time to time but not a lot.”
“I lost her when I was young. A car accident. She was,” he chose his words carefully, “Nothing like me.”
It gave Steve pause and he waited, squeezing Tony’s hand to offer him strength. “She was kind. And beautiful,” he added wondrously. “She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. She was smart. Not quite a scientist but she understood the world, she understood people in a way I could never fathom. She was caring. And a firecracker if there ever was one. Peggy reminds me a lot of her.”
When he finished, he realized Steve was studying him quietly. “What is it?” he asked shyly.
“She sounds wonderful. But I don’t believe you,” he added solidly. At Tony’s confusion, he explained, “I don’t believe that you’re nothing like her.” At Tony’s intake of breath, he went on, “You are kind. And very caring. And I don’t have to tell you that you’re smart.”
Tony smiled, loosening his hold on Steve’s hand and playing with it, tracing his fingers along the inside of Steve’s palm. It made him feel overwarm, the nervous fluttering in his stomach returning as Tony continued his ministrations. “I do have to tell you that you’re beautiful,” Steve stated, earning a quiet stare. “You never seem to believe me. I think you spent so long believing one thing about yourself, that even now, even having spent over a year being told the opposite, you can’t quite believe it. And I understand that. You call me gorgeous and beautiful and handsome and I grin and bear it when deep down, I still think of myself as the scrawny little guy no one looked twice at.”
He averted his eyes to their hands, watching Tony’s smaller one draw words inside Steve’s palm. His stomach tightened, “Truth is… the truth is,” he caught Tony’s eye once more, “if I don’t get to see the end of this war, if I don’t make it, it was worth it just to meet someone like you.”
Tony froze, his hand hovering over Steve’s. “Steve,” he rasped. “Don’t talk like that.”
“I just wanted you to know,” Steve replied. He offered a sad smile, “We can talk about something less bleak.”
Tony thought for a moment, turning his head to look up at the ceiling. “Can you… whistle?” he asked, pulling Steve’s hand in front of him. As he spoke, he traced the length of Steve’s fingers with his index finger. “I can’t. Jarvis took me a baseball game once and I felt like the dumbest kid on the planet,” he began.
Tony was dozing, his cheek resting on Steve’s chest.
It was a wonder he’d managed to fall asleep because Steve was sure his heart was beating loud enough for the entire base to hear. He’d been telling Tony about the time they’d been spooked out in France and Steve had had to fight Hydra soldiers in his briefs. He’d been halfway done when Tony’s head slumped against his chest and Steve paused mid-sentence.
Perhaps he should take offense to it but it was just nice to lie there with Tony. He’d curled his arm around him and just enjoyed everything slowing down for a moment. He'd never thought he'd grow used to the stillness; the calm before the storm. There was a war going on outside their doors and he remembered when these small respites were the worst thing int he world to him. The idea of just treading water, just pacing and waiting for the next strike had been torture. Knowing the Red Skull was still out there and Bucky's death continued to go unavenged.
But with Tony... it was nice.
Steve didn’t think he’d ever be able to let go of this feeling of just holding Tony; breathing him in and knowing with absolute certainty that he was okay. Not only safe but... happy. Steve, of all people, had made him happy. It may not be much: here in Steve's small quarters with the peeling wallpaper and too thin blankets, but Tony seemed content here with him. Certainly content enough to fall asleep in Steve's arms. And with Tony, Steve didn’t feel like an outsider and he never felt like he had to hide who he was.
He was carding his fingers through Tony’s hair, the bulk of it having slipped from its tie, when there’s the sound of mail sliding across the floor. He decided to wait until Tony was awake to gather it when Tony sat up and ran a hand over his head. Hovering over Steve’s chest, his hair curtaining his face, he was more beautiful a sight than Steve had ever seen. He wanted to kiss him, to cup Tony’s face and slide his thumb over the sensitive spot behind Tony’s ear and draw him in.
But he remembered the last time he’d lost himself in that urge and he didn’t want to chase Tony away again.
Tony sat up further as Steve blushed, blinking up at him, “I thought you were asleep.”
Tony shrugged, standing and stretching his arms above his head. “No, just feeling lazy. And it was nice.” He flashed Steve a smile, “The life of a dancer. When I’m not rehearsing or performing, I’m sleeping.” He moved over to the stack and climbed back on the bed.
Steve sorted through it quickly, setting aside the correspondence that would have to be dealt with as soon as his break was over. One of the envelopes was addressed to Tony and he handed it over curiously. Tony took it and instantly brightened, leaning back against Steve’s chest. Steve face warmed as he settled and watched Tony open it.
“A letter from Nancy,” he explained happily, pulling out the pages.
“Dear Tony, you’re being an idiot for spending your break with Blondie,” Steve said and Tony smacked his thigh. “She never liked me.”
“She had no feelings about you whatsoever,” Tony replied. “She never really got to know you. Her loss.”
Steve hummed and returned to the stack of letters. He found one particularly curious and opened it. “Oh no,” he groaned, reading through Peggy’s note.
Tony looked up, “What is it?”
“There’s a gala next month. I’m being honored,” he handed the card over.
“I fail to see how that’s a bad thing.” Steve stared at him and Tony smiled, realization setting in. “Right, Captain Rhythmically Challenged.”
Steve tugged playfully on his hair in response. “I’ll just stay by the concessions.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Tony insisted. He pulled back, his eyes bright and excited.
Steve had a bad feeling about this.
“Let’s go dancing tonight!”
Steve gaped at him, “Tony, how-“
Tony sat up, straightening his hair with a clever smirk. It fell in soft waves around his chin, longer now than it had been a year ago. “There’s a place not far from here. Let me get ready.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“And that is precisely why I’m the brains in this operation,” Tony replied, staring at Steve challengingly. Steve had never been great at resisting that look.
“Okay,” he gave in and he couldn’t push down the joy he felt at seeing Tony’s eyes crinkle in response. “An hour and then we come right back.”
Tony nodded, a faux serious expression on his face. “Oh, of course, my good Captain.” He leaned in and kissed Steve’s cheek teasingly. Even so, it left Steve even more flustered as he watched Tony climb off the bed. “Whatever you say, darling.”
Gabe grinned at him, “Where ya going, Cap? You never leave the roost,” he said jovially.
“Uh, out… to a club,” he answered awkwardly. Gabe’s eyebrows rose as Morita poked his head out of his room.
“Sounds fun. Can we join?”
Steve started to reply when Dugan strolled over, “Guys, maybe he had a date and we’re crashing it.” He tossed a bath towel over his shoulder and grinned, “You meeting your war bride at this club?”
“I don’t have a war bride.”
“It’s the war bride,” Gabe muttered to Morita.
“The broad that’s been writing you letters,” Dugan said, his smile widening. “She’s gonna be there, isn’t she?”
Steve blushed, his neck burning beneath his jacket. Seeing as he wasn’t quite sure what to wear to a jazz club, he’d worn his dress blues. However, they were much too warm for standing in this hallway while the guys poked fun at him.
“I’m just going out, fellas,” Steve said and Dugan’s grin turned positively sinister.
“Then you won’t mind if we tag along.”
When they arrived, Tony was chatting up the bartender. He slid over two club sodas with a wink that Steve was honestly a little concerned about. His annoyance was put on the backburner the moment Tony turned to face him. Jacques bumped into him and sent him forward a few steps, his attention completely stolen by the sight in front of him.
Tony was… stunning . He’d curled his hair in light waves that fell to his shoulders. He’d slipped on a simple dress with a sweetheart neckline, baring a modest amount of skin. He wore fishnets and modest heels, sure to put him closer to Steve’s eyeline. Unlike the Star-Spangled singer outfit, this seemed less like a costume and from the way Tony moved, Steve could tell it wasn’t the first time he’d worn it.
He was gobsmacked, standing in the way of patrons entering and Dugan pushed him further forward, leaning in to mutter, “No war bride, huh?”
He bumped Steve’s shoulder on the way to the bar. Steve stumbled a bit, swallowing nervously as he wiped his hands on his pants. Tony bit down a grin, his eyes alit as he leaned against the bar and waited.
“Captain,” he greeted with a polite nod.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Steve asked, shooting a glance over to where the guys were ordering a round of beers. Clearly, they hadn’t figured out Tony’s secret yet.
Tony shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eye, “Ask me after I see how terrible a dancer you are.” He reached for Steve’s hands, “Come on, handsome.”
Steve was truly, without a doubt, the worst dancer Tony had ever seen.
He was either on rhythm but severely uncoordinated or moving to a beat only he could hear. Tony started out slow, leading the way his mother had when she’d taught him. He counted out the steps, gave directions and nodded along to the song. Steve would seem to get it for a few moments but the second Tony let him lead, he got lost in his head. Getting Steve’s eyes up and away from his feet resulted in sore toes for Tony and letting him stare at his feet meant a sore head when he inadvertently knocked their noggins together.
When Steve nearly spun Tony into a chair, he gave up. “I’m done. If we stop now, we can pass this off as an elaborate joke.”
“Or an assassination attempt,” Tony said with a fond grin. Steve groaned and covered his face with his hands as Tony pet his arms in comfort. His words were soft, “You can follow directions. That’s something.”
“You gonna lead me through every dance?” Steve asked and it earned a small lift to the corner of Tony’s mouth.
He reached out, “Here, let me-“
“Cap, we got a call.” Steve turned to see Morita eying him intently, all business. “It’s Schmidt.”
Steve swallowed looking from Tony to Morita and back, “I’m really sorry.”
Tony pasted on a rather thin smile, “It’s okay. Go. Go, go,” he said, shooing him away. “Go be a hero.”
Steve left him standing in the center of the dance floor.
Back at base, Colonel Phillips was waiting for them in the control room.
Steve sat down, pulling off his jacket and trying to keep his disappoint off his face. He was supposed to have these two weeks to himself but he knew his duty came first. Especially if it had something to do with the Red Skull. That didn’t mean it hurt any less.
Phillips offered him a gruff, “Rogers,” in greeting before launching right into it. “We got a sighting of Schmidt’s men with some sort of device.” He showed Steve a photo. It was rather grainy but there was some sort of bright box in the center. “Our best men can’t tell us what it does. Not even Stark can get a read on it or figure a solid way to track it. It’s dangerous; we know that much. We think New York is first on his list of targets.”
Steve sat up straighter, “When do we leave?”
“As soon as we’re clear to fly,” he said.
Steve nodded, his heart in his throat. He’d have to say goodbye to Tony; there was at least time for that. While he would hate to see the disappointment on Tony’s face, this was more important. If he failed at this, there wouldn’t be anyone to come back to. Tony would understand.
Like he did two years ago?
Steve shook himself, Tony had apologized for that. Granted, Steve had never seen a sign that Tony had changed his mind. If he knew Steve was leaving, headed for the most dangerous fight of his life, would he stick around? Or would he cut his losses and leave now?
“I’ll be ready,” Steve said, his blood singing with adrenaline.
Phillips started to respond when a younger soldier entered the room. “Colonel, we lost contact with Reeves. Sarge is still on the line but we lost our eyes on Schmidt.”
Philips cursed and slammed his hand on the table. He looked to Steve and sighed, “Well, you can go.”
“But this isn’t over,” Steve said, his voice strengthening with his resolve. “No doubt, he’s gone underground to plan the next attack. Send me out there. I can find him.”
Philips levelled him with a stern glare, “Rogers, I’m not sending any of my men on a wild goose chase. And especially not you,” he said. “Get out of here.”
Steve shook his head but he got to his feet. “Yes sir,” he replied dryly.
When he reached the door, Phillips called out, “Look, I know you’re disappointed, kid but when the orders come down, and we ship out…” his face was grave, his mouth a grim line. “Just don’t waste what time you have.”
Steve returned to their room in a daze, closing the door behind himself and resting his forehead against it for a moment. He took a few deep breaths, calming himself before he turned around. Tony was curled up on the bed with a book in hand. He had his hair pulled back, removed his makeup and he was drowning in a pair of Steve’s striped pajama pants and one of his t-shirts. It brought a smile to Steve’s face and a possessive warmth.
“You run out of fancy clothes to wear?”
Tony offered him a fond smile that made him flush with joy. “I ran out of warm clothes to wear,” Tony countered, closing the book on his finger. His brow furrowed, “Do you have to go?”
“No,” Steve answered, moving in closer. “Trail went cold. I’m sorry I had to cut our dance short.”
Apparently, he’d spoken too soon because Tony set his book aside and got to his feet in a rush. “You’re not getting out of this that easy, soldier.”
He reached for the radio in the corner and slowly turned the dial until a slow ballad played. Pushing the too long sleeves up, he held his arms aloft and nodded at Steve expectantly. Steve stood there, the rest of the room fading away as he took in every inch of the man before him.
Tony wasn’t put together: he hadn’t removed all of his eye make up, his hair was sloppily tied and Steve’s shirt was much too large, slipping down and baring one shoulder. Even so, even tired, his eyes were bright with challenge, the corners crinkling with excitement. He was a terror, an enigma and utterly unforeseen.
And Steve loved him.
He loved him as his hands trembled at his sides and he felt that familiar ache in his chest. He loved him as he memorialized the mischief in Tony’s eyes. He loved him as he gazed upon Tony’s face and saw the future they would never have. He loved him as he thought about all the moments he’d missed and those which would never come to pass.
He loved him with every breath and with every beat of his heart.
He loved him and he would leave him because he’d been made for a purpose and this wasn’t in the cards for them.
Tony knew that. Steve knew that.
And for the first time… he wanted to take it back.
He wanted more dances. He wanted more winters. He wanted more terrible, amateurly brewed coffee and chilled feet against his calves. He wanted Valentine’s Days and birthdays and Christmases. He wanted mornings spent lying in bed together reading the paper. He wanted promise, he wanted safety, he wanted a home.
He wanted more.
“Steve?” Tony asked his arms falling with a frown. “If you’re that upset about it, fine. I’ll let you be a hermit and hang out by the punch bowl.”
Steve swallowed, his eyes burning, his voice thick as he shook his head, “No, no. Let’s try it. Can’t get any worse, can it?” he asked with a bashful smile.
He set his coat down on a chair and slid off his shoes, to Tony’s relief. Then he gently took Tony’s hands in his. There was nothing different about holding Tony this way, compared to before. Tony held the same grace in Steve’s pajamas he guided Steve through the steps once more. Steve saw nothing past the light in his eyes as he coaxed Steve along, his voice encouraging and cheerful. Why he cared so much, Steve would never know, but he was glad of it.
They waltz around the room to jives, upbeat jazz, and commercials alike; paying the radio little attention. Steve moved better than before, against all odds, smoothly gliding along, wise of the furniture in the small space they’d carved for themselves.
“Great job, handsome,” Tony cheered, his face lighting up as he went on all about the things Steve had left to learn. Steve’s heart beat faster.
The music swelled as time seemingly slowed, the room fading away. Steve spun Tony out gracefully and then drew him into a kiss. With a gasp, Tony’s mouth fell open as Steve poured out everything he had: every fear, every hope, every last bit of the desire he’d kept buried deep. He sighed, eyes wet as he held him closer, the taste of salt on his tongue as he cupped Tony’s face. He tried to soften it, pulling away only to find himself kissing him again, twice, three times as his heart damn near beat out of his chest.
Tony let out a soft sound, touching Steve’s chin and Steve ripped himself away, covering his mouth in horror. He backed away, the distance doing a poor job of clearing his head. He touched his lips where they still tingled, the warmth lingering. His nerves got the best of him as he stuttered out apologies.
Tony took hold of his shirt, sliding in front of Steve, his eyes squeezed shut as he cupped the back of Steve’s neck and pressed his forehead to Steve’s. “No, I want to,” he murmured, kissing Steve’s chin, his cheeks, “I’ve always wanted to.”
Steve breathed heavily in the quiet space between them, feeling Tony’s lips softly brush his, hesitant and growing more insistent as Steve sighed and opened for him seamlessly. It was slow and anything but soft: growing needier as Tony held fast to his shirt and Steve pulled the tie from his hair. It fell softly around them as Tony backed towards the bed, slipping his tongue in Steve’s mouth. Steve groaned, arousal pooling in his belly as he held tight to Tony’s stolen shirt and they fell back on the bed.
He felt a hardness brush his hip and pushed down against it, resting his hands on either side of Tony’s head. Warm hands slid beneath Steve’s shirt as Tony eagerly pulled the shirt over Steve’s head. Steve chased his mouth soon after, his dog tags sliding down against Tony’s chest as Steve lost himself in the wet warmth of Tony’s mouth. It was hard to concentrate past the way Tony was sucking on his tongue, his palms gliding over Steve’s bare chest.
Steve helped Tony tug off his slacks, helping him with the pajama pants in return. The wet slide of their cocks in between drew soft groans from both of them. Steve was hard and pulsing between them, wet enough for the both of them. A clever slide of Tony’s hips made him buck gracelessly and he pulled away with a gasp, Tony’s eyes snapping open to meet his.
Wide and dazed, his brown eyes were so dark, they were nearly black. “What is it?”
“Are you,” Steve swallowed, trying to focus on his intent and not the need coursing through him. “Are you sure?”
Tony licked his lips, bruised and wet and stoking the fire in Steve’s belly. “I’m sure,” he whispered. “Honest. Are you?”
Steve nodded, a sobering thought occurred, “I’ve never done this before.”
Tony’s mouth quirked, an unreadable expression on his face as he said, “That’s okay.”
“You have,” Steve said quietly. Tony nodded. “With Johnny?” Another nod. “Did he… hurt you?”
Tony shook his head, a small line forming between his brows, “No. Never.” He shifted beneath Steve, a thoughtful expression, “You’re worried.”
“You liked it?” Steve asked and Tony nodded, reaching up to kiss Steve’s cheek.
“But this will be better because it’s you,” he said solidly. He pulled Steve closer, kissing his lips as he murmured, “It’s supposed to be better with someone you love.”
Steve pulled back, gazing down at him wondrously. Tony’s cheeks warmed and he looked as though he wasn’t sure if it was wise to have spoken but he didn’t look away. He held Steve’s gaze even as he caught his lip between his teeth in nervousness. Steve’s throat tightened and he leaned in wordlessly, releasing Tony’s lip with his thumb and kissing it softly.
It was tender and slow, enough to convey everything Steve couldn’t say.
He pulled away, his eyes wet as Tony slid over towards the nightstand and reached into a drawer. He pulled out a small bottle that sent Steve’s skin aflame. He opened it and slicked one of his fingers, offering a small smile when Steve moved back to allow him more room to work. He watched avidly as Tony circled his tight pucker with the slick tip of his middle finger, stomach tightening at the eager way the muscle flexed beneath the digit. The first dip inside drew a quiet intake of breath from them both, Steve’s eyes caught on the sight of the digit sliding in past the first knuckle. Steve’s cock jerked and spilled more precome along his thigh but he paid it no mind.
Tony started to slowly pump it in and out, his breathing growing heavier with every slick slide inside. Just the finger seemed to have an effect but Steve couldn’t help but note how much thinner Tony’s fingers were compared to his own. Which led him to wonder how Tony would react were it Steve’s finger sliding inside of him.
To both of their surprise, Steve asked, “Could I – would you mind if I was the one to… do this?” Tony blinked at him, a question in his eyes. “If that’s okay. If – if it’s not, that’s okay, too. I’m happy just to watch but…” he trailed off, swallowing as his face burned.
Tony pulled his finger out and handed the bottle to Steve with a raspy, “Johnny never wanted to. I just assumed.”
He leaned back against the pillows, spreading out which sent another flash of heat down Steve’s spine. He moved in closer, his stomach tightening in anticipation as he slicked his finger the way he’d watched Tony earlier. He circled the rim carefully, biting down a groan as Tony took it gratefully, pulling him in easily. He was so hot inside, engulfing Steve’s finger in wet heat as he played in it for a moment. Tony shivered, settling on his back and waiting as Steve dipped his ring finger inside afterwards. The stretch drew a soft gasp from Tony, catching Steve’s gaze as he breathed out slowly and muffled a moan.
“You okay?”
Tony nodded and, at Steve’s pause, he explained, “Really, your fingers are perfect.”
Steve warmed and continued to pump his fingers inside carefully, keeping his eye on Tony’s face as he worked. He slid in a third, curling his fingers curiously and earning an arch of Tony’s back.
“Steve,” he gasped, his thighs tensing as Steve curled them again. Tony’s cock jerked wetly along Steve’s t-shirt, the sight making Steve’s mouth water in anticipation. “I’m not going to last if you keep that up,” he sighed.
Steve nodded, behaving himself in working up to a fourth. At this point, he was tormenting both of them, the tight heat around his fingers making his cock pulse and drip in envy. Steve poured some oil on his cock, stroking the length to pace himself before he got into position. Tony gazed up at him, his face flushed as he waited patiently. Or so Steve thought before he rolled his hips and drew a low groan from Steve’s lips.
“Did I keep you waiting?” Steve teased breathily, smiling as he lined himself up.
“You’re a real jerk, you know that,” Tony replied with a grin, his breath catching as the blunt head of Steve’s cock pressed against the wet rim.
Steve held his gaze steadily, tongue in his teeth as he slowly pushed in, meeting a little resistance before the head popped inside, drawing soft gasps from the both of them. Steve sunk in slowly, the heat making his vision white out but he kept it slow and steady. He let himself fall further, letting Tony take a little more of his weight as Tony made space for him.
The first thrust of his hips was experimental, hanging on Tony’s every sound for any sign of discomfort. Hearing none, he pushed in again, building up steam as a clever twist of his hips earned a quiet intake of breath, another slide earning a low moan. A gentle roll of his hips earned a muffled curse and a rough snap of his hips drew a louder one. Steve built up a steady pace, nosing into Tony’s neck as he lost himself in the rush of it.
Lips brushed his ear, sending brushfire down his spine as Tony keened. “So good, so good for me. So close, Steve.” Steve shuddered, edging closer to the peak as he snapped his hips desperately, chasing the fire building within. Tony’s needy little gasps, the answering rolls of his hips as he pushed down to take even more of Steve’s cock. His earnestness and his praise were nearly too much. “Christ, Steve – Steve,” he cried out, stiffening suddenly as his cock jerked between them.
He tightened around Steve’s length, his fingers tightening in Steve’s hair as he came. Steve panted wetly against his neck, mouth falling open as he clutched Tony possessively. His orgasm built in a steady climb, plunging into Tony in longer and deeper strokes with increasing need until it was all encompassing. It hit him like a punch to the gut; his eyes snapping shut as he bucked his hips and spilled messily inside. Tony groaned softly, stroking his back and murmuring softly in his ear. Steve sighed, fucking into him lazily as he continued to pulse and fill Tony with more.
When he came down, Tony was softly carding his fingers through his hair. Settling, Steve let himself relax and calm his breathing for a moment. Then, he pulled out carefully, left and returned with a washcloth. He cleaned up briefly, dropping a kiss to the inside of Tony’s knee before he returned the washcloth.
He climbed in beside Tony once more and bundled him in his arms. “Was I… okay?”
Tony smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he replied, “You were better than okay. You were perfect.”
“I didn’t hurt you?”
“No, and I knew you wouldn’t.” He touched Steve’s cheek, yawning briefly before he murmured, “I’ll be a little sore tomorrow but that’s normal. Nothing I can’t handle.”
Steve nodded, dropping a kiss to Tony’s shoulder. Tony was drifting off but Steve had to ask, “You’ve always wanted to?” Tony opened his eyes and looked to him curiously. “You said you’ve always wanted to kiss me.”
The corner of Tony’s mouth turned up, “I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” He shifted to get a better look at Steve’s face. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me since I first saw you.”
Steve stared at him in disbelief, watching Tony trail his fingers over Steve’s chest as he went on. “Then, it was purely shallow. You’re very handsome, you know? But… over time, you were the only one that saw me. Peggy and Jarvis, they love me. I know that but you… you saw all of me. And you kept coming back. And you were so kind and just… annoyingly good . I thought you were perfect but you’re not.”
He smiled, his voice softening, “You’re awkward and tell some of the corniest jokes I’ve ever heard. You overthink things enough to give me a run for my money. And you know me better than I know myself and you still look at me like,” his voice broke, eyes widening as he swallowed. “Like I’m something worth seeing.”
Steve took up his hand and kissed his fingers, squeezing his eyes shut as Tony whispered, “I don’t want to lose this.”
He rested his cheek on Steve’s shoulder as Steve spoke, “That day in the lab, I was so sure I’d scared you away.” His voice grew rough, “And I know now why you left but… I thought I’d scared you away and that hurt because that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”
Tony laughed tearfully, nosing into Steve’s cheek as he replied, “You could never scare me away. I can say that now that I’ve seen you dance.”
+
The next day, Steve awoke to his nose buried in Tony’s hair, his back pressed to Steve’s front.
Steve was hard, his cock rising up to slide between Tony’s cheeks. He pushed back, gasping when Tony took hold of the arms around his waist and pulled Steve closer.
Steve smiled, ignoring his arousal as he held Tony tighter. Tony woke slowly, a small snuffle into the pillows before he began to push back in Steve’s grip, rolling his hips slowly against Steve’s. Steve’s breathing quickened, watching Tony reach for the oil and pass it back to Steve. He was still fairly loose from last night, the feel of it making Steve bite down a needful moan. He slid in deep, gripping Tony’s shirt tighter as he cried out. With his free hand, Steve took hold of Tony’s half hard cock and stroked him in time with the lazy thrusts of his hips.
“So fucking full, Christ, Steve,” he panted, pushing back earnestly. “So perfect for me.”
Steve squeezed his eyes shut, the bed rocking as he picked up the pace. Tony pulsed hard in his hand, Steve’s thumb sliding over the slit as he stroked. Steve came with a curse, burying himself deep inside as he stroked Tony’s cock and took him apart. Tony’s head fell back, mouth falling open as he shot over Steve’s hand and the side of the bed. Groaning softly, Tony worked back on Steve’s cock, milking him greedily.
Steve sighed, palming Tony’s stomach as they came down.
“I knew you’d be trouble,” Steve murmured, earning a sleepy laugh.
“Maybe I’m just a hedonist at heart,” he replied softly, covering Steve’s hand with his own. “What did you have planned for the day? I could do that about five more times.”
The words send a flash of heat down Steve’s spine but he answered honestly, “I wanted to take you on a boat ride.” He kissed Tony’s shoulder and added, “But we could do this, too.”
Tony laughed, the sound lifting Steve’s spirits tremendously. He desperately wondered if that sound would ever stop having this effect on him. If he’d ever stop being this ridiculously smitten.
He held Tony tighter as Tony traced shapes over his hand. “We can go be productive, if you’d prefer.”
After some time, Steve pulled out and padded over to the shower. He started the water and gathered the soap, setting everything on the counter while he waited for the water to heat. He stepped inside, ducking his head under the spray as the curtain opened. Steve turned, his stomach tightening as Tony stood before him naked. He climbed in, a challenging glint in his eye.
“We’ll conserve water this way,” he said by way of explanation.
Steve shook his head knowingly, leaning in for a kiss. He pulled back to whisper, “We’ll never leave the room at this rate.”
Tony grinned as Steve took in the sight of him fully naked. Last night, he’d kept Steve’s shirt on and Steve had thought it an afterthought in the haze of everything that was going on. Now, he wondered if it had something to do with the thin line of scar tissue down the center of Tony’s chest. He reached out carefully to touch, it looking to Tony’s face in question.
