N1: every ounce of confidence

N2: Ride

N3: sweet dreams are made of these

N4: in the dark

N5: Twelve Hours

I just read this after Sineala mentioned it on the Discord and it was wonderful! I'm filled with so many ideas!

It was such an interesting change to Steve’s history and I keep thinking about how Tony, with his heart condition, was so ready to jump in the Iron Man armor, even knowing the risks. I have so many questions. We don't get a ton of Tony's life in the series. All we really know is that he still had a heart problem and he was in charge of Stark Industries.

Did he secretly admire Steve? He wanted to be a part of the Iron Man project early on. As much the armor was killing Steve and putting so much stress on his body, he was able to survive wearing it for years. Perhaps Tony thought he could fit the armor to his body to help him live longer? Or maybe he simply wanted to ensure his death meant something. Either way, it's a fascinating concept!

I just keep thinking about what a meeting between Steve and Tony would have been like in this universe. I have so many ideas!

I'm somewhat (okay, extremely) self-conscious about. I was interested in the concept of Steve Rogers having no clear concept of what PTSD is or even that it's a condition people can receive treatment for. I discussed it a bit on Tumblr.

I'm extremely nervous about it because it always makes me nervous when I actually use some of my psychology knowledge in a fic. I have a degree in it but, I feel like (somewhat ridiculously) my old classmates would read it and have a lot to say about how the condition is portrayed. And with good reason because, in writing fic, sometimes, the only way to get in a disclaimer about varying symptoms is to write it in the A/N (which not everyone reads) or have a character outright explain it. Which... is why I sometimes put therapists in my works because I want it to be clear that not every representation of mental illness is the same.

Something I've noticed on twitter (and sometimes tumblr) that really bummed me out, there's a mistaken idea that there's a right and wrong way to show symptoms of PTSD. As though, it's non-existent if a character doesn't look as though they're suffering. And, that's not only inaccurate, it's actually harmful. There are still several people in the world that don't know/believe they have a disorder because they've been told they "don't have anything to be sad about" or "they look fine". One of the hardest aspects of studying psychology was learning how many people had mild forms of a disorder they could actually get treatment for but, they don't because they've been told it isn't enough of a problem. It was actually heartbreaking because we live in a society that demonizes mental illness to the extent that several people have been forced to hide it.

So, with all of that, I actually tried to write something and I have that self-doubt wherein in I worry I might accidentally get on a soapbox and/or take someone out of the story with too much of the therapist's dialogue. There's also the fact that no two doctors are alike and, in my opinion, that's a good thing because I tried to imagine a doctor Steve would actually share with and it's fascinating how differently I approached that concept compared to the doctor I created for "if you leave".

But anywho, the draft is finished. I am nervous.

I like discussing theories about how different superheroes would respond to therapy and why certain ones have never decided to seek treatment. It's a topic that I actually really like reading about, too. I'm a psych nerd. That never really goes away.

A list of all of my works on Ao3, arranged by pairing

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