“Heart defect,” Tony replied, his eyes shuttering ever so slightly. “I was born with it. I had a couple of surgeries to correct it.”
Steve nodded, his hand trailing down as he leaned in to kiss the center of it, feeling Tony shiver in response. He followed the path, kissing the length of the scar, Tony’s stomach and following the soft trail of damp hair. Tony was soft, growing harder and more insistent as Steve took hold of him. The spray beat down on his back as he stroked Tony a couple of times and took him into his mouth.
Steve stepped out first, feeling worn out but relaxed and ridiculously cheerful. Someone had dropped the mail off and Steve went to retrieve it. They’d dropped off the paper as well and Steve had a moment where he realized how easily someone could have overheard what they’d done this morning. The men might have suspected Steve had brought his “war bride” back to his room but, upon seeing them leave this morning, they’d realize what transpired.
It seemed Lady Luck had been on their side.
He dressed and sat down in the chair while he waited for Tony. He unfolded the paper, reading through it as he heard the water turn off and Tony’s quiet footsteps. Steve resolutely kept his eyes on the paper out of fear of delaying their day once more. He couldn’t help it: the sight of Tony clothed was enough to drive him crazy. Bare was a whole new ballgame and Steve continued to lose it.
“Something going on in New York?” Tony asked, strolling over as he ran a towel over his hair. Steve glanced over and watched a bead of water beat a trail down Tony’s neck and disappear beneath his robe.
Steve swallowed, returning to the paper. “What?”
“You’ve been staring at the paper for ten minutes straight, doll. Either it’s riveting stuff or you woke up this morning and forgot how to read.” He moved in closer, the scent of soap and lavender in Steve’s nose as he sat on the arm of the chair to get a better look. Steve flustered and nearly dropped the damn thing. “What is it?”
Steve swallowed, his voice low, “You make me nervous.” Tony laughed, his voice warm in Steve’s ear. “Always have.”
“No idea why,” Tony began, reaching out for the paper when something else caught his eye. Steve watched Tony’s brow furrow before he stiffened, eyes widening in pain. He slumped further against Steve, murmuring, “Nancy.”
“What is it?” Steve asked, looking closer at the paper. He read on, his heart heavy.
“… the attack on St. Edwards base. Mr. Henry Panochette and Mrs. Nancy Panochette, neé McIntyre are survived by their two children: Iris and Anthony who were off base at the time. Mrs. Panochette was twenty-seven years old.”
“Tony,” Steve began, reaching for his hand as Tony stood, clutching his hand over his stomach as he backed away from the chair.
“How did this happen?” Tony asked. Steve took his hand and pulled him in close. Tony shook in his grasp, his hair wet against Steve’s chin.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Tony gripped Steve’s shirt, his breathing wet against his chest.
“She just sent me a letter.”
“I know,” Steve said, stroking his back, his chest pulling tight. He rocked Tony gently, every stifled sob like a pin in his heart. He held him tighter, as if he could hold Tony together through sheer strength and force of will. Tony’s knees were weak, leaning on Steve for support as his breathing grew rougher.
Steve didn’t know how to comfort Tony in this; god knows he hadn’t taken Bucky’s death well. But he would try.
Steve gave word to the boys about Nancy and that he’d be staying in for a quiet night. They’d been understanding. Gabe had even prepared a tray of comfort foods and sent Steve back to the room with it. He thanked Gabe for the gesture and thought; he knew Tony wouldn’t be up for eating.
They lied in bed together, much like they had on Tony’s second day but the quiet was deafening. Steve stroked his back, pushing down every part of him that wondered, if he’d been out chasing Schmidt, this might not have happened. If he’d gotten the intel himself, if he’d chased the lead personally, would they have found out the next attack wasn’t New York but California. Schmidt hadn’t gone for the largest city but one of the larger ports.
Steve cursed, nosing into Tony’s hair and chasing the thought away.
“Steve, what am I doing?” Tony asked quietly. Steve carded his fingers through his hair as he went on, “Going show to show, dancing on a stage when people are dying.”
Steve’s chest tightened, “You make people happy, Tony. We could all use-“
“A little more of that, I know,” Tony finished hastily. “Nancy said that. But I could be doing more.” He sat up slowly, his face drawn, his stare piercing. ‘You know I could.”
“You hated that your father made weapons.” He slid a hand down Tony’s arm in comfort but Tony pulled away.
“I don’t have to make weapons. Weapons wouldn’t have helped Nancy. I can make bunkers or safer planes or shelters or – or,” his breathing quickened and Steve pulled him in close as he struggled to finish. “I can make things but I ran away. I wasn’t there. She asked me to visit and I wasn’t there,” he finished miserably, holding tight to Steve’s sleeves as he shook.
Steve held him tighter, saying a wordless thanks to whoever was listening that they’d sent Tony here instead.
“It’s okay,” Steve whispered, stroking his back. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Of course, sweetheart,” he said cheerily, the sarcasm seeping through. Steve leaned in and kissed his forehead before opening the door to their quarters.
“You’re really sure about this?” he asked once more and Tony stopped.
“Steve, I’m on hiatus. Margot understands and the girls will wait for me.” Steve locked up behind them as he added, “Let me help.”
Steve nodded, his back turned as Tony took a slow breath in.
He wasn’t sure.
In fact, the last thing Tony wanted to do was give up his life on the road. The girls, the bright lights, the costumes, the adrenaline of being on stage… that was the life! He could be whoever he wanted to be and he could forget about the war going on around them, just for a little while. And the audiences he entertained could forget, too.
He’d never considered giving all that up before but… with Steve, it was bearable.
With Steve, he could see mornings spent lying in bed, humoring Steve when he tried to teach Tony the “proper” way to brew coffee, and dinners spent hiding smiles from each other. It was all saccharine and ridiculously sappy, but it was the life Tony had never thought he could have.
It was the life he’d wished for Nancy.
He thought she would have wanted him to return to the show but, how could he? He could do good here. He knew it.
So, he followed Steve down the halls towards the briefing rooms.
They entered, sliding through the back row of assorted personnel, excusing themselves as they went. Steve received quite a few polite smiles and nods but Tony only received questions. It had been a while since he’d seen anyone from the service in person and not from his place on stage. And before the USO, he’d been hidden away in the lab so he was sure few of them had any idea who he was.
Gabe Jones smiled at them and made room for them beside him in the corner. General Waylon was speaking on the weapon they’d caught sight of in the photos of Schmidt’s men. Tony had brought a pad of paper but he didn’t take any notes, cataloguing everything mentally.
When it came down to their plan of attack, he perked up. “We need a quiet method of getting over enemy lines so we can send in a small dispatch of soldiers. Anything more than ten men will catch Schmidt’s attention and any less, we risk not having enough time to get any new information. Unfortunately, a plane is out of the question but-“
“Excuse me, General?” Tony asked, drawing everyone’s eyes rather quickly. It sent a nervous rush through his body but he moved past it. “Why is a plane out of the question?”
The corner of Waylon’s mouth curled up, clearly not happy about being interrupted. “And who are you?”
“Tony Stark,” he answered, earning a few muffled whisperings from several of the men lining the walls.
“Howard’s son? Last I heard, you were missing. Or on vacation. Which was it?”
“Neither,” Tony replied. “You’re a father, right? You don’t know where your kids are 24/7 do you?” he asked and Gabe hid a laugh in a cough.
Waylon ignored the comment and pushed on, “Planes are too loud. I would think Howard’s boy would know that.’
He started to return to his presentation but Tony wasn’t done. “I can make a stealthier plane.”
Silence.
“Excuse me?” Waylon asked.
“I can make it,” Tony confirmed, biting his lip as his nerves started to get the best of him. Steve reached out subtly, slipping his hand into Tony’s in the space between them. It gave Tony the courage to continue. “I can design a plane quieter than the sleekest car on the market. And I can power it on something that lasts a hell of a lot longer than jet fuel.”
“Yeah right,” a voice muttered to his left.
“He really is Howard’s son,” a voice replied.
“I doubt it,” Waylon said with a gruff laugh, “Not even Howard could do that.”
“With all due respect General, I’m not my father. His limitations are not my own,” Tony said brazenly. He cocked his head to the side, “If you’d like, I could detail every aspect of the blueprint I have or you could take me at my word and give me a shot. What have you got to lose?”
Waylon bristled, looking around the room and then to Steve as if to blame him for the intrusion. Finally, he returned to Tony’s face and waved a hand. “See me after.”
When they returned to the room, Steve barely had time to shut the door before Tony cupped his face and crushed their mouths together. Steve’s mouth opened with a surprised laugh as Tony kissed him over and over, his hands starting in on Steve’s buttons.
“Did you see that?” he asked in between kisses, sliding his palms over Steve’s bare chest. “I was so nervous but I just – I just pushed through it and now we’re building one of my ideas!”
Steve smiled, his head falling back against the door as Tony started on his pants. Thumbing over a hard nipple before his tongue laved over the hard bud. Steve groaned, spreading his legs as Tony tugged his pants and underwear down. Tony dropped to his knees and nosed in, wrapping his hand around Steve’s half hard cock and stroking him gently.
“You’re really happy,” Steve noted with a breathy laugh.
Tony winked at him, kissing the center of Steve’s abdomen before sliding his tongue along the underside of Steve’s cock. Steve gasped, his hips bucking of their own accord. Considering what Tony learned that night, Steve was new to everything. So, Tony would be the first to do this for him. The thought alone made him shudder with pleasure, his mouth watering in anticipation.
He took Steve firmly in hand and lapped at the head, the bitter taste of precome exploding across his tongue. Steve was so wet for him; he’d been wet the first time they’d had sex. Maybe it was just a Steve thing or a product of the serum. Either way, it left the scientist in Tony wondering just how much come he could milk from Steve’s cock. If his refractory period was all that different from the average man.
Tony sighed, closing his lips around the head and suckling lightly. Steve bucked, glancing down at Tony with flushed cheeks before he covered his eyes and stuttered out an apology, “Sorry! I’m so sorry.”
Tony pulled off with a soft laugh and stroking Steve’s slick cock slowly. “It’s fine, Steve. I like it. Tells me I’m doing a good job.” He engulfed the head once more, taking more of Steve bit by bit. Steve was a big man; not only lengthy but the girth sent sparks of excitement down Tony’s spine, as well. He pressed the heel of his hand to his half hard cock and sucked ardently at Steve’s cock.
The weight of Steve on his tongue made his stomach tighten, every barely stifled groan and curse stoking the fire in his belly. He watched Steve’s abs tighten, the strain to keep still even after Tony told him to let go. He slid a palm over them, petting Steve until he relaxed. Tony pulled off, a string of saliva on from his lip to the tip. Steve’s hand was placed firmly over his eyes, lip caught between his teeth as his hips made little aborted bucks.
Tony palmed Steve carefully, his voice rough as he whispered, “Look at me.”
Steve shook his head, his voice equally rough, “Can’t. Won’t last long.”
Tony flushed warm with pleasure, his cock pulsing in his pants. “I like it when you look at me,” Tony replied softly, earning a hitching breath and Steve’s cock jerking wetly in his grip. Steve finally dropped his hand, meeting Tony’s gaze as he stroked Steve firmly and took the head in his mouth once more.
He watched his length disappear inch by inch between Tony’s bruised lips, swallowing audibly. Tony sucked him down, bobbing his head before pulling off with a pop that left Steve weak in the knees. He held Steve’s gaze as he took his down to the root once more, his eyes falling closed in pleasure. He swallowed wetly around the length, eyes popping open as Steve bucked his hips twice, his cock pulsing before he spilled down Tony’s throat.
Tony groaned, barely tearing his pants open in time as he came untouched, dirtying his shirt and Steve’s pant legs. He pulled back slowly, cleaning Steve carefully and wiping his mouth. Steve slid down the wall a bit, panting as though he’d run several miles. He slid down to meet Tony eventually, his hair windswept, cheeks flushed and face slack.
He reached out lazily, a sated grin on his face as he pulled Tony into a kiss. If the taste of his release bothered him, he didn’t let on. He slid his tongue into Tony’s mouth hungrily, his fingers twined in Tony’s hair as held him close. When they parted, Tony rested his cheek on Steve’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Steve murmured. “I should have said something when I was close.”
Tony laughed, pulled back, eyes softening as Steve carded his fingers through Tony’s hair. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you liked it.” His smile widened, “Steve, they’re going to build one of my ideas.”
Steve nodded, “Because it’s brilliant.” He kissed Tony’s forehead, whispering, “You’re brilliant.”
“You keep saying that,” Tony murmured. “Sooner or later, it’s going to go to my head.”
“I hope so,” Steve replies. He pulled back, a slight hesitation in his eyes. “Listen, I know you said you wanted to help. Are you sure you want to stay here to do that?”
Tony shook his head fondly, “This again.” He kissed the inside of Steve’s palm as he answered, “Yes, I want to stay. Yes, I’m sure. No, I’m not going to change my mind in a few days. What, do you want it in writing?”
Steve frowned, “Hey, I’m just worried about you.”
The concern in his tone made Tony bristle in response. He wasn’t entirely sure why. “Well don’t be.”
He pulled back a little and Steve reached for him with a sigh. “Tony, you found out about Nancy a little over a week ago. You were set to go back with the troupe a few days ago.”
“I know that,” Tony said plainly. “What’s your point?”
“You’re moving a little fast, don’t you think?”
“I think there’s a war going on and we don’t have time for me to draw up a pros and cons list.”
“Tony,” Steve began and Tony held up a hand, climbing to his feet and straightening his clothes.
“I get that you’re concerned but I’m not a kid, Steve.” He started towards the bathroom, muttering, “I don’t think I ever was.”
+++++
If Steve thought Peggy and Jarvis would help his cause, he’d been sorely mistaken.
He stood alongside Jarvis in the corner of the lab as Peggy chat with him about the blueprint for the plane. Watching Tony’s eyes light up excitably as he gestured wildly with his hands used to feel Steve with joy. A few weeks of this and it only filled him with dread.
He turned away, spreading his hands out on the back of a chair and lowering his head. “Captain,” Jarvis began. “Something is bothering you.”
“You’re okay with this?” Steve asked snappily.
Jarvis frowned, clasping his hands behind his back. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He raised his chin. “Anthony has always been passionate about his work. Even as a child.” A small smile graced his lips, “Used to sit me down after tea time and lecture me about physics. There were exams.”
It brought a small smile to Steve’s face even as the unsettling feeling remained. “He’s throwing it all away.”
Jarvis scratched at his brow, choosing his words carefully. “I failed Anthony.” Steve felt a stab of pain at the tone and the way Jarvis held himself like a wire strung taut. “I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. I trusted him to tell me when he needed me and that was a grave error on my part.”
“Jarvis, he doesn’t blame you,” Steve replied but Jarvis behaved as though he hadn’t heard.
“He doesn’t tell you when he needs you. He’d prefer to quietly lick his wounds than be a burden to anyone else. Whether that is simply his way or,” he swallowed thickly, “a method he adapted out of necessity, it is his way.”
Steve nodded, glancing over to where Peggy was asking Tony a question and gaining an excited flurry of movement in response. His heart weighed heavy on his chest, his voice rough as he asked, “So, you see why I’m concerned?”
“I understand but I’m not sure it’s warranted, Captain.”
Hands tightening around the chair, Steve tempered his response. He’d watched Tony slowly disappear. He spent most of time locked up in the lab or in their room. While Steve enjoyed the latter, every day passed watching Tony lose more and more of his spark. The bright light within him had begun to wither away. Tony didn’t tease him as much as he did before. He was still affectionate, clinging to Steve during the night as though he worried someone would steal him away.
Steve knew grief was a big part of this but, he couldn’t help but think this wasn’t the right place for Tony to work through it. It didn’t seem as though he’d given much thought to quitting the show before he’d sent the girls a letter decreeing it. He’d put on one last show in New York and then he was done for good. He’d signed away the happiest year of his life without batting an eye.
Steve spent his nights lying awake in worry. Tony would regret this. Steve had never forgotten the pained look on his face that day Steve and he fought in the medbay. The certainty that Tony would rather spend his days far from the base rather than watch them bring Steve back in a body bag.
And maybe this was Steve’s fault. Maybe he’d mentioned their struggles too often, how upset he’d been after Bucky, the men they lost every day trying pin down Red Skull’s location. Maybe he’d inadvertently guilted Tony into feeling like he wasn’t doing his part? Maybe trying to feed him and lying with him for hours in bed hadn’t been a productive method of support. Maybe Steve had set him back.
“He lost someone close to him and now he’s giving up the one thing that made him happy,” Steve said plainly, looking to Jarvis beseechingly
Jarvis thought this over for a moment, pursing his lips. “We all grieve in different ways. I trust I don’t have to tell you that.”
Steve nodded, “When I lost Bucky, I was ready to hunt down Schmidt on my own.”
“And Anthony’s response was to volunteer his ideas to help prevent others from suffering the way Ms. McIntyre and her family did. The way Mr. Barnes did. I’d say he has a handle on it.”
Sighing, Steve left the room quietly.
+++++
Tony lie on his stomach in one of Steve’s overly large sweaters and a pair of shorts. It left Steve warm at the sight of Tony’s bare legs once more. He traced a black line along the back of Tony’s calf, leading up to his thigh and disappearing beneath his shorts. Tony shivered, glancing at Steve over his shoulder.
Steve looked to him in question and Tony smiled. “Saved me from having to buy new pairs of nylons,” he explained, watching Steve trace the tattoo curiously. His fingers left a brushfire along Tony’s skin, his palm spreading out over the back of Tony’s thigh and sliding beneath the leg of his shorts.
Tony sighed, stretching out with a smile as Steve pushed up the back of his sweatshirt and kissed Tony’s lower back. As much as Tony wanted to give in, his cock clearly interested, he had work to finish. “Darling, give me an hour or two?”
Steve froze, his breath warm over Tony’s skin before he pulled the sweatshirt back down and sat back, taking Tony’s feet in his lap. Tony felt bad; it had been a few days since he’d touched Steve. Mainly because he was working but he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the plane down to the last calculation. He’d made such a show of differentiating himself from his father. He wanted to make sure he had the work to back it up.
Steve traced the underside of his foot, making Tony laugh before he focused on Tony’s toes. “Your polish is chipped,” he noted quietly. Tony hummed in response, focused on the notebook before him. “Don’t you care?”
Tony shrugged, “Not really. Who’s looking at my feet?”
Steve was silent for a moment before he excused himself. Tony watched him leave, a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. When he returned, he was carrying a small bottle. It was bright red polish; a shade Nancy would have loved. Tony’s chest tightened as Steve pulled up a chair and pulled Tony’s legs around to plant his feet in his lap.
Tony set the notebook down and watched Steve take his left foot and start painting his big toe. Head bowed, entirely focused on the task in front of, Steve was painstakingly careful, holding Tony gingerly, as though he was breakable. Tony watched him go over every toe several times, painting Tony’s nails with the level of focus granted to battle strategies. It left Tony with a lump in his throat, unable to work on his calculations as he watched.
He hadn’t been lying earlier: he hadn’t even noticed his polish was chipped. Usually, the girls changed colors a few times during the week and Tony often got dragged along. The last time he’d gotten them done had been a few weeks before winter vacation and Margot had insisted on painting his. Pedicures were a thing he did with his troupe. The idea of doing it on his own had never occurred to him.
But it mattered to Steve, for some reason Tony didn’t quite understand.
When Steve finished, he blew lightly on Tony’s toes, blonde lashes fanning out over his cheeks before he closed the bottle of polish. He kissed the tops of Tony’s feet and set them down, standing up and washing his hands in the small kitchenette. When he returned, Tony set his notebook aside and pet the tops of his thighs.
“Okay, your turn.” Steve blinked at him, a deer in headlights. Tony flashed a smile, the first genuine one in a while. That hurt to note. “It’s only right I return the favor.”
Steve blushed, rubbing his arm as he replied, “I couldn’t.”
“Yeah, yeah, I said that, too at first.”
He reached down and picked up one of Steve’s boots, untying the laces. Steve’s blush deepened but he helped, untying the right one and pulling off his boot and sock. His feet were bigger than Tony’s, his toes long and thin. Just touching the underside startled a laugh out of Steve as he inadvertently kicked out. Tony’s smile widened, warmth blooming in his chest. He learned new things about Steve every day.
“Get up on the bed with me,” he said, scooting back towards the head of the bed. Steve complied, stretching out and gingerly placing his feet in Tony’s lap. Tony shook his head fondly and yanked the left one closer to him.
“Is this the part where we talk about boys?” Steve asked and Tony laughed, eying him slyly beneath his lashes. Steve smiled bashfully and Tony realized it had been a while since he’d caught one of those.
“We can if you want,” Tony said, shaking the bottle and starting on Steve’s big toe. “Barb used to dish about who was sleeping with who. Margot found the whole thing a bit gauche. But Nancy,” he swallowed past the knot in his throat, concentrating on the task. “Nancy could dish with the best of ‘em. She had a real knack for it.”
“I’m sorry,” Steve said and Tony shook his head.
“No, no. I should talk about her.” He starting on the second nail, blowing on the first and earning a slight shiver. “She was my best friend. She gave me a place to belong when I had nothing. If I hadn’t run into her that night… I’m not even sure I’d be here right now. She took a chance on me and she didn’t have to.”
He blew on the second nail and started on the third. “I realized after, she saw some of herself in me. She never talked about it but, I get the sense she came from a similar home.” He froze, vision swimming as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped at it with the heel of his hand, taking a deep breath. “There’ll never be another Nancy, Steve.”
“I know,” Steve whispered somberly.
Tony nodded, ducking his head as he finished the rest of Steve’s left foot. Then an idea struck and he flashed a grin. “Tell you what. Let me finish your right foot and I’ll show you another thing she taught me.”
After dinner, Tony disappeared into the bathroom.
Steve straightened up, running a tired hand over his head. They’d had a good day today.
Getting Tony to open up about Nancy had worried him initially; concerned it would upset Tony but, instead, it seemed to have helped. He spoke more about the troupe, about the girls that filled Tony’s letters. He’d even spoken some about Johnny, though he’d been icier towards Tony after their tryst ended. Steve would be lying if he said he hadn’t gotten grim sense of satisfaction out of hearing that.
He set the clean plates in the drying rack and sat down on the bed when the door opened. When Tony reappeared, Steve felt his mouth fall open.
Tony stood before him in the Star-Spangled Singer outfit, complete with the garters and hat. He’d let his hair down and even applied the vibrant, red lip, as well. He flashed Steve a bright grin, moving over to the record player and starting a slow, sultry tune. A woman crooned softly, the melody cloying and seductive as Tony padded over slowly, his hips swaying.
This was dancing, but not as Steve had ever seen it. Well, not on stage, at least.
It was closer to what Steve had seen in the burlesque clubs he used to drag Bucky out of in France. Tony took hold of the hem of his skirt, lifting it to the beat of the song, teasing Steve with each inch of bare skin. Steve’s heart beat fast in his chest, his hands clenching around his pant legs as he watched.
The bass thumped on as Tony reached for the zipper of his dress, turning and sweeping his hair over one shoulder. He eyes Steve over his shoulder as the dress slid down smoothly. Steve swallowed, watching Tony reveal more skin and a hint of red lace. The dress slid down around his ankles and he stepped out of it, his hands on his hips as Steve’s breath caught in his throat.
How Tony had gotten his hands on this get up, Steve would never know. But he was grateful.
Tony stood in a black corset and lacey bloomers, red inlets along the seams and tying the whole thing together. He turned slowly, moving along to the song and rolling his hips smoothly. Steve was drawn closer to the edge of the bed, eyes caught on every inch of bare skin, the way the bloomers hugged Tony’s ass.
Steve longed to touch, the urge near painful as Tony teasingly snapped a garter and turned towards the back once more. He bent smoothly at the waist, the sight making Steve’s heart beat near out of his chest. The supple flesh of Tony’s ass mouth-watering as Tony moved to the melody. He rose slowly, eying Steve knowingly over his shoulder as he slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of the garment.
He slid them down teasingly, hips swaying to the song. This was a slow torture as Steve watched helplessly. Tony stepped out of them, revealing a pair of tight red panties that barely covered anything. He moved within range of the bed, taking hold of the tie to the corset when Steve reached out, quick as a viper.
He pulled Tony into his arms, crushing their mouths together. Tony sighed, his half hard cock pressed against Steve’s stomach as he sat Tony in his lap and devoured his mouth. Tony tugged at the tie distractedly, rolling his hips desperately against Steve as he did. Steve had been low on patience to begin with, taking hold of the corset and ripping it in two.
Tony pulled back with a hushed curse, “Christ, that was expensive.” His hips bucked in Steve’s grasp, a moan escaping. “Guess it was too much?” he asked with a breathy laugh.
“A little,” Steve admitted gruffly, laying Tony down on the bed and climbing over.
Beneath the corset, Tony had red strings laced across his body. Thin red lines tracing the shape of Tony’s pecs and crossing over his abdomen a couple times. Steve could easily tear them away but he quite liked them, bending down to run his mouth over a hard red bud and nipping at the other. He left red marks, more from the lipstick transfer than any real pressure with his teeth. His cock was hard and aching in his trousers, pressing painfully against his zipper.
He nosed in, kissing the inside of Tony’s thigh and kissing his clothed cock. Tony gasped, arching as Steve breathed wetly over the satin covering. Steve wouldn’t rip these; he hoped to see Tony in them again. He slid them off carefully, stomach tightening as he watched Tony’s cock fall wetly against his stomach. Steve spread his thighs, letting them fall over his shoulders as he slid his tongue over the underside. Tony shuddered, his thighs quivering in Steve’s grip as a thought struck him.
He raised Tony up, eyes caught on the tight pucker winking at him between Tony’s spread cheeks. Groaning, Steve bent Tony further and swiped his tongue over it. Tony bucked, a surprised moan escaping as Steve spread his cheeks firmly and dove in. Tony’s entrance tensed and relaxed beneath his tongue, loosening as Steve lapped at it hungrily, tugging at the rim with his thumb so he could dip further inside. Steve lost himself for a moment, the musky scent of Tony in his nose as he felt the muscle loosen beneath his mouth.
He was startled out of his reverie when Tony bucked suddenly, crying out and stiffening in Steve’s grasp. Steve pulled up, wiping at his mouth as he took in Tony’s flushed and slack face, his cock pulsing and releasing another spurt of come along his belly. Steve panted, sliding his tongue through the mess of come and lipstick. Tony slid his fingers through Steve’s hair, holding Steve there as he lapped at the come and took the tip of Tony’s spent cock in his mouth.
“God, Steve,” Tony cried out, barely covering his mouth in time as his cock jerked helplessly in Steve’s mouth. “Inside me,” Tony breathed, tugging at Steve’s shoulders. “Come on. Want to feel it.”
Steve rose up, rutting against Tony’s thigh as he reached for the oil in the bedside table. He slicked his cock, sliding his fingers inside Tony’s spit slick entrance just in case. They slid in with a squelching sound that made Tony blush beautifully. So hot and wet inside, Steve was tempted to explore this for a while longer. The play of emotions across Tony’s face, his brow furrowed, lips bitten as he keened and arched beneath Steve’s body. He wondered if he could bring Tony off again, if he’d have anything left to spill.
Tony pushed at Steve’s chest, rolling over on top and taking hold of the base of Steve’s cock. He positioned it at his entrance, the wet rim kissing the head as he slowly lowered himself down. Steve watched his abs tighten, thighs tensing as he moved carefully. Steve watched him wondrously, mouth open in awe as Tony took all of him, inch by inch, eyes closed in pleasure. When their hips met, Steve took hold of his waist and Tony met his gaze once more. His eyes were dark and hungry, framed by dark lashes and smudged eyeliner.
Steve had never loved anyone more.
He rose up, nosing into Tony’s throat as he raised Tony up and slowly pulled him down on his cock. Tony let out a breathy huff of air, his cock twitching between their bellies. Steve worked up to a needy rhythm, the fire within him drawing him to be rougher than he’d ever been before. He murmured apologies, Tony kissing away every one of them, riding him harder, hips rolling in time with Steve’s.
Steve slid an arm through the laces across Tony’s back, fingers twining in Tony’s hair as he kissed his throat. Tony gasped, hands tightening on Steve’s shoulders as he rose and fell. “Steve,” he cried out, tightening around Steve. Steve pumped into him harder, once, twice, his cock swelling within him. Tony scratched at his back, panting into Steve’s cheek as he came between them.
Steve cursed, taking Tony’s mouth, burying himself in deep and spilling messily inside. He fucked into Tony lazily, curling his arm around Tony’s back and sucking on his tongue. Tony panted, cock jerking helplessly between their bellies as Steve filled him to the brim. Finally, they came to a stop, Tony laughing breathily in his ear.
He tip toed over to the door, grabbing his boots as he went. When he looked back, Tony had rolled over into the warm space Steve had left, the sheets sliding down revealing his naked form. A smile graced Steve’s lips as he watched Tony nose into the pillow, sigh and settle once more. A gentle warmth bloomed within Steve’s chest as he closed the door behind himself and started down the hall.
Peggy met him at the end, quietly waiting with a friendly smile on her face.
When he got close enough, he asked, “What is it?”
“Colonel Philips believes we have a lead on Schmidt.”
Steve nodded, fatigue giving way to focus as he straightened. “Are we shipping out?”
“Not yet. We have a lead,” she emphasized, starting down the hall in her usual short clip. Some days, Steve had to hurry to keep up with her brisk pace. “We’re keeping an eye on him until we can figure out more about this weapon he’s building. No use going in half-cocked.”
Steve nodded, more content now than he would have been six months ago. Then, he’d wanted to end this war as fast as he could and damn the consequences. He’d volunteered for every mission he could, throwing himself into work with the force of a man with nothing to live for. And why wouldn’t he? Sure, he’d friends that cared about him and Tony’s letters to keep him warm. But at the end of the day, unlike the others, Steve didn’t have a family waiting for him. He didn’t have Bucky at his side threatening him with bodily harm should he “die on him”.
That had been six months ago. Before he’d told Tony how he felt about him and had his feelings returned. Before he knew what it felt like to hold Tony close and feel his skin beneath his hands. Before he knew what Tony’s hair looked like when he woke up, the way his laughter echoed when they slid around in their tiny shower, the sound he made when he came. Before Steve knew what it felt like to know someone needed him.
He wanted the war to end but, for the first time, he wanted to survive it.
They continued down the quiet hall a few paces before Peggy snorted, stifling a laugh in her hand. Steve looked to her curiously as she straightened up for a few seconds before devolving into laughter once more.
Smiling amusedly, he nudged her with his shoulder and asked, “What is it?” Peggy stifled another snort and he stopped in the hall, raising a brow. “What?”
She straightened up once more, biting down a smile as she composed herself. “I feel compelled to let you know that my room is right next to yours.”
Steve blinked at her confusedly for a moment before realization set in. Then he begged for the ground to swallow him whole.
He covered his burning cheeks, absolutely mortified. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize,” he stuttered out.
Peggy pet his shoulder and her tone sounded rather amused. “Don’t worry about it. No harm done. It’s only, well,” she chewed on her next words for a moment. “If I heard, there’s no way your neighbor on the left didn’t hear. Nor the one across from you. Or everyone down the hall,” she finished awkwardly.
Steve pulled his hands down, gazing at her in horror. She offered a sympathetic smile as he shook his head slowly. Running a hand over his hair, he sighed, “I just… we got carried away. Not that that’s an excuse. You told me to be careful and that’s the exact opposite of what that was. It won’t happen again.”
Peggy nodded brusquely, starting down the hall once more. Steve followed the quiet click of her heels, lost in thought. After a few minutes passed, Peggy nudged him and said, “I kind of hope it does. We have such limited time here. None of us knows how this will end. You should find joy wherever you can.” Steve noted the small smile in the corner of her lips. “With whoever you find it with.”
Steve held her gaze, “Philips told me a similar thing. He doesn’t think I’ll come back from this.”
Peggy’s brow furrowed, a slight annoyed twist to her mouth as she replied, “You don’t believe that do you?” She reached up and cupped his cheek, her eyes fierce and sincere. “You’re Captain America; the only person I know more stubborn than me. You’ll be fine.”
The certainty in her tone nearly made him believe her. She pet his cheek and they continued down the hall. When they entered the control room, the rest of the Commandos were seated around the table. All, save Dugan, were pointedly looking away from Steve. He winced internally but held his head high as he sat down in a chair at the front. He wondered if they’d been able to tell he hadn’t had a woman in his room.
Colonel Philips went through their intel, the location and who was still monitoring Skull’s army. He marked some key bases on the map and noted where they’d be headed once they had a plan of attack.
Then he turned to Steve, his voice gruff, “We’re not sure what exactly we’re dealing with here. Stark still has no clue what this glowing cube is or what it does. The higher ups want it brought back or destroyed. Which means, we’ll most likely be sending a team out as soon as the plane is finished. I want you all ready to be wheels up at a moment’s notice. I don’t want you wasting time making yourselves pretty.”
“Don’t worry, sir. I’m pretty enough,” Dugan boasted, earning a tossed ball of paper from Morita.
Steve smiled, getting up with the others to leave when Philips called out, “Rogers, hang back a minute.”
The others left, shooting Steve polite nods. Once the door closed, Steve moved in closer, watching as Philips shuffled through his papers for a moment. He kept his eyes down as he spoke, “You know how long I’ve been doing this job?”
“No, sir.”
“Nearly three decades.” He leaned back, pressing his fingers into his eyes with a grimace. “Spent nearly half my life here. I’ve seen all manner of men pass through here. Cowards, wannabe heroes and idiots.”
“Which one am I, sir?”
“A martyr,” Philips replied plainly. “Some men… they join up and don’t care much whether they make it home. Every regiment has a few of those. They don’t always make for good leaders; you want the ones that have a plan for survival.”
He stood slowly, straightening his belt with a sigh. He rapped his knuckles on the table, taking his time before he spoke again. Finally, he looked Steve in the eye and said, “Unless you have to make a call where that’s not possible.”
Steve stiffened, his stomach twisting as he asked, “Excuse me?”
“You are a captain, Rogers. You didn’t earn that rank. You pushed your way in here dragging several of my men. You were wearing a costume helmet and tights but you did what none of my other men could do. You didn’t earn your stripes the traditional way but you’ve more than earned them.”
Steve swelled with pride, even as he felt a nervous excitement rush through him. “Thank you, sir.”
“Don’t thank me. We don’t have time for a fancy ceremony,” he said gruffly. “Dismissed.”
+
Steve found Tony in their room working on the blueprint for the plane.
Last Steve saw, they’d made quite a bit of headway on it. The body was mostly in shape but the technical aspects of the navigational system and the controls was still being fleshed out. Tony was hard at work, pencil in one hand and the other twined in his hair as he muttered to himself. Steve closed the door behind himself and moved over to him.
Tony had been rather busy the past few weeks. Some days, Steve felt like they’d barely spoken. He’d say something and Tony would simply hum or nod in a way that made Steve wonder if he’d been heard at all. One day, he’d spent the entirety of their dinner in silence. Steve knew Tony was simply excited about the chance to finally be recognized for his intelligence. Howard certainly hadn’t instilled confidence in him and all of this was important to him. Steve knew that but, it didn’t make it any easier to understand this chasm widening between them.
He’d started to wonder if he’d just been Tony’s rest stop on his way to something greater.
Today, Tony paid him no attention as he continued working and Steve felt his nerves start to get the best of him. “Did you eat something?”
Tony shrugged, continuing to work.
“You really should eat,” Steve said lightly, leaning against the desk. Tony paid him no mind and he sighed, “Okay.”
He started to move away when Tony shifted, stretching his neck and pressing down on a sore spot on his shoulder. Steve frowned, reaching over to touch him. He pressed down experimentally with his thumbs and felt Tony shudder, letting out a low moan.
“God, that feels amazing.” It had been a while since Steve had touched him and his words made Steve’s face warm in response.
“That’s what you get for sitting hunched over so long. It’s not good for your neck.” He pressed down lower, earning another moan. “Or your back.”
“Well, I don’t have a choice. I can’t stop working,” he replied, earning an annoyed tick of Steve’s brow. He sighed, resting his head back to stare up at Steve. There was a mischievous glint in his eye; one that would only spell trouble for them.
“What?” Steve asked warily.
“I know where the secret bathtub is,” he said slyly.
Steve shook his head, watching Tony stand and glide around the room grabbing towels and soap. Steve stood in the center, a helpless smile on his face as he said, “Tony, we can’t. That’s for generals and commanders.”
“Why should they get to have all the fun?” Tony asked, pulling a pin from his hair. “Besides, I’ve never met a lock I can’t pick.”
Tony didn’t know how to pick the lock.
He understood the practice in theory but when faced with an actual lock, he cursed and fiddled until the pin started to break and Steve pushed him aside. Tony gave him a doubtful look as Steve shrugged and said, “Be my look out.”
Steve had never met a lock he couldn’t pick.
He let Tony into the tub room and locked the door behind him. The lights flickered on, the sight of the room drawing a surprised gasp from Tony’s lips. This bathroom was huge! The white tile floors were pristine and clean, a large wall length mirror on one side of the room and a few benches on the other side. It was meant for higher ups to wash up, although their rooms also had showers attached. Now that Steve had seen this place he understood why they were so much more relaxed.
Tony started the bath, pouring in soap he’d gotten from god knows where. Steve was afraid to ask. It wasn’t the soap issued in the commissary, inexpensive and rather bland to the nose. This soap carried the soft scent of lavender, creating suds that rose fairly quickly and covered the bottom on the tub. Tony moved towards Steve with a teasing glint in his eye.
He started on Steve’s top button, nosing in to kiss his collarbone as he pulled the lapels down his shoulders. He undressed Steve gently, the gesture making Steve’s chest swell with warmth. He returned the favor, stripping Tony bare and tying his hair up. Tony turned the water off and climbed in before Steve, gesturing for Steve to climb in, in front.
Steve admired him from outside, shaking his head as he said, “You know this is against the rules.”
Tony rose a brow, resting against the wall of the tub with a smirk, “And I’m sure you’ve never broken a rule. How many times did you lie on your enlistment form before you got accepted?”
Laughing, Steve climbed in with a snappy, “Touché.”
The water was hot, just shy of scalding. It felt wonderful on Steve’s sore bones and he sighed, sliding back and resting against Tony’s chest. Tony draped a soapy arm across his chest, his breathing quiet in Steve’s ears. It was nice just sitting here in silence, Tony warm and firm at his back. They sat in the quiet for quite some time before Tony picked up a washcloth and wet it.
Water splashed quietly, droplets trailing down Steve’s skin as Tony started washing Steve’s chest. His lips brushed Steve’s cheek as he spoke, “I know I’ve been pretty absent lately. I’m sorry.”
Steve closed his eyes, relaxing as Tony took care of him. “It’s fine. I know how much this means to you.”
Tony paused in his ministrations for a second before dipping the washcloth in the water once more and running it over Steve’s shoulder. He nosed into Steve’s cheek, his words soft, “You’re important to me, too. You know that, right?”
Steve’s chest tightened as he swallowed. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Tony continued, running the washcloth over Steve’s stomach. “I know my dad didn’t pay my mom a lot of attention. Kept her in the house a lot until there was some gala or charity ball and he paraded her around like a trophy for a night.” He let out a slow breath, his hand dropping in the water once more. “I don’t want you to feel like a distraction.”
Steve frowned, opening his eyes to the wide room. “I don’t. I just… I worry that you’re throwing your life away and you didn’t give it much thought.” Tony stiffened as Steve hurried to add, “I don’t want to fight with you again. I really don’t. I just… I never told you what I did when Bucky died.”
“We talked about it a few times.”
“I told you I threw myself in work but I didn’t tell you everything.” He averted his eyes to his hands, shifting slightly in the water. “I wanted to kill them. Schmidt, his men… everyone that had anything to do with it. I’d never been that angry before. It consumed me.
“Peggy talked me down. She’s good at that,” he added with a small smile. “Underneath everything, the rage, the grief… I realized I was stuck in place because I felt guilty. If I’d been a better leader, a better soldier, Bucky would still be here. My failure cost my best friend his life.”
His eyes warmed as his voice grew thick, “And I can never take that back.”
Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s chest, murmuring words of comfort in his ear as he rocked him gently. “It wasn’t your fault, Steve.” His hand pet Steve’s left pec soothingly. “It wasn’t. I know you. You did the best you could.”
Steve clenched his eyes shut, shivering as Tony held him close. “What I’m trying to say is, I need you to be sure.” He turned to look Tony in the eye. “I want you to do something that makes you happy. That’s important to me.”
Tony held his gaze, his lips pursed as he thought Steve’s words over. His cheeks were flushed from the heat of the water, eyes bright and clear in the light from above. He was beautiful, his lashes long and curved, his head cocked to the side as he considered Steve.
His nose wrinkled briefly as he responded, “We don’t ever talk about the future.”
I might not have one, Steve bit back.
“I know.”
The corner of Tony’s mouth turned up as he pushed at Steve’s shoulder and he faced the front once more. “I used to think it was because you didn’t intend to spend it with me. And I get it: I’m not the easiest person to be around. I’m messy, a little bit prickly and embarrassingly self-deprecating at times. Not exactly a catch.”
Steve shook his head, displacing the water between them until Tony smacked him playfully to keep him still. “Then there’s the whole gender thing. I’m not a woman. If we – we could never be married or – or have a family. Not like you’re supposed to – like everyone else,” he finished roughly. “I never really cared about that kind of stuff before. Other people, the future is all they think about. It’s what drives them but me… I never thought I’d make it to twenty-two and here I am.”
Steve took his free hand and held it tight under the water. “I never cared about that stuff before but with you… I want whatever I can get. I don’t know what that means.” He resumed washing Steve’s shoulders, his neck and behind his ears. “Maybe we’ll travel! There’s still so much I want to show you. And after that, or if you get bored, we could come back here. Or maybe Brooklyn. You’d like that, I think. I could help run one of my mother’s charities or maybe open a coffee shop or become a professor. Maybe I’ll take up tennis.”
Steve heard the excitement, the sheer wonder in Tony’s voice and the weight on his chest pressed down harder. It should have warmed his heart to hear Tony so easily fit Steve into his future. Instead, it only made him more aware of the uncertainty of his survival. Schmidt was still out there and when the orders came down, Steve would have to go. It didn’t matter that his time here with Tony had been the best of Steve’s life, that Tony cared for him in a way no one else had. It didn’t matter that Steve wanted to stay here.
All that mattered was that Steve had a duty to this country, to protect the people inside of it. When the orders came, Steve would go.
But… for a now, it was nice to pretend.
“You’ve never been to Brooklyn,” Steve mused, shifting slightly as Tony started on his thighs. “You’d like it there. Not as fancy as where you grew up but I grew up down the street from the best Italian restaurant in the state.”
“A bold statement,” Tony replied, his hand sliding smoothly to the inside of Steve’s thigh. His breath caught, stomach tightening as Tony spread his legs wider. “What’s the rent like there?”
“Pretty fair.” Tony’s fingers trailed over the inside of his thigh as Steve’s cock jerked with interest. “I’d have back pay. We could afford it.”
“Yeah?”
Tony’s breath was warm on his cheek as he wrapped his bare hand around Steve’s cock, stroking it firmly. Steve gasped, relaxing against Tony’s chest as he took up a slow rhythm. Tony’s cock pressed against his back, sliding between his cheeks slippery and wet beneath the water. Panting, Steve pushed into Tony’s fist, nosing into Tony’s throat as heat coiled in his belly.
It had been a while since they’d touched and Steve suspected this would be over embarrassingly quickly. His breath came out in soft pants, soft splashes of water as Tony’s hand worked knowingly. Steve relaxed against him, hips rolling mindlessly as Tony took care of him.
Tony murmured endearments in his ear, his hand quickening. Steve keened, the steady heat rolling through him as Tony whispered, “That’s it. Come on, baby. Come for me.”
Steve gasped, tensing in Tony’s arms as his cock pulsed and spilled over Tony’s hand into the water. Tony groaned, milking him gently as Steve shook against his chest. After, he slid his palm along Steve’s chest and just held him close. Steve felt more relaxed than he’d been the past month, drifting off in the warm water, Tony nice and snug against his back.
After some time, he shook himself a little. More awake as he turned to face Tony and asked, “What about you?”
Tony laughed softly, leaning in to kiss Steve’s lips, “I’m fine.” At Steve’s guilt, he shook his head fondly. “Make it up to me.” He turned around to face the wall of the tub, “Wash my back.”
Steve nodded, mouth going dry at the miles of bare, olive toned skin. He’d seen Tony naked more than a few times but in the shower, it was a little hard to note details and he liked to see Tony’s face when they had sex. Now, he noted the small birthmark in the center of Tony’s back, the small scar along his hip. The knots of his spine as he rose up for Steve’s comfort, droplets beating trails down the smooth, soft skin of his back.
Steve soaked a clean washcloth and ran it down the nape of Tony’s neck, rising up on his knees. He worked attentively, his eyes trailing over Tony’s body covetously as the brush of his skin against Tony’s drew minute shivers. He palmed Tony’s hip to steady him, earning a soft intake of breath. Steve’s cock gave an interested twitch against his thigh, pressing in closer as the washcloth drifted lower. Dropping wet sucking kisses along Tony’s throat, he cupped his chin as he washed Tony’s back, dropping down over his cheeks.
He moved around, washing Tony’s chest as his lips brushed over Tony’s spine, tonguing the birth mark in the center. He dropped lower, wrapping the cloth around Tony’s half hard cock as his mouth traced a path to the firm globes of Tony’s ass. Tony gasped, bucking forward as Steve stroked him gently and spread him open with his free hand. Drunk off Tony’s bitten off moans, Steve swiped his tongue brazenly over the tight pucker, stomach tightening with hunger as it flexed beneath his tongue. Tony seemed torn, caught between pushing into Steve’s fist and pushed further on Steve’s tongue. He chose the latter, his hands gripping the edge of the tub as he spread out for Steve, letting out a soft whine when the tip dipped inside.
Steve had only done this once before. After that night, it had been a thought that occurred once or twice when they’d finished and Tony lie before him, his hole swollen and dripping with Steve’s come. He’d thought about what it would feel like to run the flat of his tongue over the warm, stretched rim, to taste Tony in the one spot he’d been too nervous to ask about. Now, he tasted mostly of soap but it was worth it to feel Tony gradually loosen up for his tongue, his entrance contracting beneath it as if begging for a finger.
He lost himself in the task, returning the care Tony had shown him. He took over holding Tony up when his knees weakened, resting a forearm on Tony’s lower back as he dug in further, obscene wet sounds of his tongue bringing a warmth to his cheeks. His cock curved up hard and insistent, brushing his belly as he rolled forward mindlessly against Tony’s thigh.
“Steve,” Tony called out, his voice echoing in the room. “I need more.”
Steve groaned, dropping the washcloth in the water and tracing Tony’s slick rim with the pad of his finger. He dipped in briefly, moaning at the tight, clenching warmth engulfing his finger. He pumped it in slowly, carefully as he continued to suck on the loose rim.
“That’s not enough,” Tony panted out, arching wantonly as he pushed himself further on Steve’s face. “Need more. Need you inside,” he begged.
Steve pulled back reluctantly, wiping at his face as he spoke. “Don’t have anything.”
He caught sight of Tony’s entrance and bit down a needy groan. Tony’s entrance was flushed and red, glossy and wet with saliva as it tensed hungrily around nothing. It made Steve’s cock ache heavy between his legs with envy, the heat pooling in his stomach drawing him to spread Tony further and curse their lack of forethought.
“I can take it,” Tony said, stretching out and pushing into Steve’s hands.
Steve squeezed tighter around the globes of Tony’s ass, fighting the need to bury himself inside. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“I can take it,” Tony insisted. “Your mouth, it’s enough. Please,” he begged, gasping as Steve returned to tonguing him open.
He would make sure Tony was stretching open enough on his fingers before he even attempted anything larger. He worked his way up to three fingers when Tony let out a frustrated curse and said, “Steve, please, I can’t wait any longer.”
Steve nodded, working his cock before he pressed the blunt head against Tony’s entrance. It slid in a little rougher than Steve was used to and he clutched Tony’s chest with a hushed, “Are you alright?”
Tony nodded eagerly, entwining their fingers. “Yes, yes, go slow.”
Steve agreed, pushing in deeper at an agonizingly slow pace as he slowly filled him. Tony’s breath quickened, welcoming Steve in until he bottomed out and Tony clamped down on him hard. Steve feared he’d hurt him, squeezing his fingers in concern before the crown of Tony’s head knocked into Steve’s chin and he cried out in pleasure.
Reaching around, Steve gripped Tony’s cock, feeling it jerk hard, spurting more come on Tony’s chest. Groaning, Steve rocked against him gently as his cock pulsed hard, buried inside of him. He started to pull out, earning a mournful sigh from Tony’s lips.
He gripped Steve’s hand, his voice hushed, “No, no, I want you to.” He pushed back, urging Steve to continue. The friction was nearly too much, drawing Steve’s head back in pleasure as he pushed in slowly. Tony panted, holding on tight as Steve rolled his hips forward. It only took a few strokes before he found himself pumping Tony full of come, making the slide a little easier as he withdrew.
Tony gasped, a low moan escaping as he pulled free. Once more, Steve dropped down into the now lukewarm water. Up close, he got a better look at Tony’s well used entrance, the slick drawing his mouth to it. Tony keened, holding tight to the edge of the tub as Steve went to work once more.
“Steve,” he whined, choking on a moan as he shuddered in Steve’s gasp. “God, I can’t – I can’t,” he called out, clamping down as Steve laved over his swollen rim. Steve buried his face between his cheeks and brought him off until Tony had nothing left to give.
Tony leaned against him on the walk back to their room. He moved on unsteady legs, nearly half asleep as Steve locked up behind them and pushed him towards their quarters. He’d pushed Tony inside when he heard a lock click. Looking over, Steve saw Gabe watching them, his eyes guarded.
Steve looked from the closed door to his room, his own bathrobe and back to Gabe, his heart in his throat. A beat passed in which Steve felt his shoulders tense, wary of the inevitable confrontation. Gabe pursed his lips, eyes cutting down the hall and back to Steve.
“Jones – Gabe ,” Steve corrected, his heart pounding. “I know what this looks like.”
“You know what it looks like?” Gabe asked skeptically. He moved in closer, looking down the hall once more. “You know what it looks like? How dumb do you think I am, Cap?”
Gabe’s gaze was firm, his face grave and Steve felt something in him shatter. Steve’s insides twisted, averting his eyes as he fought to find his voice once more. “He’s the only,” his voice broke. His eyes warmed, “He’s the only thing I have. Please.”
Gabe’s eyes widened instantly and he stepped back, holding out a hand. “Cap – Steve, I’m not – I’m not going to tell anyone.” Steve looked to him in question. “I would never do that. I know the way the brass thinks and I wouldn’t put you through that.”
Steve nodded gratefully. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me,” Gabe said, stepping back further. “I was just headed to the commissary. Anyone could have seen. You need to be more careful.”
He started down the hall, shaking his head. Steve watched him, calling out “Goodnight.” The small wave he got lessened some of the tightness in his chest.
He turned back to his door and entered to find Tony lying on the bed naked, having decided to forego pajamas. Steve locked the door, pulled off his robe and climbed in behind him. Tony stirred, turning over to peek at him.
“Did you lose something in the hall?” he asked drowsily.
Steve smiled, wrapping his arms around Tony and kissing his shoulder. “Yeah, but I found it. Don’t worry.” He pet Tony’s stomach with a sigh. “Let’s get some sleep.”
+
They built the plane in record time.
Tony woke Steve around three in the morning to show him and his excitement was contagious. Clad in another one of Steve’s stolen sweatshirts (because Tony would never own such a thing) and a pair of trousers, Tony yanked on his wrists until Steve slid out of bed.
Laughing, Steve pulled on a shirt and shoes, calling out, “Okay, okay. I’m comin’.”
Tony pulled him down the hall to the hangar, his excited cheers echoing in the halls. After realizing he’d put things with Steve on the backburner for a while, Tony had made more of an effort to spend time with Steve. That meant working on calculations with his head in Steve’s lap while he carded his fingers through Tony’s hair or inviting Steve to come work in his sketchbook while Tony got his hands dirty building the plane.
It had been nice to spend more time with Tony, seeing that passionate light return to his eyes. He’d been happy on stage but it was here that Steve saw glimpses of the man he’d fallen in love with. It was here that he saw those quiet nights sharing popcorn in the lab while Tony tried and failed to keep from blowing things up. Admittedly, a large part of Steve’s enjoyment had been getting to watch Tony’s arms flex in the thin t-shirts he was fond of wearing while he worked. Even better was getting to strip those off of Tony when it was time to lead him into the shower.
Now, he watched Tony spread his arms before the large plane, a prideful grin on his face. It warmed Steve’s heart and he couldn’t keep from drawing Tony into his arms.
He kissed Tony, feeling him smile against his lips. Tony pulled back, holding Steve by the back of his neck. “I can’t believe this is real,” he breathed in awe. He pulled back, gazing up at Steve with joy. “They actually built something I made, Steve.”
“I know,” Steve replied. “I’m so proud of you.”
Tony gazed at him, his eyes taking in every inch of Steve’s face. “I love you,” he whispered. He pulled Steve into a kiss, the taste of salt on his tongue before Tony pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you so much.”
He knocked the air of Steve momentarily. He hugged back with a breathy laugh, asking, “I love you, too but, mind if I question the enthusiasm?”
“The only people that were ever proud of me are dead or miles away from here going on their own adventures. I used to think, if I could just make something good enough, my father would realize how wrong he was.” Steve’s stomach tightened as Tony pulled back to look him in the eye. “But I don’t care what he thinks. I care what you think.”
Steve frowned, touching his cheek with his thumb. “Tony, I’ve always been proud of you.”
“I know but… it’s different now.” He turned to look at the plane once more. “I know you weren’t exactly thrilled about me deciding to stay here.”
Steve sighed, coming to stand beside him. “No, I wasn’t.”
Tony glanced at him curiously, “You want me to be happy. This makes me happy, Steve. Building things, using my hands, inventing things.” He returned to the plane, his words quieter. “And you here. With me. That’s what I want.”
Steve turned to him in question, “Really?”
“Really.”
“No more travelling the world, no more dancing or meeting new people. Just me in a small room with powdered eggs and tiny shower stalls.”
Tony rolled his eyes and tugged Steve into his arms. He stood on his toes and kissed Steve’s nose. He pulled back to whisper, “Just you. That’s what I want. More than anything.”
Steve’s throat tightened, scanning Tony’s face for any sign Tony was just lying to appease him. Finally, he rested his head against Tony’s, murmuring, “I can give you that.”
Tony laughed, cupping Steve’s face. “You can, can you?”
“I think so,” he said.
“I think you can take me dancing, too,” Tony added with a grin. Steve groaned and he laughed louder, “You can, Captain Handsome.”
Steve shook his head fondly. “We’ll talk after your last show.” He pulled back reluctantly and pointed Tony towards the door. “We should get some sleep. You’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”
+
The final dash of kohl lined his eyes. Tony picked up Maria’s lipstick, the tube still in pristine condition. He’d never used it after that first time. The scar from Howard’s ring was enough of a reminder that it had come at a cost. Still, it seemed fitting to wear it tonight. Once applied, he looked in the mirror and studied the face staring back at him.
His hair was longer now; falling just past his shoulders. His face was fuller, more life behind his eyes. His lips were full, a clever red smile grinning back at him. Lined in black, his eyes stood out bright and deep brown. He looked more like his mother now than ever before. Gazing at himself in the mirror, he wondered if she would have been proud to know the man he’d become.
Would she be happy he’d found a life of his own? However unorthodox it may be. Would she be happy he’d been loved? Especially considering who was involved. Or would she be ashamed of him as Howard had been?
He liked to think she would have been pleased. That she would have gathered him in her arms and asked him of his stories travelling the world entertaining others with his dancing, a skill she’d never quite honed herself. He liked to think she would have loved Steve. That they would have gotten along quite well and she would have drunk coffee with him and discussed their plans for peace. He liked to think she would have been ashamed of Howard and not her son.
But she’d married him. Had she known? Or had she been blind to it?
Now, he set the tube aside and stood from the vanity, sliding the zipper up as best he could on his own. He left the room, a grateful smile for Margot as she did it up the rest of the way.
“Ready, baby doll?” she asked and he playfully knocked his head against hers.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
At the intermission, Tony had scanned the crowd but there was no sign of Steve. He’d sighed to himself, drinking his cup of water as he thought about the odd duck. He’d probably gotten a spot in the back, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Enough successful missions and it was hard for him to go out without being recognized at times. He’d probably come in late for that purpose, as well.
Midway through the second part, the double doors opened at the back and a woman rushed in. Tony was front and center, moving along to the song when he stopped in place, Margot nearly sliding into him. He recognized that woman.
Peggy.
The harried look on her face made his heart beat faster. He moved toward her, almost as if in a daze. Margot moved into position, glancing at him with a worried expression as he climbed down from the stage and met Peggy at the foot. Her brown eyes were wide with trepidation as she handed him something.
He stared at her confusedly, averting his eyes as she closed her hands around his. There was a radio in his hand and he looked to her once more before moving through to the hallway. He moved a ways down, the music muffled through the walls as he pressed the button to talk.
“Hello?”
Silence. A crackle and then a relieved voice sounded, “Tony?
Steve.
Tony held the radio tightly in hand before he held it up to his mouth once more, “You’re running a little late, handsome.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Tell me you’re on your way?”
“I wish I could, sweetheart,” Steve replied. “I really wish I could.”
Tony’s eyes warmed, his heart pounding as he covered his mouth for a minute. When he spoke, his voice was deceptively soft. “Well, you’ll have to make it up to me. Flowers, I think. That’s how this usually goes.”
Steve huffed out a laugh, his voice thin as he replied, “The call came. I was on my way but it was Schmidt. I had to go.” A crackle and the sound of rushing wind. “This thing – I don’t know what it is but it’s headed straight for New York.”
Tony’s throat tightened, a dull ache in his chest. He grasped for something, anything to say. “So - so, tell me what it looks like. I can help you disarm it.”
“I can’t. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen and I don’t have the time. It’s moving so fast.” More sound of rushing wind as Tony’s eyes welled up and Steve’s strangled voice returned, “I’ve got to put in the water.”
“Steve,” Tony called out, his eyes spilling over. “Steve, tell me where you are. I’ll come find you.”
“There’s nothing here between me and New York. Just a lot of open water. I can put it down here and no one will get hurt.” Tony stifled a wounded sound, his arm covering his stomach as he curled over in pain. “Tony, I knew the deal when I signed. This is my choice.”
The sound fuzzed out and Tony’s hand tightened painfully around the radio, holding it closer to his ear. “… all the people I met, you’re the only one that made me want to take it back. But if it’s a choice between being selfish and saving your life, I’ll choose you every time.”
“Steve, please come back,” he whispered.
“I can’t turn around. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, you can. I built that plane. You can turn around and come home,” he pleaded, watching Peggy turn away and cover her mouth.
“I wish I could. Please believe that.” A pause, then Steve’s voice sounded much closer than before. “I wasted so much time being afraid to tell you how I felt. That night we met, that day in the lab, that night when you told me you wanted to come back… I could have told you then but I was too afraid. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. These past two months with you were the happiest I’d ever been and I know that’s because of you. Because you loved me.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear. I wish I’d been good enough to stop Schmidt before this, before Bucky. But I can stop him now and I can keep you safe. I know you’ve said you want to stay, to give up the show and I understand now but please do one thing for me: don’t hide yourself away. People should know who you are. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re beautiful and brilliant and there’s such a light in you that’s… it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. When they see that,” the speaker crackled and fuzzed a few times. “When they see that, they’re going to love you. Just like I did.”
The channel fuzzed and crackled a few more times before dropping out completely. “Steve,” Tony tried, holding it tighter to his ear. He heard only static in response. “Steve! Steve, please.”
He curled over, his throat aching as Peggy took the radio and wrapped her arms around him as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. Mascara burned his eyes as his chest heaved and he let out a broken cry.
Peggy held him up, holding him tight as the sounds of applause sounded around them.
Running a hand over his head, he stiffened momentarily, struck with the memory of Steve’s fingers carding through his hair. He tugged his hand away, a knot in his throat. He’d been here since the – since he refused to return to their quarters. The idea of being surrounded by Steve’s things, his scent, seeing his boots lined up at the door and the change from his pants pockets on the dresser was too much to bear. Tony slept in the lab now. He kept the doors locked with a sign requesting that all deliveries be left outside. No contact with anyone. Enough that he could almost forget. Enough that he could almost pretend Steve was only out on a long mission.
Returning to his work, he'd thought this idea a little too risky at one point. He’d run the numbers and spent literal weeks on this and the risk hadn’t changed. He simply no longer cared about the danger. He’d studied all he needed to know, gathered intel from professors around the country. The stress of the G forces and his weak-
“Anthony?”
He stiffened, sobering instantly. Bracing himself, he turned slowly towards the sound of expensive dress shoes shuffling across the lab floor.
Jarvis stood before him, his face twisted in concern. It had been two weeks since the funeral and Jarvis had been in California with Ana at the time. Tony had missed him terribly but hadn’t had the heart to call. Now, seeing him, he knew why.
Jarvis took one look at Tony, his disheveled state and the half empty bottle on the table. Tony had expected judgement, disappointment, shame . Instead, Jarvis’s mouth twisted and he crossed the space between them, reaching out to pull Tony into an embrace.
“Oh, my boy. I’m so sorry. I came as soon as I could,” he began, startled as Tony pulled back.
Swallowing thickly, Tony rasped out, “I didn’t need them to call you.”
“You didn’t have to ask,” Jarvis said pointedly. “You’re my boy. You’ve lost someone important to you. Of course, I came.”
Tony shook his head, biting his lip for a moment. Then he averted his eyes. “I’m fine.”
Jarvis chose his words carefully, “They told me no one had seen you since the memorial. They told me you locked yourself away in here.” He reached for Tony’s shoulder, tensing when Tony pulled back once more. “I can only guess that’s because you didn’t want any comfort.”
Tony crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes warm. “Because you think it’s your fault,” Jarvis concluded.
A tear rolled down Tony’s cheek and he wiped it away frustratedly. “Well, it is, isn’t it?” He looked to Jarvis, his voice hoarse. “Everyone I know, everyone I care about is gone.”
Jarvis’ face twisted in pain but he kept his distance. “Mom, Nancy, Steve,” his voice broke. “You’re barely here and I get that. You have your life in California.”
“Anthony,” Jarvis began.
“He told me he was doing this for me,” he confessed.
“He didn’t blame you.” He shook his head, “It may be hard for you to understand but he loved you very much. I’d never seen anything like it.” He gestured to the lab, the bottle on the table. “He wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”
“Well, he’s not here is he?” Tony turned away from him, his words nearly too soft for Jarvis to hear. “I feel like a part of me is missing. No one ever looked at me the way he did, Jarvis. Like I was something worth looking at. And I called him all manner of things: foolish, naïve… I thought he was just hung up on the first person that was… like him.”
He froze, realizing he was admitting more to Jarvis than he’d ever intended to. By the sound of it, Jarvis already knew. He’d known for quite some time. “But he wasn’t. He loved me, Jarvis. He loved me.Can you believe that?” His chin trembled, his face crumpled as he bit out, “Is there something wrong with me?”
Jarvis’ face fell as Tony continued. “Is there some reason I never get to keep them?”
Jarvis reached out and Tony pushed against him, letting out a strangled sound. Jarvis was resolute, wrapping his arms around Tony and holding him tight. Tony shuddered, his breath quickening until it came out in near silent sobs, his knees going weak as Jarvis held him close. He stroked Tony’s back, murmuring soft words in his ear as Tony finally let himself go.
“Do you think he was scared?” he asked, his cheek pressed to Jarvis’ damp shoulder. “He was all alone on that plane. He didn’t sound it but… I keep wondering if he was scared,” he whispered brokenly.
Jarvis shushed him, running a hand over Tony’s head and feeling him shiver. “It’s going to be okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it will. You’ll get through this. You’re my boy. My brave boy.” Tony held him tight, his breathing quieting. “How can I help?”
Tony was still for a moment before he wiped at his face and picked up a pair of shears. He handed them to Jarvis and took them with a doubtful expression.
“Are you sure?”
+
Another week passed before Tony gathered the courage to return to their quarters.
The door swung open slowly, the scent of lemon in his nose. Jarvis , Tony mused. He must’ve come by and cleaned. Tony ran a hand over his short hair, still growing use to the feel of it. He entered the room slowly, his heart in his throat.
Everything was exactly the same.
Steve’s jacket draped across the back of the chair. His brush on the counter by the sink because Tony had been taken too long in the bathroom. A glass on the counter where he’d rinsed out his toothpaste. The bed was still rumpled, the sight of it making Tony’s insides twist. He moved through slowly, trailing his fingers over the furniture.
He couldn’t leave the room like this for long. For one, the base was low on space and someone else could reside here. For two, he didn’t want someone else going through Steve’s things.
It took hours as he set aside what Steve would want donated and the things he couldn’t give up. He set Steve’s sketchbooks aside; it felt like a violation to go through them. He set aside his jackets, a few of his shirts and his pencils. He found a trunk and started loading it up with the things Tony wanted to keep.
He set one of the shirts inside when he noticed the trunk had a false bottom. Pulling it up, Tony found a bundled stack of letters with a ribbon tied around them. A smile broke out across his face as he traced the postmark on the first one. It wasn’t the first note Tony had ever sent but it was an early one. He remembered have to bribe the doorman of the hotel to send it by mail because Tony had missed the postman. The lip print he’d left on the back.
He set the stack aside and found what looked like Steve’s rejected comic strips. An old baseball. A creased picture of Steve with Bucky’s arm around his shoulder. Another picture of Steve when he’d been much smaller, standing in a line of men with that determined, stubborn scowl on his face. A warmth bloomed in his chest as he set the picture aside carefully. Below it, a picture of a blond woman with Steve’s mouth and his eyes. Buried beneath that, some sort of package wrapped in brown paper.
It had Tony’s name on it and he carefully pulled the paper off. A note card fell out onto the floor. Tony picked it up and took it and the package over to the bed. He sat down heavily, turning the card over.
“Tony, I knew you would find this before your birthday.” There was a small drawing of a tiny Tony glaring up at an impossibly tall Steve. It startled a tearful laugh out of Tony’s mouth as he turned to the first page.
It was a comic strip. A collection of them. Tony glanced through a few pages before the realization set in.
“Gosh, I’m terribly sorry.”
“See, that sound you just made, that’s laughter. If you read some of my old stuff, you could make that sound all the time.”
“I made them to make you laugh. I don’t care about anyone else,”
These weren’t random little strips, scraps of stories about the characters Steve created.
This was their story.
Tony turned the pages rapidly, his eyes welling up as he saw everything as Steve saw it: that night in Tony’s room, the day they’d almost kissed, the night they’d danced. He saw everything Steve kept hidden: his eagerness to see Tony again, his grief when he’d lost Bucky, his jealousy over Johnny.
Everything: every shy moment, every lie Tony had ever told him, every time they’d touched. Steve had poured himself into this book: every fear, every heartbreak, every hope he’d been too afraid to share. Every time he’d ever doubted himself. It was all here.
He flipped through page after page, his eyes wet as he skipped to the end. Here, the stories he didn’t know. The lives they hadn’t led.
Steve had drawn them in France, sipping coffee with the Eiffel Tower visible behind them. A lazy afternoon with Tony’s head settled in his lap. Matching bands on their hands, intertwined as they watched the sunset from a beach. A soft kiss in a loft in Brooklyn. He’d imagined them old and grey, watching the city from a balcony in New York.
All of these endings.
And none of them theirs.
fandom: MCU, Captain America: the First Avenger AU
warnings: child abuse, internalized homophobia, spoiler tag --> <canonical Cap:TFA ending>
pairing: Steve/Tony
Summary: Tony Stark spent his entire life in Howard's shadow. When the Star Spangled Singers visited the New York base to recruit for their upcoming USO tour, Tony got the chance of a lifetime.
1 | 2
Chapter Six
"You’re supposed to boil the water before you put the pasta in, Angie,” Peggy said chidingly as she turned the burner on. Angie flashed a sweet smile before she returned to the paper. “She’s insufferable,” Peggy muttered to Steve with a fond grin.
She came around the counter to peek at the paper over Angie’s shoulder. Her hand laid flat on the small of Angie’s back and Steve felt his stomach twist.
He’d seen a similar gesture before… when Johnny spoke to Tony. They were clearly closer than Steve realized.
“There’s a show in New York the same night we arrive. If we’re early, we could make it,” Peggy said, scanning the page.
However, Steve was lost in thought, thinking about the possessive way Johnny had palmed Tony’s lower back. The way he’d inclined his head towards Tony, leaning into his space with ease. The same way Steve used to.
It was more than a suspicion: Tony was comfortable with Johnny. He trusted him.
Angie snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Earth to Steve. You want to go?”
Steve shrugged, averting his gaze, “I’ve seen the show before.”
Angie shot Peggy a knowing look, “Steve, we weren’t born yesterday.”
She showed him the promo and Steve took a look at it. All the dancers were lined up, bright grins on their faces. Steve was still at a loss as to how Howard hadn’t realized his son was one of the dancers. It was probably for the best, he thought with a flash of anger. As far as he was concerned, it was best that Howard never saw Steve or Tony again.
“Go, Tony will be there,” Angie said encouragingly.
“And what if he is?” Steve asked sullenly, leaning back in his seat.
“Steve,” Peggy began, choosing her words carefully. Her eyes softened, her tone gentle, “It’s not unheard of these days.”
“It’s illegal,” he said quietly. “I’m not like you guys. Everyone assumes you’re both widows or waiting for the right man to come along. And I’m happy you’ve found each other. Honestly, I am. I’m more than glad.”
He let out a slow breath, leaning forward, “For me, especially Captain America, it’s unthinkable. I’m supposed to be a soldier; out there in the field or here planning my next mission. That’s my life now. What could I possibly give him?” he asked imploringly. “He likes being on stage.”
“He likes being seen,” Peggy said. “His father hid him away his whole life and he’s finally showing people who he is. It’s a phase. He’ll grow out of it.”
“Think he’ll grow out of Johnny?” Steve asked and Peggy’s eyes widened in surprise.
“The plot thickens,” Angie murmured.
“Johnny and Tony?” Peggy exclaimed. “No way.”
“I saw them.”
“You saw them?” Angie asked, a brow raised in interest and Steve’s mind was suddenly taken over by images of Tony and Johnny together.
“Not like that but they’re close. I think they’re together.”
“Poor Tony,” Peggy said with a frown. “Johnny’s gone through half the dancers. New city, new girl. Janice Marquette left because he broke her heart.”
Steve shook his head, “That’s disgraceful.”
“He’s young,” Peggy said by way of explanation. “Tony’s young, too. And he’s a smart boy. He’ll be okay.”
+++++
Johnny found Tony reading a letter on his stomach. He hopped up on the bed beside Tony and kissed his shoulder. Tony laughed out loud, his eyes crinkled at the edges as he read what looked like a comic strip.
“Another one?” Johnny asked, his tone light.
“Yeah,” Tony replied distractedly before holding it up for Johnny to read.
It was good. They all were. This was the fifth one Steve had sent and Johnny handed it back to Tony gently. He cleared his throat, watching Tony carefully tuck it away beside the others.
“Listen, Tony, I… I think we should stop.”
Tony rolled over, his leg propped up, revealing a tempting slice of bare thigh beneath his robe. Johnny swallowed and forced himself to look away. “What do you mean?” Tony asked with a frown.
“We had a fun run, didn’t we? Three months is longer than my time with anyone else. We’ll still be friends.”
“We’re friends now,” Tony said. He sat up, pressing a foot to Johnny’s shoulder. His toes were bright red and Johnny melted inside. “I thought we were just having fun. Why ruin that?”
“We’ve been exclusively having fun for the past three months.” Tony stilled, his eyes widening as Johnny’s jaw tensed. “You didn’t know that,” he assessed.
“No, I didn’t. I thought for sure, when we went out, you were picking up women. I’m sorry, Johnny.” He gave a small smile, “I haven’t seen anyone else, if that makes you feel better.”
Johnny nodded, but, by the looks of things, it wasn’t much of a comfort. “It’s harder now because you’re clearly in love with someone else.”
“I am?” Tony asked amusedly, “Pray tell who?”
“Tony,” Johnny said lowly, a wounded expression on his face. “This isn’t funny.”
“Johnny,” Tony repeated in the same tone. “I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else since we started this. I’d be really interested to hear about who’s got you so shaken up.”
Johnny gestured to the letter in Tony’s hands and Tony doesn’t understand at first. Then, “This again? I told you, he’s not interested.”
“He tried to kiss you!” Johnny exclaimed, his eyes bright and fierce.
So much like - Tony shook the thought away. “It was so long ago. I’m not sure what he tried to do. It was a mistake and I haven’t thought about it since,” he said, his voice reedy and thin.
Johnny shook his head as he sat up on his knees and moved away. Tony reached for his arm and Johnny waved him off, his words calm and measured as he looked Tony in the eye, “He draws you comic strips.”
“He used to work for a newspaper, Johnny,” Tony said with a small sliver of a smile. He pushed at Johnny’s shoulder teasingly with his foot until Johnny fell on his back. Tony climbed over him, his robe falling open. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Johnny held his gaze, his tongue swiping over his lips as he considered his next words. “Captain America takes time off from fighting a war to draw you comics,” he said quietly. “Now, if you say that doesn’t mean anything… then it doesn’t mean anything,” he finished roughly.
Tony gazed down at him in silence.
+++++
Halfway around the world, Steve hurried back to his room, tearing at the envelope in hand. He’d been with Dugan when the mail came. The moment he recognized the handwriting, he’d said a fairly distracted farewell and made a hasty retreat to his room.
“This was your best yet. Cheered me up when I needed it the most. How do you find the time? – Tony. P.S., tell Angie I met Ingrid Bergman and she is as pretty as the pictures but not as pretty as Angie. ”
Steve sat down on the end of his bed and wondered why Tony hadn’t added the post script to Peggy’s letter but, when he asked, she said she hadn’t received one.
+++++
Steve found time to shoot off a response after the latest meeting on Schmidt’s movements. These days, drawing small comics for Tony was the only respite Steve got from the war. It seemed that every time they got closer to Schmidt, he slipped through their fingers. If Steve didn’t know better, he’d wonder if the Red Skull had men inside the army.
He wanted nothing more to shut Schmidt down, to put Hydra down for good but he had to think logically. Most days, the only thing helping him keep it together were Tony’s letters. Even small, some just little scraps on the backs of magazine ads, they reminded Steve that there was someone out there that liked him just the way he was. He didn’t have to be strong and stern all the time; with Tony, he could tell bad jokes and draw himself as a dancing monkey. With Tony, he could pretend there was another life he could have.
One where there wasn’t a war outside and Bucky would be coming over any moment to make fun of him for some reason or another. One where he could curl up beside Tony on a couch and tell stories about their childhoods.
A life that didn’t exist for them.
This day, he unwrapped Tony’s latest note.
“Why did I need cheering up? A friend of mine reminded me of feelings I thought long gone. No need to worry. I spent my birthday chasing seagulls in California. Nancy knit you a scarf. She’s a married woman now and wanted to make something as a farewell gift. I had her make it blue and make it for you because I don’t do scarves and I know you hate the cold. – Tony. P.S., I got two tickets for the next show. One for you and one for Jarvis. Please tell him to come. ”
+++++
Things after Nancy were harder than ever.
Tony reserved his “I told you so” when she’d first announced that she was leaving the show to settle down with Henry. She’d been so happy, near glowing as she showed off the giant rock on her finger. Tony couldn’t have been happier for her, even as his chest tightened at the sight of it.
Margot was next to lead, having been at the show as long as Nancy. She made sure to find Tony and tell him that he’d have a permanent place in the show but it didn’t make things any easier.
A piece of his heart was leaving and he felt more alone than he’d ever felt before.
Nancy had pulled him close for an hour that night, before she’d announced it to the group. He breathed in the scent of her perfume, her breasts pressed against his chest as she squeezed him tight and whispered, “You better write me. I don’t care if I’m knee deep in baby vomit. I will hunt you down if you don’t write me.”
Tony held it in until her last show was over and then Johnny held him as he cried. Then he’d followed Tony back to his hotel room, fucked him and held him after, his face wet where it pressed against Tony’s shoulder. It didn’t make it hurt any less but it was nice to be with someone who understood and who allowed him to be sad for a while.
Then they’d climbed out of bed and resumed pretending there wasn’t a Captain America sized space between them.
Tony had no boyfriend. No best friend. No family. He had nothing. He was alone.
But he had a show.
He had a troupe and he’d be damned if he let his issues get in the way of that.
This night, he was waiting in the locker room, the roar of the crowd outside. He paced, his heels clicking on the tile as he tried to remember the words Nancy recited before every show. He pressed his hands to his eyes, straining to recall them when there was a knock on the door. He was sure it was Margot telling him it was time. He opened the door, starting to tell her he’d be out in a second when he saw Jarvis instead, his eyes wide and hopeful.
Tony’s heart beat fast, his mouth falling open in surprise. “What are you – I told you to meet me after,” he said sadly.
“And I chose to meet you now,” Jarvis said with a lift of his chin. His eyes softened, almost hesitant, “May I see?”
Tony froze, nerves getting the best of him but he nodded regardless. Pulling the door open, he stepped back and let Jarvis in. He took in Tony’s uniform, the hair, the lipstick. His eyes widened, his mouth a thin line as he studied every detail. Tony’s heart pounded in his chest and he chewed nervously on his lip as he waited.
Finally, Jarvis nodded, meeting Tony’s eyes. “It’ll do.”
His mouth curled into a proud grin and Tony rushed forward, pulling him into a hug. Jarvis squeezed him tight, his voice rough as he whispered, “I have missed you, my boy.”
Tony nodded, his eyes burning in the corners, “I missed you, too.”
He pulled back and Jarvis cupped his cheek. He thumbed away an errant tear and added, “I’ll see you after. Be great.” He hugged Tony one last time and left the room.
Steve was anxious, his leg bouncing as he waited for the curtains to go up. Tony had sounded sad in his last few letters, growing longer with each one as though he had more to say or he’d been saving his words for Steve. He’d hope it was the former but Tony sounded rather lonely these days.
The show went on and Tony appeared the same: a grand smile on his face as he moved. However, the dancer in the center had changed. Where there once stood a redhead, there was now a brunette and Steve realized what that meant.
“Oh, Tony,” he murmured, covering his mouth in concern. Jarvis turned to him curiously as Steve explained, “He was close with one of the dancers. I guess she left.”
The show ended and they moved backstage to find Tony. He was in the locker room, having changed out of his costume rather quickly. He greeted Jarvis with a smile and Steve with a hug.
“Nice to see you again, Steve,” he said politely. The girls passed behind them with cheerful waves for Steve and Jarvis. Johnny paid Steve no attention, nor Tony for that matter, as he passed. Steve looked to Tony who pointedly ignored it. “Dinner?”
“How’s… how is he?” Tony asked over dinner and Jarvis stiffened.
“He’s... your father,” Jarvis replied. He set his fork down, a line appearing between his brows as he thought over his next words. “He travels a lot. I think he misses you in his own way.” His jaw tensed as he spoke, “I understand why you left and I’m glad of it. Had I known how bad - how things got, I would have insisted.”
His hand shook as Tony took it in his own. He held Jarvis’ gaze sternly, though his words were soft, “Jarvis, it’s not your fault.” Jarvis shook his head, his eyes wet. “It’s not. You were the closest thing I had to a parent after mom and I owed you more than five paragraphs.”
Jarvis swallowed, trying to clear his throat, mouth pressed in a thin line as his chin began to tremble. He stood with a brief, “Excuse me for a moment” and left the table.
Tony watched him before turning to Steve, brown eyes wide in concern, “Is he okay?”
Steve looked to Tony, noting that he was still wearing eyeliner. “He works with Peggy a lot. Ana comes by the base sometimes. He has a life here. I think he’s happy. Happier now knowing that you’re okay.”
Tony frowned, staring at his food. “I’ve been thinking about coming back,” he said slowly, testing the words out. “Jarvis is getting older now and I’m not scared of my father anymore. I… I can do good here.”
Steve froze, his mouth going dry. “Tony, as much as I would love that, do you really think that’s best?”
Howard wasn’t here much as at all anymore and it served him right because, if Steve ever saw him again, he didn’t know what he’d do. Were Tony to come back, he’d be alone most of the time. Steve wasn’t at the base as often anymore now that things had kicked off in their search for Red Skull and Peggy had her own unit to run.
“I’d be helping the war effort. I thought you’d be proud of me,” Tony lamented and it gave Steve pause.
“Why would that matter?”
Tony averted his eyes, “It doesn’t.”
Steve took his hand before he remembered where they were. He let go carefully, noting the way Tony’s temple pulsed.
“You love this job. I’ve never seen you so happy and you’d give that up to come hide in a lab? Making weapons you hate. How does that make sense?”
Tony tapped his fingers along the tablecloth and Steve noticed for the first time that they were bright red. “This isn’t forever Steve. This war can’t go on forever, and believe me, I’ll be happy to see it end… but when it does, where will I be? I’ll have nothing. I have no money. No family. I’m alone.”
“You have family. You have Jarvis and Peggy. You have me.” He glanced around quickly and pulled Tony’s hand under the table, squeezing it tight. “You’re not alone. We’ll still be here when the tour is over.”
“It’s not the same.” He looked to Steve, his eyes wet. “I’m missing your lives.”
“There’s not much to miss,” Steve said lightly. “I go from city to city and lead missions. That’s it. I’m treading water waiting for the next lead. What’s there to see?”
Tony stared at him like Steve was the dumbest person he’d ever met.
Steve swallowed thickly, his heart rate ticking up as he gazed at Tony across the table. He was at a loss for words, hand tightening around Tony’s as the candlelight flickers in Tony’s warm brown eyes.
When Jarvis returned, Steve continued to hold Tony’s hand beneath the table.
+++++
Tony had a show the next night in Pittsburg and letting him go was the hardest thing Steve had done in quite some time.
He went to see Tony off at the train station, surrounded by happy couples kissing each other farewell. It pained him to just hold Tony’s hand but even that was risky. Jarvis held Tony for a while, his words too quiet for Steve to hear but when they parted, there were tears in Jarvis’ eyes.
“I’ll see you around, Rogers,” Tony said, releasing his hand.
Steve stepped forward; he’d almost forgot. “Wait,” he said, handing Tony an envelope.
“More strips?” Tony asked, taking it covetously, the corner of his mouth turned up. “For me? You should really publish them, you know?”
“I made them to make you laugh. I don’t care about anyone else,” he said softly. Tony’s breath caught and he studied Steve for a moment before he was rushing forward and pulling Steve into his arms.
“If you weren’t Captain America and we weren’t surrounded by people, I would kiss you right now,” he whispered, the words making Steve shiver in response.
He nodded, burying his face in Tony’s shoulder and holding him close. Then he stepped back, trying to focus past his wet lashes. He tried for a smile, “I know,” he replied.
Tony flashed a weak smile in return and boarded the train. Steve stayed on the platform until the train disappeared from view.
+++++
The letters helped some.
No matter if Steve was down in the trenches or attending meetings at the consulate, the letter let Steve know Tony was still out there. Gabe poked fun at him and the way he huddled down by himself when the post came.
“Cap’s got a war bride at home,” he teased and every time, Steve let it slide, though it felt like lying. Still, the guy’s making fun of him didn’t chill the warmth Steve felt whenever he received word from Tony.
A few months after he’d sent Tony off, he received the best news on a scrap of torn off newspaper.
“Winter break is coming. There’s supposed to be a bad snowstorm so we’re taking a two-week break. I’ll be in Georgia but I can take a train up to you, if there’s room for me. Say there’s room? – Tony. P.S., your last strip may have been your best yet. It pains me to know that you’ve peaked, Rogers.”
Two weeks, Steve thought reverently, a warmth igniting from within. Two whole weeks.
“Steve, you okay?” Gabe asked concernedly.
Steve looked to him in surprise and back at the letter, a smile breaking out across his face. “I’m great,” he replied.
After spending days in fear that he would miss his chance, seeing Tony in person was almost too much for him.
He fought the urge to race forward, a nervous fluttering in his stomach even as a part of him was very much aware of the Commandos approaching behind him. Steve moved measuredly forward and watched Tony bite down a knowing grin. As soon as Steve was close enough, he drew Tony in close, holding him tighter than could possibly be comfortable. He tried to loosen his hold but Tony only stepped in closer, a puff of warm air against Steve’s neck sending shivers down his spine.
“I missed you, you big dummy,” he murmured and Steve warmed even further.
He buried his nose in Tony’s hair, breathing in the scent of his perfume and lavender. “I missed you, too. I’m sorry I wasted three days.”
“You can’t change the weather, Cap,” he said with a soft laugh. “Not unless you’ve developed some new abilities,” he added slyly.
The words sent a spark of arousal through Steve’s blood and he bit down a comment as the squad moved in closer. Clearing his throat, he introduced them, “Guys, this is Tony. Tony, these are the guys.”
Tony waved at them with a bright smile, his eyes crinkled in the corners. “The Howling Commandos. I’ve never met living legends before.”
Steve huffed out a laugh as they all lined up to shake Tony’s hand. “Still haven’t,” Dugan remarked as he passed. A black man brought up the rear, taking in the exchange with interest.
“Nicholas Fury,” he declared. “I’ve met your father,” he added before Steve could stop him.
The light in Tony’s eyes dimmed a little but he shook Fury’s hand all the same. “My apologies.”
Steve braced himself but, to his surprise, Fury laughed. “I like this one.”
He and the others left them outside alone to drag their luggage inside. Steve looked to Tony, his excitement starting to win out as he thought about the upcoming week. Nine days spent in Tony’s company. Even better, Steve was on break for the moment so Tony would have his undivided attention.
As if he didn’t already, his mind supplied.
He shoved the thought away and pulled Tony into another hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
+++++
Steve was a strange one, Tony noted with a fondness.
He was used to men not knowing how to behave around him when he was in costume. When he pulled his hair back and went out in his normal clothes, men reacted one of two ways: confusedly smitten or completely avoidant. It was safe to say Steve’s behavior fell into the former and oh, what an awkward duck he was.
Tony had watched as Steve graciously took Tony’s suitcase and carried it back to his own quarters where he opened the door for Tony, as well. He pulled out a chair at the dinette for Tony and set the suitcase by the door. Then he’d busied himself opening and closing cabinet doors, searching high and low for a mug and the tea before putting the kettle on. All before he turned to Tony and asked if he would like some tea.
Tony hid a smile behind his hand and nodded, watching Steve’s shoulders sag in relief. He continued his nervous bustling and Tony watched him avidly.
It was hard to believe he was actually here.
Even with Steve’s letters and the way he’d been so welcoming and kind the last time, Tony still didn’t quite believe Steve enjoyed his company. Spending so much time apart had made it rather easy to pretend he’d imagined their interactions meant more than they actually did. It left enough time for him to convince himself that Steve drew him comics because he was bored and it was a nice thing to do for the lonely guy he used to know. Enough time to pretend that night Steve had tried to kiss him had been skewed in his mind.
Because if he had tried to kiss Tony, that meant he was attracted to Tony. That he was… different the same way Tony was. And if that was true, Steve would be this nervous and unsure of himself because he wanted to impress Tony.
Because he liked him.
Steve set down a mug of tea and sat down beside Tony, wiping his hands anxiously on his slacks. Tony blinked at him, taking the mug and asking, “You didn’t make any for yourself?” A light dusting of red bloomed across Steve’s nose and he shook his head quizzically. “Should I be concerned? You’re not trying to poison me, are you?”
Steve’s mouth fell open before he started stammering, “No! No, of course not. I – I just-“
Tony reached over and touched Steve’s wrist, “Relax, super soldier. I’m just kidding.” He sipped his tea and set it down with a smile. “I trust you.”
Steve’s eyes softened and he returned the smile. “I’m just… really happy you’re here.”
“Me too,” Tony admitted. He looked around the room, taking in the meager décor and the bed in the corner. He could be nice and not comment on it but it was so much fun seeing Steve sweat. He looked to Steve and jerked his head towards the bed, “One bed? Quite presumptuous, don’t you think?”
Steve’s eyes widened, “No, I just – I have blankets to make up the couch. I would never presume-“
Tony laughed, covering Steve’s mouth with his hand. “Joking, again. It’s fine.”
He pulled his hand down as Steve replied, “Honest, I can sleep on the couch.”
“You’re the big man on campus,” Tony said teasingly. “Who am I to commandeer your bed?”
He traced his finger around the rim of his mug, an excited glint in his eye as he spoke, “We have nine whole days to ourselves. What do you want to do?”
+++++
Steve took Tony to the cinema.
It was his first real outing since becoming Captain America and he’d borrowed from Gabe and Dugan’s wardrobes. He’d wanted to look nice so he’d bought the jacket with his own money. He’d checked himself over three times in the mirror and still felt self-conscious about the slacks that were a little too short. Afterwards, he’d watched Tony pull his hair back once more, his nails a soft pink as he got ready.
Steve pushed past the butterflies in his stomach and picked up Tony’s coat, watching Tony smile kindly as Steve helped him into it.
The cinema was rather close to the base so they walked, the crunch of snow beneath their feet. It was so quiet outside. Steve’s shoulder frequently brushed against Tony’s as they walked and it brought a small smile to Steve’s face. Throughout the journey, they caught up with each other on the very few things they’d kept out of their letters, such as the search for the Red Skull and Tony’s food discoveries.
When they reached the theater, Steve strode confidently up to the ticketmaster. “Two tickets for Only Angels Have Wings, please.” The ticketmaster handed them over and Steve opened the door for Tony to steer him in.
The movie was good.
Or Tony assumed it was. He’d paid very little attention to half of it. Thirty minutes in, Steve rested his hand on the armrest between them and Tony felt a strange rush of adrenaline. He didn’t understand it: he’d done much more than hold Johnny’s hand and he’d never felt like this. His heart beating fast in his chest, a nervous fluttering in his stomach.
It had taken another five minutes for Steve to muster the courage to turn his palm upward and another three for Tony to gather the nerve to place his hand on top. His heart skipped a beat, sparks travelling from his fingertips throughout the rest of his body as Steve laced their fingers together and held tight.
They weren’t quite alone in the theater: there was an older couple in the very back and a young woman with her daughter a few rows in front of them. Should they be seen, it might become a problem but in the dark, Tony felt safe holding fast to Steve’s hand. He watched as Steve swallowed, steadfastly focused on the screen even as he squeezed Tony’s hand tight in his own.
Tony smiled and settled in the watch the rest of the film.
Afterwards, Steve bought him a coffee and they walked back to base. Tony was sure, without question, that this was the nicest night he had ever had.
And he was hesitant to let it end.
He stood behind Steve as he unlocked the door to their quarters, heart in his throat. Tony sat down on the bed and watched Steve shuffle around in the dim lighting. Steve was a big man. Tony had always known that but it was even more apparent now as Tony watched his dress shirt pulling tight across his large biceps as he folded his jacket and lay it down. His hair had fallen slightly out of place, dropping into his eyes before he pushed it back.
Then he set about clearing what little clutter remained around his quarter and Tony felt his heart swell ridiculously in his chest. He cleared his throat, “This was nice, wasn’t it?”
Steve paused in his nervous flurry and turned to face Tony, “It was. Thank you.”
“What for? You paid for everything,” Tony said with a soft smile. “I’ve been here a few hours and you’re already spoiling me.”
Steve set down his sketchbook and moved in closer, “You deserve it.”
Tony cocked his head to the side, gazing up at him curiously. The words escape before he can push it down, “You really believe that.” Steve’s eyes widened ever so slightly as Tony’s face warmed and he explained, “It’s just… sometimes I don’t understand the way you look at me.”
Steve’s face shuttered and he averted his eyes, “I don’t understand it either.”
Tony’s stomach twisted with nerves and a bit of confusion as he continued, “It’s not unpleasant.” Steve stiffened and Tony felt compelled to insist, “It isn’t. It’s nice.” Steve looked to him, clearly hesitant. “You’ve always been the nicest man I’ve ever met. And I’m grateful to have you in my life.”
“You are?” Steve asked, gazing at Tony wondrously.
“I am,” Tony said and then he reached out, “C’mere.” Steve swallowed before he complied, letting Tony draw him into his arms. “I bet you last three days before you’re begging me to leave.”
Steve laughed softly, stroking his back. “I’ll take that action.” He pulled back, a dusting of red across his nose, “About what I said earlier, I really can sleep on the couch. It’ll suit me just fine.”
“The great Captain America sleeping on the couch?” Tony scoffed, shaking his head adamantly. “I’m not that much of a diva. We can share.” His fingers touched the top button on his shirt, the corner of his mouth turned up as Steve’s blush deepened. “If that’s okay with you?”
+++++
The next day, it stormed.
Freezing rain trapped everyone inside and Steve had lamented the loss of a day they could have spent out in the city. Then Tony showed him the joy of a day spent lazing about in bed.
It was a tight fit; a queen-sized bed wasn’t quite large enough for Steve on his own and with Tony, every movement, every breath led to brushing against the other’s skin. Every touch sent a brushfire through Steve’s blood and as concerned was he was that he wouldn’t be able to avoid embarrassing himself, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He stayed, eyes caught on the microexpressions on Tony’s face as he spoke.
“This one time, I begged Jarvis to take me sailing,” he began, he workings of a smile in the corner of his mouth. “I mean puppy dog eyes and ‘if you take me, I’ll do all your chores’ begging. And he finally broke down and told me he couldn’t take me because he didn’t know how to sail,” he whispered, eyes cutting to Steve like he was sharing a secret. “But he’d told Ana about it; he’d felt so guilty, and she knew how. So, we went out on the lake together. It was nice.”
He smiled wistfully, “We felt like a real family,” he finished quietly. Steve swallowed past the knot in his throat and took up Tony’s hand in his own. Tony turned his cheek to the pillow, gazing at Steve in the dim light. “What about you?”
Steve licked his lips, struggling to focus on anything other than Tony’s face. “What about me?”
“What were your parents like?”
Steve blinked, averting his gaze briefly before answering, “I mentioned before, my father wasn’t a good man.” He kept his voice steady, remembering slamming doors and broken glass. “He was a lot like yours, I suspect.” Tony squeezed his hand, his brow furrowing in concern. “He died when I was young. But my mother was wonderful.”
Tony smiled, settling in closer as Steve continued, “She was a wonderful baker. She made our bread and, when we had enough to spare, cakes and pastries. She could make just about anything out of seven dollar’s worth of groceries. We spent all our time together. She was my best friend,” he finished roughly. It had been a while since he’d spoken about his mother.
“When did you lose her?” Tony asked somberly and Steve replied, “When I was eighteen. She was sick for a while before that.”
Tony nodded understandingly, “I’m sorry.” He pulled Steve’s hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it.
“What about your mother?” Steve asked. “You mention her from time to time but not a lot.”
“I lost her when I was young. A car accident. She was,” he chose his words carefully, “Nothing like me.”
It gave Steve pause and he waited, squeezing Tony’s hand to offer him strength. “She was kind. And beautiful,” he added wondrously. “She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. She was smart. Not quite a scientist but she understood the world, she understood people in a way I could never fathom. She was caring. And a firecracker if there ever was one. Peggy reminds me a lot of her.”
When he finished, he realized Steve was studying him quietly. “What is it?” he asked shyly.
“She sounds wonderful. But I don’t believe you,” he added solidly. At Tony’s confusion, he explained, “I don’t believe that you’re nothing like her.” At Tony’s intake of breath, he went on, “You are kind. And very caring. And I don’t have to tell you that you’re smart.”
Tony smiled, loosening his hold on Steve’s hand and playing with it, tracing his fingers along the inside of Steve’s palm. It made him feel overwarm, the nervous fluttering in his stomach returning as Tony continued his ministrations. “I do have to tell you that you’re beautiful,” Steve stated, earning a quiet stare. “You never seem to believe me. I think you spent so long believing one thing about yourself, that even now, even having spent over a year being told the opposite, you can’t quite believe it. And I understand that. You call me gorgeous and beautiful and handsome and I grin and bear it when deep down, I still think of myself as the scrawny little guy no one looked twice at.”
He averted his eyes to their hands, watching Tony’s smaller one draw words inside Steve’s palm. His stomach tightened, “Truth is… the truth is,” he caught Tony’s eye once more, “if I don’t get to see the end of this war, if I don’t make it, it was worth it just to meet someone like you.”
Tony froze, his hand hovering over Steve’s. “Steve,” he rasped. “Don’t talk like that.”
“I just wanted you to know,” Steve replied. He offered a sad smile, “We can talk about something less bleak.”
Tony thought for a moment, turning his head to look up at the ceiling. “Can you… whistle?” he asked, pulling Steve’s hand in front of him. As he spoke, he traced the length of Steve’s fingers with his index finger. “I can’t. Jarvis took me a baseball game once and I felt like the dumbest kid on the planet,” he began.
Tony was dozing, his cheek resting on Steve’s chest.
It was a wonder he’d managed to fall asleep because Steve was sure his heart was beating loud enough for the entire base to hear. He’d been telling Tony about the time they’d been spooked out in France and Steve had had to fight Hydra soldiers in his briefs. He’d been halfway done when Tony’s head slumped against his chest and Steve paused mid-sentence.
Perhaps he should take offense to it but it was just nice to lie there with Tony. He’d curled his arm around him and just enjoyed everything slowing down for a moment. He'd never thought he'd grow used to the stillness; the calm before the storm. There was a war going on outside their doors and he remembered when these small respites were the worst thing int he world to him. The idea of just treading water, just pacing and waiting for the next strike had been torture. Knowing the Red Skull was still out there and Bucky's death continued to go unavenged.
But with Tony... it was nice.
Steve didn’t think he’d ever be able to let go of this feeling of just holding Tony; breathing him in and knowing with absolute certainty that he was okay. Not only safe but... happy. Steve, of all people, had made him happy. It may not be much: here in Steve's small quarters with the peeling wallpaper and too thin blankets, but Tony seemed content here with him. Certainly content enough to fall asleep in Steve's arms. And with Tony, Steve didn’t feel like an outsider and he never felt like he had to hide who he was.
He was carding his fingers through Tony’s hair, the bulk of it having slipped from its tie, when there’s the sound of mail sliding across the floor. He decided to wait until Tony was awake to gather it when Tony sat up and ran a hand over his head. Hovering over Steve’s chest, his hair curtaining his face, he was more beautiful a sight than Steve had ever seen. He wanted to kiss him, to cup Tony’s face and slide his thumb over the sensitive spot behind Tony’s ear and draw him in.
But he remembered the last time he’d lost himself in that urge and he didn’t want to chase Tony away again.
Tony sat up further as Steve blushed, blinking up at him, “I thought you were asleep.”
Tony shrugged, standing and stretching his arms above his head. “No, just feeling lazy. And it was nice.” He flashed Steve a smile, “The life of a dancer. When I’m not rehearsing or performing, I’m sleeping.” He moved over to the stack and climbed back on the bed.
Steve sorted through it quickly, setting aside the correspondence that would have to be dealt with as soon as his break was over. One of the envelopes was addressed to Tony and he handed it over curiously. Tony took it and instantly brightened, leaning back against Steve’s chest. Steve face warmed as he settled and watched Tony open it.
“A letter from Nancy,” he explained happily, pulling out the pages.
“Dear Tony, you’re being an idiot for spending your break with Blondie,” Steve said and Tony smacked his thigh. “She never liked me.”
“She had no feelings about you whatsoever,” Tony replied. “She never really got to know you. Her loss.”
Steve hummed and returned to the stack of letters. He found one particularly curious and opened it. “Oh no,” he groaned, reading through Peggy’s note.
Tony looked up, “What is it?”
“There’s a gala next month. I’m being honored,” he handed the card over.
“I fail to see how that’s a bad thing.” Steve stared at him and Tony smiled, realization setting in. “Right, Captain Rhythmically Challenged.”
Steve tugged playfully on his hair in response. “I’ll just stay by the concessions.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Tony insisted. He pulled back, his eyes bright and excited.
Steve had a bad feeling about this.
“Let’s go dancing tonight!”
Steve gaped at him, “Tony, how-“
Tony sat up, straightening his hair with a clever smirk. It fell in soft waves around his chin, longer now than it had been a year ago. “There’s a place not far from here. Let me get ready.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“And that is precisely why I’m the brains in this operation,” Tony replied, staring at Steve challengingly. Steve had never been great at resisting that look.
“Okay,” he gave in and he couldn’t push down the joy he felt at seeing Tony’s eyes crinkle in response. “An hour and then we come right back.”
Tony nodded, a faux serious expression on his face. “Oh, of course, my good Captain.” He leaned in and kissed Steve’s cheek teasingly. Even so, it left Steve even more flustered as he watched Tony climb off the bed. “Whatever you say, darling.”
Chapter Eight
Gabe grinned at him, “Where ya going, Cap? You never leave the roost,” he said jovially.
“Uh, out… to a club,” he answered awkwardly. Gabe’s eyebrows rose as Morita poked his head out of his room.
“Sounds fun. Can we join?”
Steve started to reply when Dugan strolled over, “Guys, maybe he had a date and we’re crashing it.” He tossed a bath towel over his shoulder and grinned, “You meeting your war bride at this club?”
“I don’t have a war bride.”
“It’s the war bride,” Gabe muttered to Morita.
“The broad that’s been writing you letters,” Dugan said, his smile widening. “She’s gonna be there, isn’t she?”
Steve blushed, his neck burning beneath his jacket. Seeing as he wasn’t quite sure what to wear to a jazz club, he’d worn his dress blues. However, they were much too warm for standing in this hallway while the guys poked fun at him.
“I’m just going out, fellas,” Steve said and Dugan’s grin turned positively sinister.
“Then you won’t mind if we tag along.”
When they arrived, Tony was chatting up the bartender. He slid over two club sodas with a wink that Steve was honestly a little concerned about. His annoyance was put on the backburner the moment Tony turned to face him. Jacques bumped into him and sent him forward a few steps, his attention completely stolen by the sight in front of him.
Tony was… stunning . He’d curled his hair in light waves that fell to his shoulders. He’d slipped on a simple dress with a sweetheart neckline, baring a modest amount of skin. He wore fishnets and modest heels, sure to put him closer to Steve’s eyeline. Unlike the Star-Spangled singer outfit, this seemed less like a costume and from the way Tony moved, Steve could tell it wasn’t the first time he’d worn it.
He was gobsmacked, standing in the way of patrons entering and Dugan pushed him further forward, leaning in to mutter, “No war bride, huh?”
He bumped Steve’s shoulder on the way to the bar. Steve stumbled a bit, swallowing nervously as he wiped his hands on his pants. Tony bit down a grin, his eyes alit as he leaned against the bar and waited.
“Captain,” he greeted with a polite nod.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Steve asked, shooting a glance over to where the guys were ordering a round of beers. Clearly, they hadn’t figured out Tony’s secret yet.
Tony shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eye, “Ask me after I see how terrible a dancer you are.” He reached for Steve’s hands, “Come on, handsome.”
Steve was truly, without a doubt, the worst dancer Tony had ever seen.
He was either on rhythm but severely uncoordinated or moving to a beat only he could hear. Tony started out slow, leading the way his mother had when she’d taught him. He counted out the steps, gave directions and nodded along to the song. Steve would seem to get it for a few moments but the second Tony let him lead, he got lost in his head. Getting Steve’s eyes up and away from his feet resulted in sore toes for Tony and letting him stare at his feet meant a sore head when he inadvertently knocked their noggins together.
When Steve nearly spun Tony into a chair, he gave up. “I’m done. If we stop now, we can pass this off as an elaborate joke.”
“Or an assassination attempt,” Tony said with a fond grin. Steve groaned and covered his face with his hands as Tony pet his arms in comfort. His words were soft, “You can follow directions. That’s something.”
“You gonna lead me through every dance?” Steve asked and it earned a small lift to the corner of Tony’s mouth.
He reached out, “Here, let me-“
“Cap, we got a call.” Steve turned to see Morita eying him intently, all business. “It’s Schmidt.”
Steve swallowed looking from Tony to Morita and back, “I’m really sorry.”
Tony pasted on a rather thin smile, “It’s okay. Go. Go, go,” he said, shooing him away. “Go be a hero.”
Steve left him standing in the center of the dance floor.
Back at base, Colonel Phillips was waiting for them in the control room.
Steve sat down, pulling off his jacket and trying to keep his disappoint off his face. He was supposed to have these two weeks to himself but he knew his duty came first. Especially if it had something to do with the Red Skull. That didn’t mean it hurt any less.
Phillips offered him a gruff, “Rogers,” in greeting before launching right into it. “We got a sighting of Schmidt’s men with some sort of device.” He showed Steve a photo. It was rather grainy but there was some sort of bright box in the center. “Our best men can’t tell us what it does. Not even Stark can get a read on it or figure a solid way to track it. It’s dangerous; we know that much. We think New York is first on his list of targets.”
Steve sat up straighter, “When do we leave?”
“As soon as we’re clear to fly,” he said.
Steve nodded, his heart in his throat. He’d have to say goodbye to Tony; there was at least time for that. While he would hate to see the disappointment on Tony’s face, this was more important. If he failed at this, there wouldn’t be anyone to come back to. Tony would understand.
Like he did two years ago?
Steve shook himself, Tony had apologized for that. Granted, Steve had never seen a sign that Tony had changed his mind. If he knew Steve was leaving, headed for the most dangerous fight of his life, would he stick around? Or would he cut his losses and leave now?
“I’ll be ready,” Steve said, his blood singing with adrenaline.
Phillips started to respond when a younger soldier entered the room. “Colonel, we lost contact with Reeves. Sarge is still on the line but we lost our eyes on Schmidt.”
Philips cursed and slammed his hand on the table. He looked to Steve and sighed, “Well, you can go.”
“But this isn’t over,” Steve said, his voice strengthening with his resolve. “No doubt, he’s gone underground to plan the next attack. Send me out there. I can find him.”
Philips levelled him with a stern glare, “Rogers, I’m not sending any of my men on a wild goose chase. And especially not you,” he said. “Get out of here.”
Steve shook his head but he got to his feet. “Yes sir,” he replied dryly.
When he reached the door, Phillips called out, “Look, I know you’re disappointed, kid but when the orders come down, and we ship out…” his face was grave, his mouth a grim line. “Just don’t waste what time you have.”
Steve returned to their room in a daze, closing the door behind himself and resting his forehead against it for a moment. He took a few deep breaths, calming himself before he turned around. Tony was curled up on the bed with a book in hand. He had his hair pulled back, removed his makeup and he was drowning in a pair of Steve’s striped pajama pants and one of his t-shirts. It brought a smile to Steve’s face and a possessive warmth.
“You run out of fancy clothes to wear?”
Tony offered him a fond smile that made him flush with joy. “I ran out of warm clothes to wear,” Tony countered, closing the book on his finger. His brow furrowed, “Do you have to go?”
“No,” Steve answered, moving in closer. “Trail went cold. I’m sorry I had to cut our dance short.”
Apparently, he’d spoken too soon because Tony set his book aside and got to his feet in a rush. “You’re not getting out of this that easy, soldier.”
He reached for the radio in the corner and slowly turned the dial until a slow ballad played. Pushing the too long sleeves up, he held his arms aloft and nodded at Steve expectantly. Steve stood there, the rest of the room fading away as he took in every inch of the man before him.
Tony wasn’t put together: he hadn’t removed all of his eye make up, his hair was sloppily tied and Steve’s shirt was much too large, slipping down and baring one shoulder. Even so, even tired, his eyes were bright with challenge, the corners crinkling with excitement. He was a terror, an enigma and utterly unforeseen.
And Steve loved him.
He loved him as his hands trembled at his sides and he felt that familiar ache in his chest. He loved him as he memorialized the mischief in Tony’s eyes. He loved him as he gazed upon Tony’s face and saw the future they would never have. He loved him as he thought about all the moments he’d missed and those which would never come to pass.
He loved him with every breath and with every beat of his heart.
He loved him and he would leave him because he’d been made for a purpose and this wasn’t in the cards for them.
Tony knew that. Steve knew that.
And for the first time… he wanted to take it back.
He wanted more dances. He wanted more winters. He wanted more terrible, amateurly brewed coffee and chilled feet against his calves. He wanted Valentine’s Days and birthdays and Christmases. He wanted mornings spent lying in bed together reading the paper. He wanted promise, he wanted safety, he wanted a home.
He wanted more.
“Steve?” Tony asked his arms falling with a frown. “If you’re that upset about it, fine. I’ll let you be a hermit and hang out by the punch bowl.”
Steve swallowed, his eyes burning, his voice thick as he shook his head, “No, no. Let’s try it. Can’t get any worse, can it?” he asked with a bashful smile.
He set his coat down on a chair and slid off his shoes, to Tony’s relief. Then he gently took Tony’s hands in his. There was nothing different about holding Tony this way, compared to before. Tony held the same grace in Steve’s pajamas he guided Steve through the steps once more. Steve saw nothing past the light in his eyes as he coaxed Steve along, his voice encouraging and cheerful. Why he cared so much, Steve would never know, but he was glad of it.
They waltz around the room to jives, upbeat jazz, and commercials alike; paying the radio little attention. Steve moved better than before, against all odds, smoothly gliding along, wise of the furniture in the small space they’d carved for themselves.
“Great job, handsome,” Tony cheered, his face lighting up as he went on all about the things Steve had left to learn. Steve’s heart beat faster.
The music swelled as time seemingly slowed, the room fading away. Steve spun Tony out gracefully and then drew him into a kiss. With a gasp, Tony’s mouth fell open as Steve poured out everything he had: every fear, every hope, every last bit of the desire he’d kept buried deep. He sighed, eyes wet as he held him closer, the taste of salt on his tongue as he cupped Tony’s face. He tried to soften it, pulling away only to find himself kissing him again, twice, three times as his heart damn near beat out of his chest.
Tony let out a soft sound, touching Steve’s chin and Steve ripped himself away, covering his mouth in horror. He backed away, the distance doing a poor job of clearing his head. He touched his lips where they still tingled, the warmth lingering. His nerves got the best of him as he stuttered out apologies.
Tony took hold of his shirt, sliding in front of Steve, his eyes squeezed shut as he cupped the back of Steve’s neck and pressed his forehead to Steve’s. “No, I want to,” he murmured, kissing Steve’s chin, his cheeks, “I’ve always wanted to.”
Steve breathed heavily in the quiet space between them, feeling Tony’s lips softly brush his, hesitant and growing more insistent as Steve sighed and opened for him seamlessly. It was slow and anything but soft: growing needier as Tony held fast to his shirt and Steve pulled the tie from his hair. It fell softly around them as Tony backed towards the bed, slipping his tongue in Steve’s mouth. Steve groaned, arousal pooling in his belly as he held tight to Tony’s stolen shirt and they fell back on the bed.
He felt a hardness brush his hip and pushed down against it, resting his hands on either side of Tony’s head. Warm hands slid beneath Steve’s shirt as Tony eagerly pulled the shirt over Steve’s head. Steve chased his mouth soon after, his dog tags sliding down against Tony’s chest as Steve lost himself in the wet warmth of Tony’s mouth. It was hard to concentrate past the way Tony was sucking on his tongue, his palms gliding over Steve’s bare chest.
Steve helped Tony tug off his slacks, helping him with the pajama pants in return. The wet slide of their cocks in between drew soft groans from both of them. Steve was hard and pulsing between them, wet enough for the both of them. A clever slide of Tony’s hips made him buck gracelessly and he pulled away with a gasp, Tony’s eyes snapping open to meet his.
Wide and dazed, his brown eyes were so dark, they were nearly black. “What is it?”
“Are you,” Steve swallowed, trying to focus on his intent and not the need coursing through him. “Are you sure?”
Tony licked his lips, bruised and wet and stoking the fire in Steve’s belly. “I’m sure,” he whispered. “Honest. Are you?”
Steve nodded, a sobering thought occurred, “I’ve never done this before.”
Tony’s mouth quirked, an unreadable expression on his face as he said, “That’s okay.”
“You have,” Steve said quietly. Tony nodded. “With Johnny?” Another nod. “Did he… hurt you?”
Tony shook his head, a small line forming between his brows, “No. Never.” He shifted beneath Steve, a thoughtful expression, “You’re worried.”
“You liked it?” Steve asked and Tony nodded, reaching up to kiss Steve’s cheek.
“But this will be better because it’s you,” he said solidly. He pulled Steve closer, kissing his lips as he murmured, “It’s supposed to be better with someone you love.”
Steve pulled back, gazing down at him wondrously. Tony’s cheeks warmed and he looked as though he wasn’t sure if it was wise to have spoken but he didn’t look away. He held Steve’s gaze even as he caught his lip between his teeth in nervousness. Steve’s throat tightened and he leaned in wordlessly, releasing Tony’s lip with his thumb and kissing it softly.
It was tender and slow, enough to convey everything Steve couldn’t say.
He pulled away, his eyes wet as Tony slid over towards the nightstand and reached into a drawer. He pulled out a small bottle that sent Steve’s skin aflame. He opened it and slicked one of his fingers, offering a small smile when Steve moved back to allow him more room to work. He watched avidly as Tony circled his tight pucker with the slick tip of his middle finger, stomach tightening at the eager way the muscle flexed beneath the digit. The first dip inside drew a quiet intake of breath from them both, Steve’s eyes caught on the sight of the digit sliding in past the first knuckle. Steve’s cock jerked and spilled more precome along his thigh but he paid it no mind.
Tony started to slowly pump it in and out, his breathing growing heavier with every slick slide inside. Just the finger seemed to have an effect but Steve couldn’t help but note how much thinner Tony’s fingers were compared to his own. Which led him to wonder how Tony would react were it Steve’s finger sliding inside of him.
To both of their surprise, Steve asked, “Could I – would you mind if I was the one to… do this?” Tony blinked at him, a question in his eyes. “If that’s okay. If – if it’s not, that’s okay, too. I’m happy just to watch but…” he trailed off, swallowing as his face burned.
Tony pulled his finger out and handed the bottle to Steve with a raspy, “Johnny never wanted to. I just assumed.”
He leaned back against the pillows, spreading out which sent another flash of heat down Steve’s spine. He moved in closer, his stomach tightening in anticipation as he slicked his finger the way he’d watched Tony earlier. He circled the rim carefully, biting down a groan as Tony took it gratefully, pulling him in easily. He was so hot inside, engulfing Steve’s finger in wet heat as he played in it for a moment. Tony shivered, settling on his back and waiting as Steve dipped his ring finger inside afterwards. The stretch drew a soft gasp from Tony, catching Steve’s gaze as he breathed out slowly and muffled a moan.
“You okay?”
Tony nodded and, at Steve’s pause, he explained, “Really, your fingers are perfect.”
Steve warmed and continued to pump his fingers inside carefully, keeping his eye on Tony’s face as he worked. He slid in a third, curling his fingers curiously and earning an arch of Tony’s back.
“Steve,” he gasped, his thighs tensing as Steve curled them again. Tony’s cock jerked wetly along Steve’s t-shirt, the sight making Steve’s mouth water in anticipation. “I’m not going to last if you keep that up,” he sighed.
Steve nodded, behaving himself in working up to a fourth. At this point, he was tormenting both of them, the tight heat around his fingers making his cock pulse and drip in envy. Steve poured some oil on his cock, stroking the length to pace himself before he got into position. Tony gazed up at him, his face flushed as he waited patiently. Or so Steve thought before he rolled his hips and drew a low groan from Steve’s lips.
“Did I keep you waiting?” Steve teased breathily, smiling as he lined himself up.
“You’re a real jerk, you know that,” Tony replied with a grin, his breath catching as the blunt head of Steve’s cock pressed against the wet rim.
Steve held his gaze steadily, tongue in his teeth as he slowly pushed in, meeting a little resistance before the head popped inside, drawing soft gasps from the both of them. Steve sunk in slowly, the heat making his vision white out but he kept it slow and steady. He let himself fall further, letting Tony take a little more of his weight as Tony made space for him.
The first thrust of his hips was experimental, hanging on Tony’s every sound for any sign of discomfort. Hearing none, he pushed in again, building up steam as a clever twist of his hips earned a quiet intake of breath, another slide earning a low moan. A gentle roll of his hips earned a muffled curse and a rough snap of his hips drew a louder one. Steve built up a steady pace, nosing into Tony’s neck as he lost himself in the rush of it.
Lips brushed his ear, sending brushfire down his spine as Tony keened. “So good, so good for me. So close, Steve.” Steve shuddered, edging closer to the peak as he snapped his hips desperately, chasing the fire building within. Tony’s needy little gasps, the answering rolls of his hips as he pushed down to take even more of Steve’s cock. His earnestness and his praise were nearly too much. “Christ, Steve – Steve,” he cried out, stiffening suddenly as his cock jerked between them.
He tightened around Steve’s length, his fingers tightening in Steve’s hair as he came. Steve panted wetly against his neck, mouth falling open as he clutched Tony possessively. His orgasm built in a steady climb, plunging into Tony in longer and deeper strokes with increasing need until it was all encompassing. It hit him like a punch to the gut; his eyes snapping shut as he bucked his hips and spilled messily inside. Tony groaned softly, stroking his back and murmuring softly in his ear. Steve sighed, fucking into him lazily as he continued to pulse and fill Tony with more.
When he came down, Tony was softly carding his fingers through his hair. Settling, Steve let himself relax and calm his breathing for a moment. Then, he pulled out carefully, left and returned with a washcloth. He cleaned up briefly, dropping a kiss to the inside of Tony’s knee before he returned the washcloth.
He climbed in beside Tony once more and bundled him in his arms. “Was I… okay?”
Tony smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he replied, “You were better than okay. You were perfect.”
“I didn’t hurt you?”
“No, and I knew you wouldn’t.” He touched Steve’s cheek, yawning briefly before he murmured, “I’ll be a little sore tomorrow but that’s normal. Nothing I can’t handle.”
Steve nodded, dropping a kiss to Tony’s shoulder. Tony was drifting off but Steve had to ask, “You’ve always wanted to?” Tony opened his eyes and looked to him curiously. “You said you’ve always wanted to kiss me.”
The corner of Tony’s mouth turned up, “I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” He shifted to get a better look at Steve’s face. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me since I first saw you.”
Steve stared at him in disbelief, watching Tony trail his fingers over Steve’s chest as he went on. “Then, it was purely shallow. You’re very handsome, you know? But… over time, you were the only one that saw me. Peggy and Jarvis, they love me. I know that but you… you saw all of me. And you kept coming back. And you were so kind and just… annoyingly good . I thought you were perfect but you’re not.”
He smiled, his voice softening, “You’re awkward and tell some of the corniest jokes I’ve ever heard. You overthink things enough to give me a run for my money. And you know me better than I know myself and you still look at me like,” his voice broke, eyes widening as he swallowed. “Like I’m something worth seeing.”
Steve took up his hand and kissed his fingers, squeezing his eyes shut as Tony whispered, “I don’t want to lose this.”
He rested his cheek on Steve’s shoulder as Steve spoke, “That day in the lab, I was so sure I’d scared you away.” His voice grew rough, “And I know now why you left but… I thought I’d scared you away and that hurt because that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”
Tony laughed tearfully, nosing into Steve’s cheek as he replied, “You could never scare me away. I can say that now that I’ve seen you dance.”
+
The next day, Steve awoke to his nose buried in Tony’s hair, his back pressed to Steve’s front.
Steve was hard, his cock rising up to slide between Tony’s cheeks. He pushed back, gasping when Tony took hold of the arms around his waist and pulled Steve closer.
Steve smiled, ignoring his arousal as he held Tony tighter. Tony woke slowly, a small snuffle into the pillows before he began to push back in Steve’s grip, rolling his hips slowly against Steve’s. Steve’s breathing quickened, watching Tony reach for the oil and pass it back to Steve. He was still fairly loose from last night, the feel of it making Steve bite down a needful moan. He slid in deep, gripping Tony’s shirt tighter as he cried out. With his free hand, Steve took hold of Tony’s half hard cock and stroked him in time with the lazy thrusts of his hips.
“So fucking full, Christ, Steve,” he panted, pushing back earnestly. “So perfect for me.”
Steve squeezed his eyes shut, the bed rocking as he picked up the pace. Tony pulsed hard in his hand, Steve’s thumb sliding over the slit as he stroked. Steve came with a curse, burying himself deep inside as he stroked Tony’s cock and took him apart. Tony’s head fell back, mouth falling open as he shot over Steve’s hand and the side of the bed. Groaning softly, Tony worked back on Steve’s cock, milking him greedily.
Steve sighed, palming Tony’s stomach as they came down.
“I knew you’d be trouble,” Steve murmured, earning a sleepy laugh.
“Maybe I’m just a hedonist at heart,” he replied softly, covering Steve’s hand with his own. “What did you have planned for the day? I could do that about five more times.”
The words send a flash of heat down Steve’s spine but he answered honestly, “I wanted to take you on a boat ride.” He kissed Tony’s shoulder and added, “But we could do this, too.”
Tony laughed, the sound lifting Steve’s spirits tremendously. He desperately wondered if that sound would ever stop having this effect on him. If he’d ever stop being this ridiculously smitten.
He held Tony tighter as Tony traced shapes over his hand. “We can go be productive, if you’d prefer.”
After some time, Steve pulled out and padded over to the shower. He started the water and gathered the soap, setting everything on the counter while he waited for the water to heat. He stepped inside, ducking his head under the spray as the curtain opened. Steve turned, his stomach tightening as Tony stood before him naked. He climbed in, a challenging glint in his eye.
“We’ll conserve water this way,” he said by way of explanation.
Steve shook his head knowingly, leaning in for a kiss. He pulled back to whisper, “We’ll never leave the room at this rate.”
Tony grinned as Steve took in the sight of him fully naked. Last night, he’d kept Steve’s shirt on and Steve had thought it an afterthought in the haze of everything that was going on. Now, he wondered if it had something to do with the thin line of scar tissue down the center of Tony’s chest. He reached out carefully to touch, it looking to Tony’s face in question.
“Heart defect,” Tony replied, his eyes shuttering ever so slightly. “I was born with it. I had a couple of surgeries to correct it.”
Steve nodded, his hand trailing down as he leaned in to kiss the center of it, feeling Tony shiver in response. He followed the path, kissing the length of the scar, Tony’s stomach and following the soft trail of damp hair. Tony was soft, growing harder and more insistent as Steve took hold of him. The spray beat down on his back as he stroked Tony a couple of times and took him into his mouth.
Steve stepped out first, feeling worn out but relaxed and ridiculously cheerful. Someone had dropped the mail off and Steve went to retrieve it. They’d dropped off the paper as well and Steve had a moment where he realized how easily someone could have overheard what they’d done this morning. The men might have suspected Steve had brought his “war bride” back to his room but, upon seeing them leave this morning, they’d realize what transpired.
It seemed Lady Luck had been on their side.
He dressed and sat down in the chair while he waited for Tony. He unfolded the paper, reading through it as he heard the water turn off and Tony’s quiet footsteps. Steve resolutely kept his eyes on the paper out of fear of delaying their day once more. He couldn’t help it: the sight of Tony clothed was enough to drive him crazy. Bare was a whole new ballgame and Steve continued to lose it.
“Something going on in New York?” Tony asked, strolling over as he ran a towel over his hair. Steve glanced over and watched a bead of water beat a trail down Tony’s neck and disappear beneath his robe.
Steve swallowed, returning to the paper. “What?”
“You’ve been staring at the paper for ten minutes straight, doll. Either it’s riveting stuff or you woke up this morning and forgot how to read.” He moved in closer, the scent of soap and lavender in Steve’s nose as he sat on the arm of the chair to get a better look. Steve flustered and nearly dropped the damn thing. “What is it?”
Steve swallowed, his voice low, “You make me nervous.” Tony laughed, his voice warm in Steve’s ear. “Always have.”
“No idea why,” Tony began, reaching out for the paper when something else caught his eye. Steve watched Tony’s brow furrow before he stiffened, eyes widening in pain. He slumped further against Steve, murmuring, “Nancy.”
“What is it?” Steve asked, looking closer at the paper. He read on, his heart heavy.
“… the attack on St. Edwards base. Mr. Henry Panochette and Mrs. Nancy Panochette, neé McIntyre are survived by their two children: Iris and Anthony who were off base at the time. Mrs. Panochette was twenty-seven years old.”
“Tony,” Steve began, reaching for his hand as Tony stood, clutching his hand over his stomach as he backed away from the chair.
“How did this happen?” Tony asked. Steve took his hand and pulled him in close. Tony shook in his grasp, his hair wet against Steve’s chin.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Tony gripped Steve’s shirt, his breathing wet against his chest.
“She just sent me a letter.”
“I know,” Steve said, stroking his back, his chest pulling tight. He rocked Tony gently, every stifled sob like a pin in his heart. He held him tighter, as if he could hold Tony together through sheer strength and force of will. Tony’s knees were weak, leaning on Steve for support as his breathing grew rougher.
Steve didn’t know how to comfort Tony in this; god knows he hadn’t taken Bucky’s death well. But he would try.
Steve gave word to the boys about Nancy and that he’d be staying in for a quiet night. They’d been understanding. Gabe had even prepared a tray of comfort foods and sent Steve back to the room with it. He thanked Gabe for the gesture and thought; he knew Tony wouldn’t be up for eating.
They lied in bed together, much like they had on Tony’s second day but the quiet was deafening. Steve stroked his back, pushing down every part of him that wondered, if he’d been out chasing Schmidt, this might not have happened. If he’d gotten the intel himself, if he’d chased the lead personally, would they have found out the next attack wasn’t New York but California. Schmidt hadn’t gone for the largest city but one of the larger ports.
Steve cursed, nosing into Tony’s hair and chasing the thought away.
“Steve, what am I doing?” Tony asked quietly. Steve carded his fingers through his hair as he went on, “Going show to show, dancing on a stage when people are dying.”
Steve’s chest tightened, “You make people happy, Tony. We could all use-“
“A little more of that, I know,” Tony finished hastily. “Nancy said that. But I could be doing more.” He sat up slowly, his face drawn, his stare piercing. ‘You know I could.”
“You hated that your father made weapons.” He slid a hand down Tony’s arm in comfort but Tony pulled away.
“I don’t have to make weapons. Weapons wouldn’t have helped Nancy. I can make bunkers or safer planes or shelters or – or,” his breathing quickened and Steve pulled him in close as he struggled to finish. “I can make things but I ran away. I wasn’t there. She asked me to visit and I wasn’t there,” he finished miserably, holding tight to Steve’s sleeves as he shook.
Steve held him tighter, saying a wordless thanks to whoever was listening that they’d sent Tony here instead.
“It’s okay,” Steve whispered, stroking his back. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Chapter Nine
“Of course, sweetheart,” he said cheerily, the sarcasm seeping through. Steve leaned in and kissed his forehead before opening the door to their quarters.
“You’re really sure about this?” he asked once more and Tony stopped.
“Steve, I’m on hiatus. Margot understands and the girls will wait for me.” Steve locked up behind them as he added, “Let me help.”
Steve nodded, his back turned as Tony took a slow breath in.
He wasn’t sure.
In fact, the last thing Tony wanted to do was give up his life on the road. The girls, the bright lights, the costumes, the adrenaline of being on stage… that was the life! He could be whoever he wanted to be and he could forget about the war going on around them, just for a little while. And the audiences he entertained could forget, too.
He’d never considered giving all that up before but… with Steve, it was bearable.
With Steve, he could see mornings spent lying in bed, humoring Steve when he tried to teach Tony the “proper” way to brew coffee, and dinners spent hiding smiles from each other. It was all saccharine and ridiculously sappy, but it was the life Tony had never thought he could have.
It was the life he’d wished for Nancy.
He thought she would have wanted him to return to the show but, how could he? He could do good here. He knew it.
So, he followed Steve down the halls towards the briefing rooms.
They entered, sliding through the back row of assorted personnel, excusing themselves as they went. Steve received quite a few polite smiles and nods but Tony only received questions. It had been a while since he’d seen anyone from the service in person and not from his place on stage. And before the USO, he’d been hidden away in the lab so he was sure few of them had any idea who he was.
Gabe Jones smiled at them and made room for them beside him in the corner. General Waylon was speaking on the weapon they’d caught sight of in the photos of Schmidt’s men. Tony had brought a pad of paper but he didn’t take any notes, cataloguing everything mentally.
When it came down to their plan of attack, he perked up. “We need a quiet method of getting over enemy lines so we can send in a small dispatch of soldiers. Anything more than ten men will catch Schmidt’s attention and any less, we risk not having enough time to get any new information. Unfortunately, a plane is out of the question but-“
“Excuse me, General?” Tony asked, drawing everyone’s eyes rather quickly. It sent a nervous rush through his body but he moved past it. “Why is a plane out of the question?”
The corner of Waylon’s mouth curled up, clearly not happy about being interrupted. “And who are you?”
“Tony Stark,” he answered, earning a few muffled whisperings from several of the men lining the walls.
“Howard’s son? Last I heard, you were missing. Or on vacation. Which was it?”
“Neither,” Tony replied. “You’re a father, right? You don’t know where your kids are 24/7 do you?” he asked and Gabe hid a laugh in a cough.
Waylon ignored the comment and pushed on, “Planes are too loud. I would think Howard’s boy would know that.’
He started to return to his presentation but Tony wasn’t done. “I can make a stealthier plane.”
Silence.
“Excuse me?” Waylon asked.
“I can make it,” Tony confirmed, biting his lip as his nerves started to get the best of him. Steve reached out subtly, slipping his hand into Tony’s in the space between them. It gave Tony the courage to continue. “I can design a plane quieter than the sleekest car on the market. And I can power it on something that lasts a hell of a lot longer than jet fuel.”
“Yeah right,” a voice muttered to his left.
“He really is Howard’s son,” a voice replied.
“I doubt it,” Waylon said with a gruff laugh, “Not even Howard could do that.”
“With all due respect General, I’m not my father. His limitations are not my own,” Tony said brazenly. He cocked his head to the side, “If you’d like, I could detail every aspect of the blueprint I have or you could take me at my word and give me a shot. What have you got to lose?”
Waylon bristled, looking around the room and then to Steve as if to blame him for the intrusion. Finally, he returned to Tony’s face and waved a hand. “See me after.”
When they returned to the room, Steve barely had time to shut the door before Tony cupped his face and crushed their mouths together. Steve’s mouth opened with a surprised laugh as Tony kissed him over and over, his hands starting in on Steve’s buttons.
“Did you see that?” he asked in between kisses, sliding his palms over Steve’s bare chest. “I was so nervous but I just – I just pushed through it and now we’re building one of my ideas!”
Steve smiled, his head falling back against the door as Tony started on his pants. Thumbing over a hard nipple before his tongue laved over the hard bud. Steve groaned, spreading his legs as Tony tugged his pants and underwear down. Tony dropped to his knees and nosed in, wrapping his hand around Steve’s half hard cock and stroking him gently.
“You’re really happy,” Steve noted with a breathy laugh.
Tony winked at him, kissing the center of Steve’s abdomen before sliding his tongue along the underside of Steve’s cock. Steve gasped, his hips bucking of their own accord. Considering what Tony learned that night, Steve was new to everything. So, Tony would be the first to do this for him. The thought alone made him shudder with pleasure, his mouth watering in anticipation.
He took Steve firmly in hand and lapped at the head, the bitter taste of precome exploding across his tongue. Steve was so wet for him; he’d been wet the first time they’d had sex. Maybe it was just a Steve thing or a product of the serum. Either way, it left the scientist in Tony wondering just how much come he could milk from Steve’s cock. If his refractory period was all that different from the average man.
Tony sighed, closing his lips around the head and suckling lightly. Steve bucked, glancing down at Tony with flushed cheeks before he covered his eyes and stuttered out an apology, “Sorry! I’m so sorry.”
Tony pulled off with a soft laugh and stroking Steve’s slick cock slowly. “It’s fine, Steve. I like it. Tells me I’m doing a good job.” He engulfed the head once more, taking more of Steve bit by bit. Steve was a big man; not only lengthy but the girth sent sparks of excitement down Tony’s spine, as well. He pressed the heel of his hand to his half hard cock and sucked ardently at Steve’s cock.
The weight of Steve on his tongue made his stomach tighten, every barely stifled groan and curse stoking the fire in his belly. He watched Steve’s abs tighten, the strain to keep still even after Tony told him to let go. He slid a palm over them, petting Steve until he relaxed. Tony pulled off, a string of saliva on from his lip to the tip. Steve’s hand was placed firmly over his eyes, lip caught between his teeth as his hips made little aborted bucks.
Tony palmed Steve carefully, his voice rough as he whispered, “Look at me.”
Steve shook his head, his voice equally rough, “Can’t. Won’t last long.”
Tony flushed warm with pleasure, his cock pulsing in his pants. “I like it when you look at me,” Tony replied softly, earning a hitching breath and Steve’s cock jerking wetly in his grip. Steve finally dropped his hand, meeting Tony’s gaze as he stroked Steve firmly and took the head in his mouth once more.
He watched his length disappear inch by inch between Tony’s bruised lips, swallowing audibly. Tony sucked him down, bobbing his head before pulling off with a pop that left Steve weak in the knees. He held Steve’s gaze as he took his down to the root once more, his eyes falling closed in pleasure. He swallowed wetly around the length, eyes popping open as Steve bucked his hips twice, his cock pulsing before he spilled down Tony’s throat.
Tony groaned, barely tearing his pants open in time as he came untouched, dirtying his shirt and Steve’s pant legs. He pulled back slowly, cleaning Steve carefully and wiping his mouth. Steve slid down the wall a bit, panting as though he’d run several miles. He slid down to meet Tony eventually, his hair windswept, cheeks flushed and face slack.
He reached out lazily, a sated grin on his face as he pulled Tony into a kiss. If the taste of his release bothered him, he didn’t let on. He slid his tongue into Tony’s mouth hungrily, his fingers twined in Tony’s hair as held him close. When they parted, Tony rested his cheek on Steve’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Steve murmured. “I should have said something when I was close.”
Tony laughed, pulled back, eyes softening as Steve carded his fingers through Tony’s hair. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you liked it.” His smile widened, “Steve, they’re going to build one of my ideas.”
Steve nodded, “Because it’s brilliant.” He kissed Tony’s forehead, whispering, “You’re brilliant.”
“You keep saying that,” Tony murmured. “Sooner or later, it’s going to go to my head.”
“I hope so,” Steve replies. He pulled back, a slight hesitation in his eyes. “Listen, I know you said you wanted to help. Are you sure you want to stay here to do that?”
Tony shook his head fondly, “This again.” He kissed the inside of Steve’s palm as he answered, “Yes, I want to stay. Yes, I’m sure. No, I’m not going to change my mind in a few days. What, do you want it in writing?”
Steve frowned, “Hey, I’m just worried about you.”
The concern in his tone made Tony bristle in response. He wasn’t entirely sure why. “Well don’t be.”
He pulled back a little and Steve reached for him with a sigh. “Tony, you found out about Nancy a little over a week ago. You were set to go back with the troupe a few days ago.”
“I know that,” Tony said plainly. “What’s your point?”
“You’re moving a little fast, don’t you think?”
“I think there’s a war going on and we don’t have time for me to draw up a pros and cons list.”
“Tony,” Steve began and Tony held up a hand, climbing to his feet and straightening his clothes.
“I get that you’re concerned but I’m not a kid, Steve.” He started towards the bathroom, muttering, “I don’t think I ever was.”
+++++
If Steve thought Peggy and Jarvis would help his cause, he’d been sorely mistaken.
He stood alongside Jarvis in the corner of the lab as Peggy chat with him about the blueprint for the plane. Watching Tony’s eyes light up excitably as he gestured wildly with his hands used to feel Steve with joy. A few weeks of this and it only filled him with dread.
He turned away, spreading his hands out on the back of a chair and lowering his head. “Captain,” Jarvis began. “Something is bothering you.”
“You’re okay with this?” Steve asked snappily.
Jarvis frowned, clasping his hands behind his back. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He raised his chin. “Anthony has always been passionate about his work. Even as a child.” A small smile graced his lips, “Used to sit me down after tea time and lecture me about physics. There were exams.”
It brought a small smile to Steve’s face even as the unsettling feeling remained. “He’s throwing it all away.”
Jarvis scratched at his brow, choosing his words carefully. “I failed Anthony.” Steve felt a stab of pain at the tone and the way Jarvis held himself like a wire strung taut. “I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. I trusted him to tell me when he needed me and that was a grave error on my part.”
“Jarvis, he doesn’t blame you,” Steve replied but Jarvis behaved as though he hadn’t heard.
“He doesn’t tell you when he needs you. He’d prefer to quietly lick his wounds than be a burden to anyone else. Whether that is simply his way or,” he swallowed thickly, “a method he adapted out of necessity, it is his way.”
Steve nodded, glancing over to where Peggy was asking Tony a question and gaining an excited flurry of movement in response. His heart weighed heavy on his chest, his voice rough as he asked, “So, you see why I’m concerned?”
“I understand but I’m not sure it’s warranted, Captain.”
Hands tightening around the chair, Steve tempered his response. He’d watched Tony slowly disappear. He spent most of time locked up in the lab or in their room. While Steve enjoyed the latter, every day passed watching Tony lose more and more of his spark. The bright light within him had begun to wither away. Tony didn’t tease him as much as he did before. He was still affectionate, clinging to Steve during the night as though he worried someone would steal him away.
Steve knew grief was a big part of this but, he couldn’t help but think this wasn’t the right place for Tony to work through it. It didn’t seem as though he’d given much thought to quitting the show before he’d sent the girls a letter decreeing it. He’d put on one last show in New York and then he was done for good. He’d signed away the happiest year of his life without batting an eye.
Steve spent his nights lying awake in worry. Tony would regret this. Steve had never forgotten the pained look on his face that day Steve and he fought in the medbay. The certainty that Tony would rather spend his days far from the base rather than watch them bring Steve back in a body bag.
And maybe this was Steve’s fault. Maybe he’d mentioned their struggles too often, how upset he’d been after Bucky, the men they lost every day trying pin down Red Skull’s location. Maybe he’d inadvertently guilted Tony into feeling like he wasn’t doing his part? Maybe trying to feed him and lying with him for hours in bed hadn’t been a productive method of support. Maybe Steve had set him back.
“He lost someone close to him and now he’s giving up the one thing that made him happy,” Steve said plainly, looking to Jarvis beseechingly
Jarvis thought this over for a moment, pursing his lips. “We all grieve in different ways. I trust I don’t have to tell you that.”
Steve nodded, “When I lost Bucky, I was ready to hunt down Schmidt on my own.”
“And Anthony’s response was to volunteer his ideas to help prevent others from suffering the way Ms. McIntyre and her family did. The way Mr. Barnes did. I’d say he has a handle on it.”
Sighing, Steve left the room quietly.
+++++
Tony lie on his stomach in one of Steve’s overly large sweaters and a pair of shorts. It left Steve warm at the sight of Tony’s bare legs once more. He traced a black line along the back of Tony’s calf, leading up to his thigh and disappearing beneath his shorts. Tony shivered, glancing at Steve over his shoulder.
Steve looked to him in question and Tony smiled. “Saved me from having to buy new pairs of nylons,” he explained, watching Steve trace the tattoo curiously. His fingers left a brushfire along Tony’s skin, his palm spreading out over the back of Tony’s thigh and sliding beneath the leg of his shorts.
Tony sighed, stretching out with a smile as Steve pushed up the back of his sweatshirt and kissed Tony’s lower back. As much as Tony wanted to give in, his cock clearly interested, he had work to finish. “Darling, give me an hour or two?”
Steve froze, his breath warm over Tony’s skin before he pulled the sweatshirt back down and sat back, taking Tony’s feet in his lap. Tony felt bad; it had been a few days since he’d touched Steve. Mainly because he was working but he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the plane down to the last calculation. He’d made such a show of differentiating himself from his father. He wanted to make sure he had the work to back it up.
Steve traced the underside of his foot, making Tony laugh before he focused on Tony’s toes. “Your polish is chipped,” he noted quietly. Tony hummed in response, focused on the notebook before him. “Don’t you care?”
Tony shrugged, “Not really. Who’s looking at my feet?”
Steve was silent for a moment before he excused himself. Tony watched him leave, a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. When he returned, he was carrying a small bottle. It was bright red polish; a shade Nancy would have loved. Tony’s chest tightened as Steve pulled up a chair and pulled Tony’s legs around to plant his feet in his lap.
Tony set the notebook down and watched Steve take his left foot and start painting his big toe. Head bowed, entirely focused on the task in front of, Steve was painstakingly careful, holding Tony gingerly, as though he was breakable. Tony watched him go over every toe several times, painting Tony’s nails with the level of focus granted to battle strategies. It left Tony with a lump in his throat, unable to work on his calculations as he watched.
He hadn’t been lying earlier: he hadn’t even noticed his polish was chipped. Usually, the girls changed colors a few times during the week and Tony often got dragged along. The last time he’d gotten them done had been a few weeks before winter vacation and Margot had insisted on painting his. Pedicures were a thing he did with his troupe. The idea of doing it on his own had never occurred to him.
But it mattered to Steve, for some reason Tony didn’t quite understand.
When Steve finished, he blew lightly on Tony’s toes, blonde lashes fanning out over his cheeks before he closed the bottle of polish. He kissed the tops of Tony’s feet and set them down, standing up and washing his hands in the small kitchenette. When he returned, Tony set his notebook aside and pet the tops of his thighs.
“Okay, your turn.” Steve blinked at him, a deer in headlights. Tony flashed a smile, the first genuine one in a while. That hurt to note. “It’s only right I return the favor.”
Steve blushed, rubbing his arm as he replied, “I couldn’t.”
“Yeah, yeah, I said that, too at first.”
He reached down and picked up one of Steve’s boots, untying the laces. Steve’s blush deepened but he helped, untying the right one and pulling off his boot and sock. His feet were bigger than Tony’s, his toes long and thin. Just touching the underside startled a laugh out of Steve as he inadvertently kicked out. Tony’s smile widened, warmth blooming in his chest. He learned new things about Steve every day.
“Get up on the bed with me,” he said, scooting back towards the head of the bed. Steve complied, stretching out and gingerly placing his feet in Tony’s lap. Tony shook his head fondly and yanked the left one closer to him.
“Is this the part where we talk about boys?” Steve asked and Tony laughed, eying him slyly beneath his lashes. Steve smiled bashfully and Tony realized it had been a while since he’d caught one of those.
“We can if you want,” Tony said, shaking the bottle and starting on Steve’s big toe. “Barb used to dish about who was sleeping with who. Margot found the whole thing a bit gauche. But Nancy,” he swallowed past the knot in his throat, concentrating on the task. “Nancy could dish with the best of ‘em. She had a real knack for it.”
“I’m sorry,” Steve said and Tony shook his head.
“No, no. I should talk about her.” He starting on the second nail, blowing on the first and earning a slight shiver. “She was my best friend. She gave me a place to belong when I had nothing. If I hadn’t run into her that night… I’m not even sure I’d be here right now. She took a chance on me and she didn’t have to.”
He blew on the second nail and started on the third. “I realized after, she saw some of herself in me. She never talked about it but, I get the sense she came from a similar home.” He froze, vision swimming as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped at it with the heel of his hand, taking a deep breath. “There’ll never be another Nancy, Steve.”
“I know,” Steve whispered somberly.
Tony nodded, ducking his head as he finished the rest of Steve’s left foot. Then an idea struck and he flashed a grin. “Tell you what. Let me finish your right foot and I’ll show you another thing she taught me.”
After dinner, Tony disappeared into the bathroom.
Steve straightened up, running a tired hand over his head. They’d had a good day today.
Getting Tony to open up about Nancy had worried him initially; concerned it would upset Tony but, instead, it seemed to have helped. He spoke more about the troupe, about the girls that filled Tony’s letters. He’d even spoken some about Johnny, though he’d been icier towards Tony after their tryst ended. Steve would be lying if he said he hadn’t gotten grim sense of satisfaction out of hearing that.
He set the clean plates in the drying rack and sat down on the bed when the door opened. When Tony reappeared, Steve felt his mouth fall open.
Tony stood before him in the Star-Spangled Singer outfit, complete with the garters and hat. He’d let his hair down and even applied the vibrant, red lip, as well. He flashed Steve a bright grin, moving over to the record player and starting a slow, sultry tune. A woman crooned softly, the melody cloying and seductive as Tony padded over slowly, his hips swaying.
This was dancing, but not as Steve had ever seen it. Well, not on stage, at least.
It was closer to what Steve had seen in the burlesque clubs he used to drag Bucky out of in France. Tony took hold of the hem of his skirt, lifting it to the beat of the song, teasing Steve with each inch of bare skin. Steve’s heart beat fast in his chest, his hands clenching around his pant legs as he watched.
The bass thumped on as Tony reached for the zipper of his dress, turning and sweeping his hair over one shoulder. He eyes Steve over his shoulder as the dress slid down smoothly. Steve swallowed, watching Tony reveal more skin and a hint of red lace. The dress slid down around his ankles and he stepped out of it, his hands on his hips as Steve’s breath caught in his throat.
How Tony had gotten his hands on this get up, Steve would never know. But he was grateful.
Tony stood in a black corset and lacey bloomers, red inlets along the seams and tying the whole thing together. He turned slowly, moving along to the song and rolling his hips smoothly. Steve was drawn closer to the edge of the bed, eyes caught on every inch of bare skin, the way the bloomers hugged Tony’s ass.
Steve longed to touch, the urge near painful as Tony teasingly snapped a garter and turned towards the back once more. He bent smoothly at the waist, the sight making Steve’s heart beat near out of his chest. The supple flesh of Tony’s ass mouth-watering as Tony moved to the melody. He rose slowly, eying Steve knowingly over his shoulder as he slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of the garment.
He slid them down teasingly, hips swaying to the song. This was a slow torture as Steve watched helplessly. Tony stepped out of them, revealing a pair of tight red panties that barely covered anything. He moved within range of the bed, taking hold of the tie to the corset when Steve reached out, quick as a viper.
He pulled Tony into his arms, crushing their mouths together. Tony sighed, his half hard cock pressed against Steve’s stomach as he sat Tony in his lap and devoured his mouth. Tony tugged at the tie distractedly, rolling his hips desperately against Steve as he did. Steve had been low on patience to begin with, taking hold of the corset and ripping it in two.
Tony pulled back with a hushed curse, “Christ, that was expensive.” His hips bucked in Steve’s grasp, a moan escaping. “Guess it was too much?” he asked with a breathy laugh.
“A little,” Steve admitted gruffly, laying Tony down on the bed and climbing over.
Beneath the corset, Tony had red strings laced across his body. Thin red lines tracing the shape of Tony’s pecs and crossing over his abdomen a couple times. Steve could easily tear them away but he quite liked them, bending down to run his mouth over a hard red bud and nipping at the other. He left red marks, more from the lipstick transfer than any real pressure with his teeth. His cock was hard and aching in his trousers, pressing painfully against his zipper.
He nosed in, kissing the inside of Tony’s thigh and kissing his clothed cock. Tony gasped, arching as Steve breathed wetly over the satin covering. Steve wouldn’t rip these; he hoped to see Tony in them again. He slid them off carefully, stomach tightening as he watched Tony’s cock fall wetly against his stomach. Steve spread his thighs, letting them fall over his shoulders as he slid his tongue over the underside. Tony shuddered, his thighs quivering in Steve’s grip as a thought struck him.
He raised Tony up, eyes caught on the tight pucker winking at him between Tony’s spread cheeks. Groaning, Steve bent Tony further and swiped his tongue over it. Tony bucked, a surprised moan escaping as Steve spread his cheeks firmly and dove in. Tony’s entrance tensed and relaxed beneath his tongue, loosening as Steve lapped at it hungrily, tugging at the rim with his thumb so he could dip further inside. Steve lost himself for a moment, the musky scent of Tony in his nose as he felt the muscle loosen beneath his mouth.
He was startled out of his reverie when Tony bucked suddenly, crying out and stiffening in Steve’s grasp. Steve pulled up, wiping at his mouth as he took in Tony’s flushed and slack face, his cock pulsing and releasing another spurt of come along his belly. Steve panted, sliding his tongue through the mess of come and lipstick. Tony slid his fingers through Steve’s hair, holding Steve there as he lapped at the come and took the tip of Tony’s spent cock in his mouth.
“God, Steve,” Tony cried out, barely covering his mouth in time as his cock jerked helplessly in Steve’s mouth. “Inside me,” Tony breathed, tugging at Steve’s shoulders. “Come on. Want to feel it.”
Steve rose up, rutting against Tony’s thigh as he reached for the oil in the bedside table. He slicked his cock, sliding his fingers inside Tony’s spit slick entrance just in case. They slid in with a squelching sound that made Tony blush beautifully. So hot and wet inside, Steve was tempted to explore this for a while longer. The play of emotions across Tony’s face, his brow furrowed, lips bitten as he keened and arched beneath Steve’s body. He wondered if he could bring Tony off again, if he’d have anything left to spill.
Tony pushed at Steve’s chest, rolling over on top and taking hold of the base of Steve’s cock. He positioned it at his entrance, the wet rim kissing the head as he slowly lowered himself down. Steve watched his abs tighten, thighs tensing as he moved carefully. Steve watched him wondrously, mouth open in awe as Tony took all of him, inch by inch, eyes closed in pleasure. When their hips met, Steve took hold of his waist and Tony met his gaze once more. His eyes were dark and hungry, framed by dark lashes and smudged eyeliner.
Steve had never loved anyone more.
He rose up, nosing into Tony’s throat as he raised Tony up and slowly pulled him down on his cock. Tony let out a breathy huff of air, his cock twitching between their bellies. Steve worked up to a needy rhythm, the fire within him drawing him to be rougher than he’d ever been before. He murmured apologies, Tony kissing away every one of them, riding him harder, hips rolling in time with Steve’s.
Steve slid an arm through the laces across Tony’s back, fingers twining in Tony’s hair as he kissed his throat. Tony gasped, hands tightening on Steve’s shoulders as he rose and fell. “Steve,” he cried out, tightening around Steve. Steve pumped into him harder, once, twice, his cock swelling within him. Tony scratched at his back, panting into Steve’s cheek as he came between them.
Steve cursed, taking Tony’s mouth, burying himself in deep and spilling messily inside. He fucked into Tony lazily, curling his arm around Tony’s back and sucking on his tongue. Tony panted, cock jerking helplessly between their bellies as Steve filled him to the brim. Finally, they came to a stop, Tony laughing breathily in his ear.
He tip toed over to the door, grabbing his boots as he went. When he looked back, Tony had rolled over into the warm space Steve had left, the sheets sliding down revealing his naked form. A smile graced Steve’s lips as he watched Tony nose into the pillow, sigh and settle once more. A gentle warmth bloomed within Steve’s chest as he closed the door behind himself and started down the hall.
Peggy met him at the end, quietly waiting with a friendly smile on her face.
When he got close enough, he asked, “What is it?”
“Colonel Philips believes we have a lead on Schmidt.”
Steve nodded, fatigue giving way to focus as he straightened. “Are we shipping out?”
“Not yet. We have a lead,” she emphasized, starting down the hall in her usual short clip. Some days, Steve had to hurry to keep up with her brisk pace. “We’re keeping an eye on him until we can figure out more about this weapon he’s building. No use going in half-cocked.”
Steve nodded, more content now than he would have been six months ago. Then, he’d wanted to end this war as fast as he could and damn the consequences. He’d volunteered for every mission he could, throwing himself into work with the force of a man with nothing to live for. And why wouldn’t he? Sure, he’d friends that cared about him and Tony’s letters to keep him warm. But at the end of the day, unlike the others, Steve didn’t have a family waiting for him. He didn’t have Bucky at his side threatening him with bodily harm should he “die on him”.
That had been six months ago. Before he’d told Tony how he felt about him and had his feelings returned. Before he knew what it felt like to hold Tony close and feel his skin beneath his hands. Before he knew what Tony’s hair looked like when he woke up, the way his laughter echoed when they slid around in their tiny shower, the sound he made when he came. Before Steve knew what it felt like to know someone needed him.
He wanted the war to end but, for the first time, he wanted to survive it.
They continued down the quiet hall a few paces before Peggy snorted, stifling a laugh in her hand. Steve looked to her curiously as she straightened up for a few seconds before devolving into laughter once more.
Smiling amusedly, he nudged her with his shoulder and asked, “What is it?” Peggy stifled another snort and he stopped in the hall, raising a brow. “What?”
She straightened up once more, biting down a smile as she composed herself. “I feel compelled to let you know that my room is right next to yours.”
Steve blinked at her confusedly for a moment before realization set in. Then he begged for the ground to swallow him whole.
He covered his burning cheeks, absolutely mortified. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize,” he stuttered out.
Peggy pet his shoulder and her tone sounded rather amused. “Don’t worry about it. No harm done. It’s only, well,” she chewed on her next words for a moment. “If I heard, there’s no way your neighbor on the left didn’t hear. Nor the one across from you. Or everyone down the hall,” she finished awkwardly.
Steve pulled his hands down, gazing at her in horror. She offered a sympathetic smile as he shook his head slowly. Running a hand over his hair, he sighed, “I just… we got carried away. Not that that’s an excuse. You told me to be careful and that’s the exact opposite of what that was. It won’t happen again.”
Peggy nodded brusquely, starting down the hall once more. Steve followed the quiet click of her heels, lost in thought. After a few minutes passed, Peggy nudged him and said, “I kind of hope it does. We have such limited time here. None of us knows how this will end. You should find joy wherever you can.” Steve noted the small smile in the corner of her lips. “With whoever you find it with.”
Steve held her gaze, “Philips told me a similar thing. He doesn’t think I’ll come back from this.”
Peggy’s brow furrowed, a slight annoyed twist to her mouth as she replied, “You don’t believe that do you?” She reached up and cupped his cheek, her eyes fierce and sincere. “You’re Captain America; the only person I know more stubborn than me. You’ll be fine.”
The certainty in her tone nearly made him believe her. She pet his cheek and they continued down the hall. When they entered the control room, the rest of the Commandos were seated around the table. All, save Dugan, were pointedly looking away from Steve. He winced internally but held his head high as he sat down in a chair at the front. He wondered if they’d been able to tell he hadn’t had a woman in his room.
Colonel Philips went through their intel, the location and who was still monitoring Skull’s army. He marked some key bases on the map and noted where they’d be headed once they had a plan of attack.
Then he turned to Steve, his voice gruff, “We’re not sure what exactly we’re dealing with here. Stark still has no clue what this glowing cube is or what it does. The higher ups want it brought back or destroyed. Which means, we’ll most likely be sending a team out as soon as the plane is finished. I want you all ready to be wheels up at a moment’s notice. I don’t want you wasting time making yourselves pretty.”
“Don’t worry, sir. I’m pretty enough,” Dugan boasted, earning a tossed ball of paper from Morita.
Steve smiled, getting up with the others to leave when Philips called out, “Rogers, hang back a minute.”
The others left, shooting Steve polite nods. Once the door closed, Steve moved in closer, watching as Philips shuffled through his papers for a moment. He kept his eyes down as he spoke, “You know how long I’ve been doing this job?”
“No, sir.”
“Nearly three decades.” He leaned back, pressing his fingers into his eyes with a grimace. “Spent nearly half my life here. I’ve seen all manner of men pass through here. Cowards, wannabe heroes and idiots.”
“Which one am I, sir?”
“A martyr,” Philips replied plainly. “Some men… they join up and don’t care much whether they make it home. Every regiment has a few of those. They don’t always make for good leaders; you want the ones that have a plan for survival.”
He stood slowly, straightening his belt with a sigh. He rapped his knuckles on the table, taking his time before he spoke again. Finally, he looked Steve in the eye and said, “Unless you have to make a call where that’s not possible.”
Steve stiffened, his stomach twisting as he asked, “Excuse me?”
“You are a captain, Rogers. You didn’t earn that rank. You pushed your way in here dragging several of my men. You were wearing a costume helmet and tights but you did what none of my other men could do. You didn’t earn your stripes the traditional way but you’ve more than earned them.”
Steve swelled with pride, even as he felt a nervous excitement rush through him. “Thank you, sir.”
“Don’t thank me. We don’t have time for a fancy ceremony,” he said gruffly. “Dismissed.”
+
Steve found Tony in their room working on the blueprint for the plane.
Last Steve saw, they’d made quite a bit of headway on it. The body was mostly in shape but the technical aspects of the navigational system and the controls was still being fleshed out. Tony was hard at work, pencil in one hand and the other twined in his hair as he muttered to himself. Steve closed the door behind himself and moved over to him.
Tony had been rather busy the past few weeks. Some days, Steve felt like they’d barely spoken. He’d say something and Tony would simply hum or nod in a way that made Steve wonder if he’d been heard at all. One day, he’d spent the entirety of their dinner in silence. Steve knew Tony was simply excited about the chance to finally be recognized for his intelligence. Howard certainly hadn’t instilled confidence in him and all of this was important to him. Steve knew that but, it didn’t make it any easier to understand this chasm widening between them.
He’d started to wonder if he’d just been Tony’s rest stop on his way to something greater.
Today, Tony paid him no attention as he continued working and Steve felt his nerves start to get the best of him. “Did you eat something?”
Tony shrugged, continuing to work.
“You really should eat,” Steve said lightly, leaning against the desk. Tony paid him no mind and he sighed, “Okay.”
He started to move away when Tony shifted, stretching his neck and pressing down on a sore spot on his shoulder. Steve frowned, reaching over to touch him. He pressed down experimentally with his thumbs and felt Tony shudder, letting out a low moan.
“God, that feels amazing.” It had been a while since Steve had touched him and his words made Steve’s face warm in response.
“That’s what you get for sitting hunched over so long. It’s not good for your neck.” He pressed down lower, earning another moan. “Or your back.”
“Well, I don’t have a choice. I can’t stop working,” he replied, earning an annoyed tick of Steve’s brow. He sighed, resting his head back to stare up at Steve. There was a mischievous glint in his eye; one that would only spell trouble for them.
“What?” Steve asked warily.
“I know where the secret bathtub is,” he said slyly.
Steve shook his head, watching Tony stand and glide around the room grabbing towels and soap. Steve stood in the center, a helpless smile on his face as he said, “Tony, we can’t. That’s for generals and commanders.”
“Why should they get to have all the fun?” Tony asked, pulling a pin from his hair. “Besides, I’ve never met a lock I can’t pick.”
Tony didn’t know how to pick the lock.
He understood the practice in theory but when faced with an actual lock, he cursed and fiddled until the pin started to break and Steve pushed him aside. Tony gave him a doubtful look as Steve shrugged and said, “Be my look out.”
Steve had never met a lock he couldn’t pick.
He let Tony into the tub room and locked the door behind him. The lights flickered on, the sight of the room drawing a surprised gasp from Tony’s lips. This bathroom was huge! The white tile floors were pristine and clean, a large wall length mirror on one side of the room and a few benches on the other side. It was meant for higher ups to wash up, although their rooms also had showers attached. Now that Steve had seen this place he understood why they were so much more relaxed.
Tony started the bath, pouring in soap he’d gotten from god knows where. Steve was afraid to ask. It wasn’t the soap issued in the commissary, inexpensive and rather bland to the nose. This soap carried the soft scent of lavender, creating suds that rose fairly quickly and covered the bottom on the tub. Tony moved towards Steve with a teasing glint in his eye.
He started on Steve’s top button, nosing in to kiss his collarbone as he pulled the lapels down his shoulders. He undressed Steve gently, the gesture making Steve’s chest swell with warmth. He returned the favor, stripping Tony bare and tying his hair up. Tony turned the water off and climbed in before Steve, gesturing for Steve to climb in, in front.
Steve admired him from outside, shaking his head as he said, “You know this is against the rules.”
Tony rose a brow, resting against the wall of the tub with a smirk, “And I’m sure you’ve never broken a rule. How many times did you lie on your enlistment form before you got accepted?”
Laughing, Steve climbed in with a snappy, “Touché.”
The water was hot, just shy of scalding. It felt wonderful on Steve’s sore bones and he sighed, sliding back and resting against Tony’s chest. Tony draped a soapy arm across his chest, his breathing quiet in Steve’s ears. It was nice just sitting here in silence, Tony warm and firm at his back. They sat in the quiet for quite some time before Tony picked up a washcloth and wet it.
Water splashed quietly, droplets trailing down Steve’s skin as Tony started washing Steve’s chest. His lips brushed Steve’s cheek as he spoke, “I know I’ve been pretty absent lately. I’m sorry.”
Steve closed his eyes, relaxing as Tony took care of him. “It’s fine. I know how much this means to you.”
Tony paused in his ministrations for a second before dipping the washcloth in the water once more and running it over Steve’s shoulder. He nosed into Steve’s cheek, his words soft, “You’re important to me, too. You know that, right?”
Steve’s chest tightened as he swallowed. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Tony continued, running the washcloth over Steve’s stomach. “I know my dad didn’t pay my mom a lot of attention. Kept her in the house a lot until there was some gala or charity ball and he paraded her around like a trophy for a night.” He let out a slow breath, his hand dropping in the water once more. “I don’t want you to feel like a distraction.”
Steve frowned, opening his eyes to the wide room. “I don’t. I just… I worry that you’re throwing your life away and you didn’t give it much thought.” Tony stiffened as Steve hurried to add, “I don’t want to fight with you again. I really don’t. I just… I never told you what I did when Bucky died.”
“We talked about it a few times.”
“I told you I threw myself in work but I didn’t tell you everything.” He averted his eyes to his hands, shifting slightly in the water. “I wanted to kill them. Schmidt, his men… everyone that had anything to do with it. I’d never been that angry before. It consumed me.
“Peggy talked me down. She’s good at that,” he added with a small smile. “Underneath everything, the rage, the grief… I realized I was stuck in place because I felt guilty. If I’d been a better leader, a better soldier, Bucky would still be here. My failure cost my best friend his life.”
His eyes warmed as his voice grew thick, “And I can never take that back.”
Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s chest, murmuring words of comfort in his ear as he rocked him gently. “It wasn’t your fault, Steve.” His hand pet Steve’s left pec soothingly. “It wasn’t. I know you. You did the best you could.”
Steve clenched his eyes shut, shivering as Tony held him close. “What I’m trying to say is, I need you to be sure.” He turned to look Tony in the eye. “I want you to do something that makes you happy. That’s important to me.”
Tony held his gaze, his lips pursed as he thought Steve’s words over. His cheeks were flushed from the heat of the water, eyes bright and clear in the light from above. He was beautiful, his lashes long and curved, his head cocked to the side as he considered Steve.
His nose wrinkled briefly as he responded, “We don’t ever talk about the future.”
I might not have one, Steve bit back.
“I know.”
The corner of Tony’s mouth turned up as he pushed at Steve’s shoulder and he faced the front once more. “I used to think it was because you didn’t intend to spend it with me. And I get it: I’m not the easiest person to be around. I’m messy, a little bit prickly and embarrassingly self-deprecating at times. Not exactly a catch.”
Steve shook his head, displacing the water between them until Tony smacked him playfully to keep him still. “Then there’s the whole gender thing. I’m not a woman. If we – we could never be married or – or have a family. Not like you’re supposed to – like everyone else,” he finished roughly. “I never really cared about that kind of stuff before. Other people, the future is all they think about. It’s what drives them but me… I never thought I’d make it to twenty-two and here I am.”
Steve took his free hand and held it tight under the water. “I never cared about that stuff before but with you… I want whatever I can get. I don’t know what that means.” He resumed washing Steve’s shoulders, his neck and behind his ears. “Maybe we’ll travel! There’s still so much I want to show you. And after that, or if you get bored, we could come back here. Or maybe Brooklyn. You’d like that, I think. I could help run one of my mother’s charities or maybe open a coffee shop or become a professor. Maybe I’ll take up tennis.”
Steve heard the excitement, the sheer wonder in Tony’s voice and the weight on his chest pressed down harder. It should have warmed his heart to hear Tony so easily fit Steve into his future. Instead, it only made him more aware of the uncertainty of his survival. Schmidt was still out there and when the orders came down, Steve would have to go. It didn’t matter that his time here with Tony had been the best of Steve’s life, that Tony cared for him in a way no one else had. It didn’t matter that Steve wanted to stay here.
All that mattered was that Steve had a duty to this country, to protect the people inside of it. When the orders came, Steve would go.
But… for a now, it was nice to pretend.
“You’ve never been to Brooklyn,” Steve mused, shifting slightly as Tony started on his thighs. “You’d like it there. Not as fancy as where you grew up but I grew up down the street from the best Italian restaurant in the state.”
“A bold statement,” Tony replied, his hand sliding smoothly to the inside of Steve’s thigh. His breath caught, stomach tightening as Tony spread his legs wider. “What’s the rent like there?”
“Pretty fair.” Tony’s fingers trailed over the inside of his thigh as Steve’s cock jerked with interest. “I’d have back pay. We could afford it.”
“Yeah?”
Tony’s breath was warm on his cheek as he wrapped his bare hand around Steve’s cock, stroking it firmly. Steve gasped, relaxing against Tony’s chest as he took up a slow rhythm. Tony’s cock pressed against his back, sliding between his cheeks slippery and wet beneath the water. Panting, Steve pushed into Tony’s fist, nosing into Tony’s throat as heat coiled in his belly.
It had been a while since they’d touched and Steve suspected this would be over embarrassingly quickly. His breath came out in soft pants, soft splashes of water as Tony’s hand worked knowingly. Steve relaxed against him, hips rolling mindlessly as Tony took care of him.
Tony murmured endearments in his ear, his hand quickening. Steve keened, the steady heat rolling through him as Tony whispered, “That’s it. Come on, baby. Come for me.”
Steve gasped, tensing in Tony’s arms as his cock pulsed and spilled over Tony’s hand into the water. Tony groaned, milking him gently as Steve shook against his chest. After, he slid his palm along Steve’s chest and just held him close. Steve felt more relaxed than he’d been the past month, drifting off in the warm water, Tony nice and snug against his back.
After some time, he shook himself a little. More awake as he turned to face Tony and asked, “What about you?”
Tony laughed softly, leaning in to kiss Steve’s lips, “I’m fine.” At Steve’s guilt, he shook his head fondly. “Make it up to me.” He turned around to face the wall of the tub, “Wash my back.”
Steve nodded, mouth going dry at the miles of bare, olive toned skin. He’d seen Tony naked more than a few times but in the shower, it was a little hard to note details and he liked to see Tony’s face when they had sex. Now, he noted the small birthmark in the center of Tony’s back, the small scar along his hip. The knots of his spine as he rose up for Steve’s comfort, droplets beating trails down the smooth, soft skin of his back.
Steve soaked a clean washcloth and ran it down the nape of Tony’s neck, rising up on his knees. He worked attentively, his eyes trailing over Tony’s body covetously as the brush of his skin against Tony’s drew minute shivers. He palmed Tony’s hip to steady him, earning a soft intake of breath. Steve’s cock gave an interested twitch against his thigh, pressing in closer as the washcloth drifted lower. Dropping wet sucking kisses along Tony’s throat, he cupped his chin as he washed Tony’s back, dropping down over his cheeks.
He moved around, washing Tony’s chest as his lips brushed over Tony’s spine, tonguing the birth mark in the center. He dropped lower, wrapping the cloth around Tony’s half hard cock as his mouth traced a path to the firm globes of Tony’s ass. Tony gasped, bucking forward as Steve stroked him gently and spread him open with his free hand. Drunk off Tony’s bitten off moans, Steve swiped his tongue brazenly over the tight pucker, stomach tightening with hunger as it flexed beneath his tongue. Tony seemed torn, caught between pushing into Steve’s fist and pushed further on Steve’s tongue. He chose the latter, his hands gripping the edge of the tub as he spread out for Steve, letting out a soft whine when the tip dipped inside.
Steve had only done this once before. After that night, it had been a thought that occurred once or twice when they’d finished and Tony lie before him, his hole swollen and dripping with Steve’s come. He’d thought about what it would feel like to run the flat of his tongue over the warm, stretched rim, to taste Tony in the one spot he’d been too nervous to ask about. Now, he tasted mostly of soap but it was worth it to feel Tony gradually loosen up for his tongue, his entrance contracting beneath it as if begging for a finger.
He lost himself in the task, returning the care Tony had shown him. He took over holding Tony up when his knees weakened, resting a forearm on Tony’s lower back as he dug in further, obscene wet sounds of his tongue bringing a warmth to his cheeks. His cock curved up hard and insistent, brushing his belly as he rolled forward mindlessly against Tony’s thigh.
“Steve,” Tony called out, his voice echoing in the room. “I need more.”
Steve groaned, dropping the washcloth in the water and tracing Tony’s slick rim with the pad of his finger. He dipped in briefly, moaning at the tight, clenching warmth engulfing his finger. He pumped it in slowly, carefully as he continued to suck on the loose rim.
“That’s not enough,” Tony panted out, arching wantonly as he pushed himself further on Steve’s face. “Need more. Need you inside,” he begged.
Steve pulled back reluctantly, wiping at his face as he spoke. “Don’t have anything.”
He caught sight of Tony’s entrance and bit down a needy groan. Tony’s entrance was flushed and red, glossy and wet with saliva as it tensed hungrily around nothing. It made Steve’s cock ache heavy between his legs with envy, the heat pooling in his stomach drawing him to spread Tony further and curse their lack of forethought.
“I can take it,” Tony said, stretching out and pushing into Steve’s hands.
Steve squeezed tighter around the globes of Tony’s ass, fighting the need to bury himself inside. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“I can take it,” Tony insisted. “Your mouth, it’s enough. Please,” he begged, gasping as Steve returned to tonguing him open.
He would make sure Tony was stretching open enough on his fingers before he even attempted anything larger. He worked his way up to three fingers when Tony let out a frustrated curse and said, “Steve, please, I can’t wait any longer.”
Steve nodded, working his cock before he pressed the blunt head against Tony’s entrance. It slid in a little rougher than Steve was used to and he clutched Tony’s chest with a hushed, “Are you alright?”
Tony nodded eagerly, entwining their fingers. “Yes, yes, go slow.”
Steve agreed, pushing in deeper at an agonizingly slow pace as he slowly filled him. Tony’s breath quickened, welcoming Steve in until he bottomed out and Tony clamped down on him hard. Steve feared he’d hurt him, squeezing his fingers in concern before the crown of Tony’s head knocked into Steve’s chin and he cried out in pleasure.
Reaching around, Steve gripped Tony’s cock, feeling it jerk hard, spurting more come on Tony’s chest. Groaning, Steve rocked against him gently as his cock pulsed hard, buried inside of him. He started to pull out, earning a mournful sigh from Tony’s lips.
He gripped Steve’s hand, his voice hushed, “No, no, I want you to.” He pushed back, urging Steve to continue. The friction was nearly too much, drawing Steve’s head back in pleasure as he pushed in slowly. Tony panted, holding on tight as Steve rolled his hips forward. It only took a few strokes before he found himself pumping Tony full of come, making the slide a little easier as he withdrew.
Tony gasped, a low moan escaping as he pulled free. Once more, Steve dropped down into the now lukewarm water. Up close, he got a better look at Tony’s well used entrance, the slick drawing his mouth to it. Tony keened, holding tight to the edge of the tub as Steve went to work once more.
“Steve,” he whined, choking on a moan as he shuddered in Steve’s gasp. “God, I can’t – I can’t,” he called out, clamping down as Steve laved over his swollen rim. Steve buried his face between his cheeks and brought him off until Tony had nothing left to give.
Tony leaned against him on the walk back to their room. He moved on unsteady legs, nearly half asleep as Steve locked up behind them and pushed him towards their quarters. He’d pushed Tony inside when he heard a lock click. Looking over, Steve saw Gabe watching them, his eyes guarded.
Steve looked from the closed door to his room, his own bathrobe and back to Gabe, his heart in his throat. A beat passed in which Steve felt his shoulders tense, wary of the inevitable confrontation. Gabe pursed his lips, eyes cutting down the hall and back to Steve.
“Jones – Gabe ,” Steve corrected, his heart pounding. “I know what this looks like.”
“You know what it looks like?” Gabe asked skeptically. He moved in closer, looking down the hall once more. “You know what it looks like? How dumb do you think I am, Cap?”
Gabe’s gaze was firm, his face grave and Steve felt something in him shatter. Steve’s insides twisted, averting his eyes as he fought to find his voice once more. “He’s the only,” his voice broke. His eyes warmed, “He’s the only thing I have. Please.”
Gabe’s eyes widened instantly and he stepped back, holding out a hand. “Cap – Steve, I’m not – I’m not going to tell anyone.” Steve looked to him in question. “I would never do that. I know the way the brass thinks and I wouldn’t put you through that.”
Steve nodded gratefully. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me,” Gabe said, stepping back further. “I was just headed to the commissary. Anyone could have seen. You need to be more careful.”
He started down the hall, shaking his head. Steve watched him, calling out “Goodnight.” The small wave he got lessened some of the tightness in his chest.
He turned back to his door and entered to find Tony lying on the bed naked, having decided to forego pajamas. Steve locked the door, pulled off his robe and climbed in behind him. Tony stirred, turning over to peek at him.
“Did you lose something in the hall?” he asked drowsily.
Steve smiled, wrapping his arms around Tony and kissing his shoulder. “Yeah, but I found it. Don’t worry.” He pet Tony’s stomach with a sigh. “Let’s get some sleep.”
+
They built the plane in record time.
Tony woke Steve around three in the morning to show him and his excitement was contagious. Clad in another one of Steve’s stolen sweatshirts (because Tony would never own such a thing) and a pair of trousers, Tony yanked on his wrists until Steve slid out of bed.
Laughing, Steve pulled on a shirt and shoes, calling out, “Okay, okay. I’m comin’.”
Tony pulled him down the hall to the hangar, his excited cheers echoing in the halls. After realizing he’d put things with Steve on the backburner for a while, Tony had made more of an effort to spend time with Steve. That meant working on calculations with his head in Steve’s lap while he carded his fingers through Tony’s hair or inviting Steve to come work in his sketchbook while Tony got his hands dirty building the plane.
It had been nice to spend more time with Tony, seeing that passionate light return to his eyes. He’d been happy on stage but it was here that Steve saw glimpses of the man he’d fallen in love with. It was here that he saw those quiet nights sharing popcorn in the lab while Tony tried and failed to keep from blowing things up. Admittedly, a large part of Steve’s enjoyment had been getting to watch Tony’s arms flex in the thin t-shirts he was fond of wearing while he worked. Even better was getting to strip those off of Tony when it was time to lead him into the shower.
Now, he watched Tony spread his arms before the large plane, a prideful grin on his face. It warmed Steve’s heart and he couldn’t keep from drawing Tony into his arms.
He kissed Tony, feeling him smile against his lips. Tony pulled back, holding Steve by the back of his neck. “I can’t believe this is real,” he breathed in awe. He pulled back, gazing up at Steve with joy. “They actually built something I made, Steve.”
“I know,” Steve replied. “I’m so proud of you.”
Tony gazed at him, his eyes taking in every inch of Steve’s face. “I love you,” he whispered. He pulled Steve into a kiss, the taste of salt on his tongue before Tony pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you so much.”
He knocked the air of Steve momentarily. He hugged back with a breathy laugh, asking, “I love you, too but, mind if I question the enthusiasm?”
“The only people that were ever proud of me are dead or miles away from here going on their own adventures. I used to think, if I could just make something good enough, my father would realize how wrong he was.” Steve’s stomach tightened as Tony pulled back to look him in the eye. “But I don’t care what he thinks. I care what you think.”
Steve frowned, touching his cheek with his thumb. “Tony, I’ve always been proud of you.”
“I know but… it’s different now.” He turned to look at the plane once more. “I know you weren’t exactly thrilled about me deciding to stay here.”
Steve sighed, coming to stand beside him. “No, I wasn’t.”
Tony glanced at him curiously, “You want me to be happy. This makes me happy, Steve. Building things, using my hands, inventing things.” He returned to the plane, his words quieter. “And you here. With me. That’s what I want.”
Steve turned to him in question, “Really?”
“Really.”
“No more travelling the world, no more dancing or meeting new people. Just me in a small room with powdered eggs and tiny shower stalls.”
Tony rolled his eyes and tugged Steve into his arms. He stood on his toes and kissed Steve’s nose. He pulled back to whisper, “Just you. That’s what I want. More than anything.”
Steve’s throat tightened, scanning Tony’s face for any sign Tony was just lying to appease him. Finally, he rested his head against Tony’s, murmuring, “I can give you that.”
Tony laughed, cupping Steve’s face. “You can, can you?”
“I think so,” he said.
“I think you can take me dancing, too,” Tony added with a grin. Steve groaned and he laughed louder, “You can, Captain Handsome.”
Steve shook his head fondly. “We’ll talk after your last show.” He pulled back reluctantly and pointed Tony towards the door. “We should get some sleep. You’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”
+
The final dash of kohl lined his eyes. Tony picked up Maria’s lipstick, the tube still in pristine condition. He’d never used it after that first time. The scar from Howard’s ring was enough of a reminder that it had come at a cost. Still, it seemed fitting to wear it tonight. Once applied, he looked in the mirror and studied the face staring back at him.
His hair was longer now; falling just past his shoulders. His face was fuller, more life behind his eyes. His lips were full, a clever red smile grinning back at him. Lined in black, his eyes stood out bright and deep brown. He looked more like his mother now than ever before. Gazing at himself in the mirror, he wondered if she would have been proud to know the man he’d become.
Would she be happy he’d found a life of his own? However unorthodox it may be. Would she be happy he’d been loved? Especially considering who was involved. Or would she be ashamed of him as Howard had been?
He liked to think she would have been pleased. That she would have gathered him in her arms and asked him of his stories travelling the world entertaining others with his dancing, a skill she’d never quite honed herself. He liked to think she would have loved Steve. That they would have gotten along quite well and she would have drunk coffee with him and discussed their plans for peace. He liked to think she would have been ashamed of Howard and not her son.
But she’d married him. Had she known? Or had she been blind to it?
Now, he set the tube aside and stood from the vanity, sliding the zipper up as best he could on his own. He left the room, a grateful smile for Margot as she did it up the rest of the way.
“Ready, baby doll?” she asked and he playfully knocked his head against hers.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
At the intermission, Tony had scanned the crowd but there was no sign of Steve. He’d sighed to himself, drinking his cup of water as he thought about the odd duck. He’d probably gotten a spot in the back, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Enough successful missions and it was hard for him to go out without being recognized at times. He’d probably come in late for that purpose, as well.
Midway through the second part, the double doors opened at the back and a woman rushed in. Tony was front and center, moving along to the song when he stopped in place, Margot nearly sliding into him. He recognized that woman.
Peggy.
The harried look on her face made his heart beat faster. He moved toward her, almost as if in a daze. Margot moved into position, glancing at him with a worried expression as he climbed down from the stage and met Peggy at the foot. Her brown eyes were wide with trepidation as she handed him something.
He stared at her confusedly, averting his eyes as she closed her hands around his. There was a radio in his hand and he looked to her once more before moving through to the hallway. He moved a ways down, the music muffled through the walls as he pressed the button to talk.
“Hello?”
Silence. A crackle and then a relieved voice sounded, “Tony?
Steve.
Tony held the radio tightly in hand before he held it up to his mouth once more, “You’re running a little late, handsome.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Tell me you’re on your way?”
“I wish I could, sweetheart,” Steve replied. “I really wish I could.”
Tony’s eyes warmed, his heart pounding as he covered his mouth for a minute. When he spoke, his voice was deceptively soft. “Well, you’ll have to make it up to me. Flowers, I think. That’s how this usually goes.”
Steve huffed out a laugh, his voice thin as he replied, “The call came. I was on my way but it was Schmidt. I had to go.” A crackle and the sound of rushing wind. “This thing – I don’t know what it is but it’s headed straight for New York.”
Tony’s throat tightened, a dull ache in his chest. He grasped for something, anything to say. “So - so, tell me what it looks like. I can help you disarm it.”
“I can’t. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen and I don’t have the time. It’s moving so fast.” More sound of rushing wind as Tony’s eyes welled up and Steve’s strangled voice returned, “I’ve got to put in the water.”
“Steve,” Tony called out, his eyes spilling over. “Steve, tell me where you are. I’ll come find you.”
“There’s nothing here between me and New York. Just a lot of open water. I can put it down here and no one will get hurt.” Tony stifled a wounded sound, his arm covering his stomach as he curled over in pain. “Tony, I knew the deal when I signed. This is my choice.”
The sound fuzzed out and Tony’s hand tightened painfully around the radio, holding it closer to his ear. “… all the people I met, you’re the only one that made me want to take it back. But if it’s a choice between being selfish and saving your life, I’ll choose you every time.”
“Steve, please come back,” he whispered.
“I can’t turn around. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, you can. I built that plane. You can turn around and come home,” he pleaded, watching Peggy turn away and cover her mouth.
“I wish I could. Please believe that.” A pause, then Steve’s voice sounded much closer than before. “I wasted so much time being afraid to tell you how I felt. That night we met, that day in the lab, that night when you told me you wanted to come back… I could have told you then but I was too afraid. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. These past two months with you were the happiest I’d ever been and I know that’s because of you. Because you loved me.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear. I wish I’d been good enough to stop Schmidt before this, before Bucky. But I can stop him now and I can keep you safe. I know you’ve said you want to stay, to give up the show and I understand now but please do one thing for me: don’t hide yourself away. People should know who you are. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re beautiful and brilliant and there’s such a light in you that’s… it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. When they see that,” the speaker crackled and fuzzed a few times. “When they see that, they’re going to love you. Just like I did.”
The channel fuzzed and crackled a few more times before dropping out completely. “Steve,” Tony tried, holding it tighter to his ear. He heard only static in response. “Steve! Steve, please.”
He curled over, his throat aching as Peggy took the radio and wrapped her arms around him as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. Mascara burned his eyes as his chest heaved and he let out a broken cry.
Peggy held him up, holding him tight as the sounds of applause sounded around them.
Running a hand over his head, he stiffened momentarily, struck with the memory of Steve’s fingers carding through his hair. He tugged his hand away, a knot in his throat. He’d been here since the – since he refused to return to their quarters. The idea of being surrounded by Steve’s things, his scent, seeing his boots lined up at the door and the change from his pants pockets on the dresser was too much to bear. Tony slept in the lab now. He kept the doors locked with a sign requesting that all deliveries be left outside. No contact with anyone. Enough that he could almost forget. Enough that he could almost pretend Steve was only out on a long mission.
Returning to his work, he'd thought this idea a little too risky at one point. He’d run the numbers and spent literal weeks on this and the risk hadn’t changed. He simply no longer cared about the danger. He’d studied all he needed to know, gathered intel from professors around the country. The stress of the G forces and his weak-
“Anthony?”
He stiffened, sobering instantly. Bracing himself, he turned slowly towards the sound of expensive dress shoes shuffling across the lab floor.
Jarvis stood before him, his face twisted in concern. It had been two weeks since the funeral and Jarvis had been in California with Ana at the time. Tony had missed him terribly but hadn’t had the heart to call. Now, seeing him, he knew why.
Jarvis took one look at Tony, his disheveled state and the half empty bottle on the table. Tony had expected judgement, disappointment, shame . Instead, Jarvis’s mouth twisted and he crossed the space between them, reaching out to pull Tony into an embrace.
“Oh, my boy. I’m so sorry. I came as soon as I could,” he began, startled as Tony pulled back.
Swallowing thickly, Tony rasped out, “I didn’t need them to call you.”
“You didn’t have to ask,” Jarvis said pointedly. “You’re my boy. You’ve lost someone important to you. Of course, I came.”
Tony shook his head, biting his lip for a moment. Then he averted his eyes. “I’m fine.”
Jarvis chose his words carefully, “They told me no one had seen you since the memorial. They told me you locked yourself away in here.” He reached for Tony’s shoulder, tensing when Tony pulled back once more. “I can only guess that’s because you didn’t want any comfort.”
Tony crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes warm. “Because you think it’s your fault,” Jarvis concluded.
A tear rolled down Tony’s cheek and he wiped it away frustratedly. “Well, it is, isn’t it?” He looked to Jarvis, his voice hoarse. “Everyone I know, everyone I care about is gone.”
Jarvis’ face twisted in pain but he kept his distance. “Mom, Nancy, Steve,” his voice broke. “You’re barely here and I get that. You have your life in California.”
“Anthony,” Jarvis began.
“He told me he was doing this for me,” he confessed.
“He didn’t blame you.” He shook his head, “It may be hard for you to understand but he loved you very much. I’d never seen anything like it.” He gestured to the lab, the bottle on the table. “He wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”
“Well, he’s not here is he?” Tony turned away from him, his words nearly too soft for Jarvis to hear. “I feel like a part of me is missing. No one ever looked at me the way he did, Jarvis. Like I was something worth looking at. And I called him all manner of things: foolish, naïve… I thought he was just hung up on the first person that was… like him.”
He froze, realizing he was admitting more to Jarvis than he’d ever intended to. By the sound of it, Jarvis already knew. He’d known for quite some time. “But he wasn’t. He loved me, Jarvis. He loved me.Can you believe that?” His chin trembled, his face crumpled as he bit out, “Is there something wrong with me?”
Jarvis’ face fell as Tony continued. “Is there some reason I never get to keep them?”
Jarvis reached out and Tony pushed against him, letting out a strangled sound. Jarvis was resolute, wrapping his arms around Tony and holding him tight. Tony shuddered, his breath quickening until it came out in near silent sobs, his knees going weak as Jarvis held him close. He stroked Tony’s back, murmuring soft words in his ear as Tony finally let himself go.
“Do you think he was scared?” he asked, his cheek pressed to Jarvis’ damp shoulder. “He was all alone on that plane. He didn’t sound it but… I keep wondering if he was scared,” he whispered brokenly.
Jarvis shushed him, running a hand over Tony’s head and feeling him shiver. “It’s going to be okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it will. You’ll get through this. You’re my boy. My brave boy.” Tony held him tight, his breathing quieting. “How can I help?”
Tony was still for a moment before he wiped at his face and picked up a pair of shears. He handed them to Jarvis and took them with a doubtful expression.
“Are you sure?”
+
Another week passed before Tony gathered the courage to return to their quarters.
The door swung open slowly, the scent of lemon in his nose. Jarvis , Tony mused. He must’ve come by and cleaned. Tony ran a hand over his short hair, still growing use to the feel of it. He entered the room slowly, his heart in his throat.
Everything was exactly the same.
Steve’s jacket draped across the back of the chair. His brush on the counter by the sink because Tony had been taken too long in the bathroom. A glass on the counter where he’d rinsed out his toothpaste. The bed was still rumpled, the sight of it making Tony’s insides twist. He moved through slowly, trailing his fingers over the furniture.
He couldn’t leave the room like this for long. For one, the base was low on space and someone else could reside here. For two, he didn’t want someone else going through Steve’s things.
It took hours as he set aside what Steve would want donated and the things he couldn’t give up. He set Steve’s sketchbooks aside; it felt like a violation to go through them. He set aside his jackets, a few of his shirts and his pencils. He found a trunk and started loading it up with the things Tony wanted to keep.
He set one of the shirts inside when he noticed the trunk had a false bottom. Pulling it up, Tony found a bundled stack of letters with a ribbon tied around them. A smile broke out across his face as he traced the postmark on the first one. It wasn’t the first note Tony had ever sent but it was an early one. He remembered have to bribe the doorman of the hotel to send it by mail because Tony had missed the postman. The lip print he’d left on the back.
He set the stack aside and found what looked like Steve’s rejected comic strips. An old baseball. A creased picture of Steve with Bucky’s arm around his shoulder. Another picture of Steve when he’d been much smaller, standing in a line of men with that determined, stubborn scowl on his face. A warmth bloomed in his chest as he set the picture aside carefully. Below it, a picture of a blond woman with Steve’s mouth and his eyes. Buried beneath that, some sort of package wrapped in brown paper.
It had Tony’s name on it and he carefully pulled the paper off. A note card fell out onto the floor. Tony picked it up and took it and the package over to the bed. He sat down heavily, turning the card over.
“Tony, I knew you would find this before your birthday.” There was a small drawing of a tiny Tony glaring up at an impossibly tall Steve. It startled a tearful laugh out of Tony’s mouth as he turned to the first page.
It was a comic strip. A collection of them. Tony glanced through a few pages before the realization set in.
“Gosh, I’m terribly sorry.”
“See, that sound you just made, that’s laughter. If you read some of my old stuff, you could make that sound all the time.”
“I made them to make you laugh. I don’t care about anyone else,”
These weren’t random little strips, scraps of stories about the characters Steve created.
This was their story.
Tony turned the pages rapidly, his eyes welling up as he saw everything as Steve saw it: that night in Tony’s room, the day they’d almost kissed, the night they’d danced. He saw everything Steve kept hidden: his eagerness to see Tony again, his grief when he’d lost Bucky, his jealousy over Johnny.
Everything: every shy moment, every lie Tony had ever told him, every time they’d touched. Steve had poured himself into this book: every fear, every heartbreak, every hope he’d been too afraid to share. Every time he’d ever doubted himself. It was all here.
He flipped through page after page, his eyes wet as he skipped to the end. Here, the stories he didn’t know. The lives they hadn’t led.
Steve had drawn them in France, sipping coffee with the Eiffel Tower visible behind them. A lazy afternoon with Tony’s head settled in his lap. Matching bands on their hands, intertwined as they watched the sunset from a beach. A soft kiss in a loft in Brooklyn. He’d imagined them old and grey, watching the city from a balcony in New York.
All of these endings.
And none of them theirs.
